Feeling pressured after meeting the parents

Hi Bonita,

How did you survive this weekend with your in laws. Please share.



Dear mom,

The weekend went really well. Trader’s family is just very warm, loving and I left the weekend feeling very loved and content. His parents are very laidback and with a good sense of humor. Both his little brother and sister have been very open to me  as if I was already part of the family. I really feel blessed , and seeing how the three siblings all bicker but love each other.

It’s just that I am spooked on what Trader has plans for us. As mentioned before, he is hoping that I go back home to the Philippines with him and start a family. He prefers two to three children if we can. I am already XX and goodness knows how I can manage to churn 2 kids within such a tight deadlines ESPECIALLY as I am not particularly good with children. I just don’t have the patience.

He wants to be the primary breadwinner, and prefers that I stay at home and take care of his little sister and our upcoming kids. If ever I work, it would be part-time and mostly hopefully to help him build “our” empire.

What I am giving up: a high monthly salary, being part of a tier-one banking franchise, my nice body (since it’s going to balloon once I have kids), and being restrained to another family. Unlike Hong Kong, the Philippines have people who know each other. There is no freedom back home and I have to stay at home and take care of the kids.

Trader promises that i can live the “tai tai” life and he will take care of me and the household, but I feel that my brains and earning power are going to waste. I didn’t take my MBA just to become a housewife and mother la. I came to get my MBA so that I can work very hard, earn a lot of money, and buy a lot of things. Okay, that just sounded very selfish but it’s the truth.

All I can say is that I am feeling pressured. Trader has of course NOT yet proposed but I really wonder if this is the type of life that I want. What happened to conquering the world? Also, Trader is pretty stubborn – actually both of us are. So I do see a life where we have numerous compromises and discussions. I want a life where the guy pretty much listens to me, and it’s difficult to be with a guy who kinda makes plans on his own and tells me about it afterward.

What happened to asking about what I want? What if I want to stay and live in Hong Kong? There’s still so much to do here, why go back to the Philippines and make “patali” (settle down)?  Yes yes, I know what mom will say. Maybe you think I am crazy but this is the truth la.

I do love Trader though. He is a good man with very good values, love kids and loves the family. He’s also very smart. I wonder though whether our paths are too different. Why cannot I stay back home in Hong Kong and do my career here? We can fly to each other on a weekly basis yes? What if he is offering me something that I do not want? What am I going to do in the Philippines?

 Anyway, love to have your opinion. I understand that you may have differing views but am panicking right now and quite unhappy.

Your loving daughter,

**Waiting for Mom’s advice later**

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3 thoughts on “Feeling pressured after meeting the parents

  1. My opinion: dive into this type of lifestyle with Trader only if you can do so with the same level of enthusiasm, drive, and conviction that you had when you began your MBA program. If you begin with any level of regret, you will end up like those students who sit in class wishing they were somewhere else. Best wishes to you, Bonita.

  2. You’re right Cheryl. 🙂
    I’m starting to really reflect about these things. Let’s see what happens and thank you for your prayers. 🙂
    Love, Bonita

  3. Hi Bonita, I stumbled across your blog when searching about the MBA program in HKUST. I’m in Finance and want to stay in Finance but would prefer to do it in HK hence the interest in HKUST. Would you have any thoughts on that? I’ve read several of your entries about your time in HKUST and now I’m unsure about HKUST. Thanks!

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