We have to get rid of “Dapat” from our vocabulary.
In English, “Dapat” means “Should” and herein lies the crux of all our problems.
With just a single word, “Dapat or should” we place all our dreams and expectations. Only to be crushed when people disappoint us. Or when things don’t go our way.
How are we a victim of this cruel word?
To our bosses, you want to shout to them, “You should open your eyes and see how good I am for your company. And you should reward me greatly for tolerating your idiosyncrasy. If without me, what are you?”
To our husband, we tell them, “You should appreciate me more. You shouldn’t look at other women. You should be grateful I married you.”
To our children, we instruct them, “You should listen to me more. You should excel in school. You should understand that what I do is for you.”
To our workers, we expect them, “You should not dilly-dally, and just do your jobs. You should do your work without me overlooking your shoulder. You should not steal. You should be on time. You should not complain.”
No wonder life disappoints us. We expect life to be a certain way, and it isn’t.
I am a victim of the word, “Should.”
I heap my expectation with my husband, my kid, my people, and everyone around me. I get frustrated when things don’t go my way because they don’t get me.
What an idiot am I.
I realize that much of my frustrations lie on ME. The way I expect things to go my way, and don’t. The way I expect others to behave but don’t.
Actually, if I loosen my expectations, I could actually be a happier, chirpier person.
The struggle lies on the fact that I refuse to let go. I still hold on others to their promises. And I wish everyone would just follow whatever I say.
For example, what if my husband cheats on me?
The usual thing to do is to hanker down, get mad and scream at him. Slash his tires, poison his drink, and go bananas. All this because he did something he SHOULD NOT HAVE DONE.
Now, what if after I found out, I simply go home, pack up our things, and move our daughter elsewhere.
No shouting matches, no struggle, and no denial.
Just pack up and go.
When my husband comes back, all he would see is me packing up and taking away what he loves the most, our daughter.
No drama, just a matter of fact, “Sorry, you fucked up. I told you I would leave you if you did, and I will.”
Same result, smoother ride.
Wouldn’t that be better?
If we let go of our expectations, it empowers us to take the situation in our hands and just react by ourselves. We don’t have to push other people to follow what we want. We can just do what we want to do.
Don’t you agree?
Let’s remove “Should” from our vocabulary. I know it’s hard. It’s my personal struggle. But let’s try.
I think we’d be happier persons for it.