During our layover in Istanbul, my daughter wanted to buy at fast fashion store JC Waikiki.
The vending machine was cheap at EUR 5.95 but after buying her a nice red jacket and a Frozen Bluebooth headset, I was NOT in the mood to be generous.
“I want! I want!!!” She said. “I want a vending machine.”
Of course I said no. Why should I buy her because she wanted one?
Then she went to my mom and said, “Ama, can you please buy me the vending machine?”
The horrors!
After I say no, she runs to my mom and try to pit us against each other. So now, it’s definitely no!
She cries and wails and complains.
When she sees her father, she cries to him as well. “Mommy did not buy me the vending machine,” she whined.
“It’s not fair,” she told me. “You did not buy me the vending machine.”
The heck, she forgot all the stuff I bought her today and the years before, and she calls me unfair?
“You hurt my feelings,” she said.
“Yes, I know you are sad but Mommy don’t need to buy you anything just because you want it,” I said. “Actually, I buy you so many things. You complaining that I don’t buy you things is UNFAIR.”
She continued to feel bad all the way till we got to Prague when she was reminded of the vending machine and was immediately sad.
Afterwards, she goes to her grandmother for comfort. Ama was more than happy to shield her from her evil mother who did not want her to buy the vending machine.
And of course when sad, where else does she cry except to her dear grandmother?
The Deal
So I made a deal with her.
“If you give the high chair to your cousin, finish your food and be a good girl the entire day, then maybe, just maybe, Mommy will give you a reward.”
Well, it aint much but there was only one high chair in the restaurant so my daughter who was occupying it has to give way.
“You need to learn how to share, so if you give the high chair to Cousin, that’s a start of being a good girl.”
To be fair, daughter DID give way. She instead went to the pigeons to keep her mind away from the vending machine.
She did finish her food.
And she was a pretty good girl the entire day.
Unbeknownst to her, my mom and I did buy the vending machine in secret, which we did give to her as a reward at the end of the day.
The girl was so so so happy!
I think it’s a great idea — Instead of buying kids what they want left and right, teaching them to be ungrateful, it’s better to withold and wait for the perfect time to give it to them WHEN they are actually good and deserve it. And not when they’ee whiny and annoying.
This teaches them that:
- It’s good to be patient. If you want something, wait for it. It’s not always instant gratification.
- Bothering Mommy and asking for something over and over will NOT get you the toy. This will teach them to ask you less and to believe what you say.
- You don’t get anything for free. Rewards are conditional to good performance.
She’s only 3 but as you see, she reasons out like a preteen so I have my work cut out for me. But good things come to those who wait and are behaved, so if I stay disciplined and on course, my daughter will reap the true rewards in the end.
