I believe that there is a reason for everything. When things don’t go our way, there’s usually a hidden plan behind it.
I remembered when I was in Taiwan, I applied for a marketing position in DeBeers, one of the world’s leading diamond sourcing and retailing companies. I had the marketing education and the interest, but had difficulty in their exam where they asked me to translate an English article to Chinese.
At that time, I could speak fluent Mandarin, at least for a foreigner. But Chinese reading and writing were still my weaknesses and I failed miserably.
I remembered being very disappointed after not getting the job. Who wouldn’t right?
But what can a girl do?
I continued working for the company until I received another call from a headhunter. Apparently, a leading investment bank was looking for a coordinator, and my extra-curricular activities gave me the experience and background to do the job well.
After six months, I got the job… and it is still one of the best jobs I’ve ever had.
I would not have gotten the plush job if I was accepted by DeBeers.
The same goes for my love life…
I dated several men from different cultures and nationalities. My first boyfriend was Japanese, the second was American-Born Chinese, and then an Irishman, before moving on to a Filipino-Chinese.
From the Japanese guy, I learned that it’s important to date a guy whom you share the same language with. Do you know how hard it is to express yourself when you’re mad when all you can say is, “Wo hen seng qi?” (I’m very angry) and “Wo bu gao xing!” (I am very unhappy).
Regardless on our initial attraction to each other, I couldn’t be Japanese enough and he couldn’t get that. He wanted me to know how to be polite and know how to be Japanese. Even though my directness was initially cute, it became tiring in the end.
We mutually agreed to end it after more than a year of dating.
For the American-born Chinese, when I met him, he was recently divorced, single and ready to mingle. He was great, don’t get me wrong. But he was still discovering himself after being in a long-term relationship with his wife.
Lesson learned: Don’t date a guy who recently got divorced. No matter how charming he is, wait for at least 2 years before dating him.
I think I was one of the first women he dated after his divorce. Then, he dated another lovely woman who was a year younger than I was. I think he left a lot of broken hearts in his wake because he was still finding his way.
That was selfish of him of course, but perfectly natural. Again, he wasn’t ready for any serious dating. He finally reconnected and re-married the real love of his life after he broke up with the younger woman.
But what I learned from this relationship was that dating divorced or separated men were okay. Despite the social stigma of dating divorced men in the Philippines, I remained unaffected.
That’s why, when I met my now husband who had been married and annulled his marriage 10 years ago, it was fine. Of course, my mom almost had a heart attack and we went through a gazillion couples counselling sessions, but the fact that I would be the second wife didn’t really faze me much.
I think it was because I dated divorced ABC that led me to being more accepting of my annulled single husband.
The third guy I dated taught me that I had to date physically and emotionally available men. Long distance was a bitch, and unless you can be public with a relationship, then it’s better not to proceed.
By the time I dated third boyfriend, I learned how to let go of men who weren’t really healthy for me. And while I have no regrets on dating him, as soon as I found out there was no future, I got out of the relationship as fast as I could.
As for fourth boyfriend, I realized how important it is that you and boyfie must share the same wavelength.
While fourth boyfriend finally shared the same culture/background since he was similarly Filipino-Chinese, was emotionally available and gave me all I wanted, and was completely single, we didn’t really share the same beliefs and principles.
For one, he wanted me to be a housewife like his mom. I would rather die than to cook, do the housework, and clean the toilet on a regular basis. That’s just not me.
He also wanted me to be subservient. I was the opposite of submissive. In fact, I was a complete b*tch to him.I guess that’s what happens when a guy is too nice to you. You sort of take advantage of that kindness.
I didn’t really get him too much. He found me to be too direct, tactless and aggressive. We were really not a good match.
We stayed for 2.5 years because I didn’t know anything better. Fortunately, he dumped me for another woman who was better suited for him, and I learned how important dating someone who “gets” you and can make you laugh.
It sucks when you date someone you don’t share too much in common with, and all you can do when you eat is stare at the food or your mobile phones:
I cried for 4 months after we broke up. I guess I was not used to rejection and it hurts to be replaced.
But I learned to trust the process and moved on. I kept an open mind and dated guys who I wouldn’t otherwise consider. I went on blind dates, group dates and tried online dating.
Then I met my now husband.
And suddenly everything made sense.
We shared the same background and culture, and grew up in the same type of household. His mother and father worked in their business together, and we lived 5 kms from each other. And unlike boyfriend four, he gets me.
“So you snore…” he said after we got married.
“Yes…” I answered. To be honest, snoring is one of the habits I’m ashamed of. When I sleep, I sleep like a log. But apparently, I snore pretty loud for a girl.
Boyfriend #4 was a light sleeper so that was a problem. I remembered being ashamed that I snored and he couldn’t get a good night’s sleep.
“Well that’s fine,” he said. “Our baby snores too.”
As for the laundry, he’s appalled that I don’t do any housework, cook or clean for him. His mother actually does it for us. Actually, for all of my relationships, all of my boyfriends did my laundry. I really hated doing the laundry.
“Oh well, I’d rather you work and help me in business than cleaning our toilet,” he said.
Now that’s a relief. It’s great when someone accepts you for who you really are.
Point being, there’s always a reason for everything.
For every disappointment or heartbreak comes a bright light. I don’t think there are any accidents in life. And I think that every little thing that happens to us opens us up to the next scenario, which would not have been possible if ever we did not go through the thing we did.
Sometimes, I wonder what life will bring. I’m a Christian so I do believe in God’s promise that He is in control, and everything will be okay (Jeremiah 29:11).
But as I look back in my life, I realize that everything brought me to these moments and I’m thankful.
How about you? Have you realized that your life is built in steps, and all the things that happened in the past opened you up to today? Let me know what you think.
Have a good Sunday!