A woman is mad because she discovered her husband was talking to a recently separated officemate and offering her words of comfort as she goes through her separation. “Honestly, I felt jealous on how he comforts her,” she complained. “He already did this before when we were living together. He would still message his ex, chat with girls he used to date before me. I don’t know if you call that cheating?”
She wonders if she’s in the right or is she only becoming sensitive. She asked other mommies if it’s okay to still talk to someone you used to flirt with.
I applaud women who have the courage to ask whether they are right or wrong before they go bazooka on the husband. In every fight, there’s two sides of every story, and despite thinking that she should be right all the time being the woman of his dreams and the mother of his child, I honestly don’t think that the woman is right all the time.
Whether or not this is cheating depends on the couple—Have they talked about about this before? Was cheating ever defined? Is kissing on the cheek cheating? Is texting about non-sexual issues cheating? If you’ve not discussed cheating and set the limits early in the relationship, how can you clearly say that he was cheating when he was just comforting a woman through her separation?
It is only cheating if you’ve told him that this specific action made you uncomfortable, and both of you resolved not to do this action again. And then, without telling you, he still did it. Now that’s cheating.
But without any discussion or agreement to stop such action, how can you throw the word “cheating” to his face?
MEN ARE NOT MIND READERS.
We need to tell him what bothers us, and be very specific and thorough about it. But a big problem for us women is that we hate discussing sensitive issues. We don’t get our resolutions before it happens. Then, when shit hits the fan, we react explosively.
A friend of mine pissed his girlfriend off because he chatted with an ex on Facebook. They resolved for him to cut off all his exes. A few months later, we had a group lunch and one of the attendants was a girl whom he pursued before and he got basted. She got pissed about that as well. The girl wasn’t an ex, and it was a group lunch. Who knew?
If you want to stop fighting, have the courage to sit down and talk about rules and regulations re: talking to other women. Define what’s cheating and what’s just being friendly? Where do you draw the line? What’s ok and not okay?
Take this opportunity to also discuss consequences if your guy crosses the line. Will you leave him? Should there be a penalty? My friend was a repeat offender so I suggested a penalty of Php 100,000 if caught cheating. Hey, it’s money she didn’t have before. If you’re unmarried, this is a good time to discuss child support and put the agreement on paper.
The simple act of sitting down and discussing this issue like two mature adults does wonders in clearing things out for both parties so this won’t happen again.
Talking to him and settling this issue directly is better than complaining about him. Talk calmly and discuss what both of you expect in terms of behavior, decorum and logic. Make it clear what will happen to him and to you if each person does not follow the rules. If you do this, maiiwasan ang mga labuan and maiwasan na mabigyan siya ng lusot dahil hindi kasi maayos ang pinagusapan ninyong dalawa.
Now, that’s a win win.