My husband tells me that he comes from a family that doesn’t say “Thank you” a lot. He chides my family for being overly polite and for saying thank you too often that it almost comes out as fake and meaningless.
My mother used to dislike the fact that every time she does something nice to my husband and to my husband’s family, they forget to say thank you.
“I won’t do nice things for them anymore if they’re so unappreciative,” she’d huff and puff.
Personally, I think I’m mostly a kind and generous person. And I like helping out people whenever I can.
But I also do like some appreciation for the kindness that I do. And if people do not reciprocate, then I am discouraged to help them again next time.
Why help them if they don’t say thank you or show appreciation? It’s not as if I need to help them.
Again, my husband reminds me this thinking is wrong.
My husband tells me that when you want to be generous and giving, you shouldn’t expect anything in return. “It’s wrong to give just because you think your goodwill will be reciprocated. Then the good turn doesn’t come from the goodness of your heart.”
Well, I’m human and I don’t care.
If people don’t show appreciation, then I don’t need to help them next time.
This happens often as I donate my milk. As per my previous post, I have already donated more than 3000 oz of milk over the last 10 months.
Now, whenever I give milk, I don’t ask for anything in return. Some people offer to pay but I refuse. I do accept a token of appreciation now and then for milk bags — they cost around Php 10 a piece — or sometimes a box of brownies or cookies.
I usually get some token of appreciation most of the time I donate. The best people who receive my baby’s breastmilk are those who:
- Pick up the breastmilk themselves, with or without the baby in tow
- Show personal appreciation on getting the milk
- Give a small token of appreciation such as some fruits or some brownies for the milk
When this happens, my heart grows bigger and I usually donate to them when they ask.
Sometimes however, there are some mothers who don’t know how to say appreciation. Like there was a mother who messaged me on Facebook for milk, asked her driver to pick it up, and never even said thank you.
There was another mother who asked for some milk, which I gave generously of. Her driver picked it up, and she did say thank you. But when she asked again the second time, her driver was 1.5 hours late, causing my girl to wait for him till 9pm overtime (since pickup was from our office).
“Sorry! Should I give her something for overtime? Really sorry,” she messaged me.
Well, after waiting for more than an hour at night, I sent my girl home because she had a family to go home to. I went to the office to meet her driver to again give this mommy my milk.
Of course, it was just a normal driver with a huge cooler. It wasn’t even the mother who requested for milk twice. And no, there were no tokens of appreciation or cookies.
I gave the driver 125 oz. of milk and he left.
What is the lesson here?
I think the lesson is this, in society, it’s crucial to give and take. Sometimes, we help and sometimes we receive help. What’s most important when receiving help is to always say thank you and to show appreciation, hopefully with some sort of small token.
How much does it take to actually pick up the precious milk gold yourself so at least I know who I am donating to?
How much is a box of cookies? Php 75 or Php 80?
How much does it take to show people you really appreciate what they’re doing, instead of leaving them to feel that you’ve taken them for granted?
Again, it’s not the cookies that matters. But it’s how you react when someone is helpful to you that shows what type of person you are. On whether your parents have taught you the correct manners or not.
To be honest, I cannot wait for my daughter to grow up. I will teach her the cookie test. Even if my husband’s family is not a thank you saying family, I will teach my daughter to properly say thank you and please because it’s the good thing to do.
Never do I want anyone to feel they’ve been used or taken advantage of just because my child is not taught correctly how to show appreciation. It shows a lack of class and good manners.
So yes, saying thank you too much may run a risk of people seeing you as fake.
But failing the cookie test — such as not saying thank you or properly showing appreciation — is an even bigger abomination.
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