Hi Bonita,

How did you survive this weekend with your in laws. Please share.

Love,
mom

REPLY:

Dear mom,

The weekend went really well. Trader’s family is just very warm, loving and I left the weekend feeling very loved and content. His parents are very laidback and with a good sense of humor. Both his little brother and sister have been very open to me  as if I was already part of the family. I really feel blessed , and seeing how the three siblings all bicker but love each other.

It’s just that I am spooked on what Trader has plans for us. As mentioned before, he is hoping that I go back home to the Philippines with him and start a family. He prefers two to three children if we can. I am already XX and goodness knows how I can manage to churn 2 kids within such a tight deadlines ESPECIALLY as I am not particularly good with children. I just don’t have the patience.

He wants to be the primary breadwinner, and prefers that I stay at home and take care of his little sister and our upcoming kids. If ever I work, it would be part-time and mostly hopefully to help him build “our” empire.

What I am giving up: a high monthly salary, being part of a tier-one banking franchise, my nice body (since it’s going to balloon once I have kids), and being restrained to another family. Unlike Hong Kong, the Philippines have people who know each other. There is no freedom back home and I have to stay at home and take care of the kids.

Trader promises that i can live the “tai tai” life and he will take care of me and the household, but I feel that my brains and earning power are going to waste. I didn’t take my MBA just to become a housewife and mother la. I came to get my MBA so that I can work very hard, earn a lot of money, and buy a lot of things. Okay, that just sounded very selfish but it’s the truth.

All I can say is that I am feeling pressured. Trader has of course NOT yet proposed but I really wonder if this is the type of life that I want. What happened to conquering the world? Also, Trader is pretty stubborn – actually both of us are. So I do see a life where we have numerous compromises and discussions. I want a life where the guy pretty much listens to me, and it’s difficult to be with a guy who kinda makes plans on his own and tells me about it afterward.

What happened to asking about what I want? What if I want to stay and live in Hong Kong? There’s still so much to do here, why go back to the Philippines and make “patali” (settle down)?  Yes yes, I know what mom will say. Maybe you think I am crazy but this is the truth la.

I do love Trader though. He is a good man with very good values, love kids and loves the family. He’s also very smart. I wonder though whether our paths are too different. Why cannot I stay back home in Hong Kong and do my career here? We can fly to each other on a weekly basis yes? What if he is offering me something that I do not want? What am I going to do in the Philippines?

 Anyway, love to have your opinion. I understand that you may have differing views but am panicking right now and quite unhappy.

Your loving daughter,
Bonita

**Waiting for Mom’s advice later**