Is it really all about the money?

Last night, I read something interesting off the Net.

Is it really all about the money?

He wonders that men do not really choose women based on how much they make. Whereas for women, a man’s earning power is a huge factor on whether they would like to date someone or not.

The article is here if you want to read it in its entirety.

Evan Marc Katz makes a few good points. He says:

For a self-sufficient, high-earning man, a woman’s earning potential carries very little weight. Why? Because we have always been taught that nobody is going to pay our way in life. This gives men the freedom to choose a partner based on what matters most – character, kindness, fun, humor, compatibility – as opposed to mere earning potential. That’s the FREEDOM of making more money.

That quote made me think.

He’s right.

The reason why we earn money is because we want to have choices. To have money is to enjoy the luxury of making choices.

Which is why I moved out of my parents place (not by choice). Parent’s moolah, parent’s house, parent’s rules.

My money — and I get to spend it whichever way I want be it a frivolous HKD10,000 Prada bag, or a HKD15,000 trip somewhere out there.

When we do not have money, we are limited by the choices given to us. However, with money, we can chose whomever we date regardless on what others think of our decisions. For example, though I love my parents to death, whether or not they approve of my men choices is really null given that I am not dependent of their money.

What’s funny however that money actually limits the choices we women make at times, IF we take it too far.

Not a lot of men would say, “I would like to date a woman with tons of money” not unless they’re gigolos who only have their looks to rely on. However, how many of us want a man who earns comfortably way more than we do?

I don’t know about you, but truth be told, I do. Why not?

Look, I am not really saying that I would only date rich guys. I am not a gold-digger thank you very much. However, I do have to admit, a guy with money makes money pretty much a non-issue when you’re dating.

For example, if a guy is relatively generous and has money, you guys won’t have to calculate how much to order in a restaurant in an effort not to waste money. How many times have I been on a date where I have to be more careful on what I order as not to burden my date with the bill?

A guy with money will not want me to have his problem. Instead, he would even suggest that we get wine with our meal just for the enjoyment of it.

Trips abroad would also be easier to do.

I remember when I was with my second ex-boyfriend, he whisked me off to Hong Kong for the weekend just for the hell of it. We stayed at the plush Mandarin Oriental and dined at the Mandarin Grill. The dinner probably cost more than the room itself.

Now when we travel, Trader and I fairly split the bill not because he cannot really afford to pay for me but rather because we earn relatively the same amount of money. My second ex-boyfriend prolly earned 10X what I earned back then so it’s really difficult to compare.

We won’t have the same problem if my man had more money than I did.

It’s also an ego thing. Admit it guys, you don’t really want your women to make WAY more moolah than you do.

There was a time that I earned double on what Trader earned. He didn’t really feel too comfortable about it. Guys are taught from a young age that they had to be breadwinners of the family and it really pains them to see their partners bring home their bacon. In a way, it sometimes make them feel emasculated.

So it’s no surprise that though he wasn’t too happy that I quit my job for school, Trader was at least relieved that he’s now the breadwinner amongst us. I think it makes him feel more like a man to actually give me an allowance or something (he doesn’t btw).

The issue is this: If women want to date men with money, what happens to our dating pool then?

That’s right smarties —- dating pool shrinks. A lot.

In this day and age, especially in cities like Hong Kong, Taipei and Singapore, many women already earn more than their male counterparts. It’s not the same like in the Philippines where men are predominantly the bacon home-bringers you know.

But the issue is this: “If you’re a woman who is in the top 10% of earners – and you INSIST that your man out earn you – you’ve now eliminated 90% of the dating population.”

So there’s really nothing wrong about earning a high wage. But you do realize that if you insist that your man have more, then don’t really complain if you’re not really getting anyone right now.

Why can’t we in a way be like men?

There is no reason not to date someone who is sweet, kind, considerate and loves us even though he doesn’t earn as much as we do SO LONG AS he is not a financial deadbeat. Meaning, he is hardworking and pulls his own.

A guy need not outearn us. Sometimes, we women just got lucky in getting our high paying jobs. Sometimes, luck falls on different people.

However, a nice guy who loves us and has a decent job isn’t that bad right?

So placing a lot of limitations on the guys we date do hamper our dating life.

Overall, what I’m saying is this: there is nothing wrong really in being looser with our standards. It’s not that we need to throw away our standards than actually just being more reasonable about it.

So is it all about the money for you? 🙂

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2 thoughts on “Is it really all about the money?

  1. Totally agree with you on the money issue- money gives you the opportunity to have choices and to be independent.

    And yes, guys with money can be fun- taking you out to dinner, or giving your life that extra little flavor, but it’s not all about that.

    I do notice that peeps who hold a “higher rank in society” have a different kind of character than people who work at the counter for example and I do think that’s what makes us attracted to them.

    Because in the end, although your man is rich… if you can’t have a ” normal” conversation with your significant other, it won’t last all to long as long as you have enough respect to yourself… don’t you think?

    1. I agree with you Jidi. It’s really about prioritizing what you want in the end. Do you care too much about money that you’re willing to tolerate a man’s bad attitude, or can you forgo money to chose someone whom you really really want? Personally, money should really be a non-issue as it’s merely a factor, but not the end all of a relationship. 🙂

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