Is it the Woman’s Fault When Things Don’t Work Out?

A mommy asked last week after discovering that her husband had an affair, “He said that it was my fault that the marriage is broken because of my attitude and how I led our family. So I apologized for everything.”

My answer:

Sorry, but why are we so tolerant of cheating males?

That it’s okay to cheat with a woman and not a man?

That a man is weak and we are strong, and hence, boys will be boys, so we have to accept when he cheats now and then?

That at least he goes home to you?

That it’s the girl’s fault and that she knew he was married, and still tempted him?

Why, did she put a gun in his head to get him to sleep with her?

Was he not a willing participant too?

That at least, he’s working on your relationship and agreeing to see a pastor to have you forgive him?

That the forgiveness only lies on the woman and the man need not do anything except to promise that he’s never going to do it again?

That it’s not his fault that he’s a chick magnet, so while it’s not okay for him to be unfaithful, we still accept that it is our fate?

That it was just a one-time thing and he’ll do it again and again and again… until he finally finds another girl he will leave us for?

That there’s nothing we can do except pray, accept, and let it be for the sake of our families?

I am sorry — but when is it okay for guys to be unfaithful, and then leave us to resolve in ourselves the pain of his mistake?

I’m all for staying for the family, but if this is how we tolerate cheating in the Philippines, I am not surprised that men can do it over and over and over… because to be fair, the only thing they’re afraid of is the wife getting angry. But heck, she’ll forgive him anyway, and life will go on as if nothing has happened.

It seems as if the guy isn’t really sorry.

If he’s sorry, he wouldn’t bring his family — you and your kids — to this mess in the first place.

Is he REALLY sorry?

When are we really going to put our foot down and really give serious repercussions so as to dissuade men from ever cheating on us again?

Again, as I’ve said, if it happens to me, my heart will break into a million pieces.

But if it did, I already know what I will do to make sure my husband will also feel my pain, and will put into motions steps that will make my husband forever regret he’s ever had this discretion.

A cheating husband is a serious matter, and healing is hard.

I don’t know how to make Anonymous Mommy feel better, but I don’t think justifying the husband’s actions is it.

No, cheating husbands are NOT OKAY.

And if he did, I will put most of the pressure on fixing our broken relationship into his hands.

Not mine.

Astrid in Crazy Rich Asians said it best:

Is it our job to make men feel like men?

Absolutely YES.

We have to try.

Men have their egos and we must do our best to ensure they feel like men.

But, if they cheat, that’s on them.

Have a good week!

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