“You know what’s your problem?” CW tells me, “you inadvertently send out indicators of interest wherever you go…”
“You are ultra-friendly to almost every person you met, are affectionate, and wear low-cut clothes that make guys place more emphasis on your boobs than your personality,” he continues. “I think this signals a big problem.”
“So what do you suggest, Einstein?” I asked. “Shall I be a biatch, and wear ugly clothes?”
“Actually, that doesn’t sound like a bad idea,” CW continued. “Yes, wear fugly baggy clothes so that guys won’t really focus on your body, and always want to sleep with you on your first date.”
“WHAT?!” I exclaimed. “Are you telling me to intentionally make myself look ugly so guys will focus more on my personality?”
“Sure, why not?” he suggested. “Every time a guy looks at you, he thinks this girl is sexy. That’s all he thinks about… from his little head of his. Look at JH—last time we had dinner together, you passed by and all he thought was, “Oooh, hot girl” till he saw it was you. You’d like to stop guys from thinking this way.”
“Umm… so you want me to purposely look ugly,” I said aloud.
“Like fashion shows, sometimes, the model wear bad looking clothes but it doesn’t matter because the models are beautiful,” CW continued. “You have a pretty face… am sure you can carry it off, and THEN you can get a decent guy.”
“However, aren’t guys visual creatures?” I countered. “If that’s the case, NO ONE would give me the time of day. Are you sure you’d even want me to get married?!”
He laughed. “Well, you always keep on complaining that guys usually want you for your body. If you don’t emphasize your body too much, then maybe they’ll pay closer attention to other sides of you.”
“It’s true though,” my friend Karen added as we had dinner this evening at Danshui. “All your clothes are fitting clothes. Even your turtlenecks are form fitting. They emphasize your body. You should wear clothes that aren’t too fit.”
What’s everybody’s problem in criticizing my clothes all of a sudden? However, if everybody’s singing the same tune, then maybe it’s time to listen.
“Yeah, the problem with you is that your personality is too bright,” CW continues to criticize. “It overwhelms the guys… makes them think that you are harder to control, and so the decent ones don’t even chase because they think you’re a handful.”
“If you keep quiet more often and choose who you reveal yourself to,” he summarizes, “You maintain the mystery and can attract more decent men.”
So if I get it right, my friends want me to change my wardrobe into something that’s more unsexy (it’s unanimous… my friend decided it’s hard to look nice when you’re wearing super conservative clothing), be boring and tone down the personality.
The things we do to get a decent guy. Instead of encouraging me to be myself, my friends are asking me to be more of a status quo and march to the beat of everybody else.
This is because in Taiwan, I stick out like a sore thumb.
Being Filipino-Chinese, I am fortunate that I have learned the warmth and friendliness of the Spanish race. For example, I have no qualms in greeting friends with a hug (similar to beso-besos back home) and a warm smile. For me, I am glad to see my friends so why hold back ones affections? In addition, I trust people until they prove that they are not worth my trust. It’s always good to start with the right note, in my honest opinion.
However, Taiwan is different.
People are choosier on who they are friendly with. For many women, they completely ignore the guys until they have observed enough and think they are worth their time. ” CW opines. “That’s the spirit,”Be more mysterious. Don’t reveal everything on the get-go and you’ll intrigue the guys.”
Sigh, Chinese can be colder than Southeast Asian races. In the club, Taiwanese women can sometimes be total bitches. However, the downside is that I can’t really be a bitch — all I can be is to be polite.
“Your polite equates to friendliness in Taiwan,” CW moans. “Your showing your friends your affections can be equated as indicator of interest. Which is why some people think you are overly friendly.”
Aiya, how can one get the perfect balance? 🙁
Personally, I have enough.
To be honest, I think I’m just fine the way I am.
I personally like the clothes I wear and it makes me look good to wear clothes that fit me well. I don’t think I should wear baggy clothes that make me look awkward to find a decent man. Sure, I just need to get rid of the mini skirt and overly-sexy attire, but I shouldn’t throw up my whole wardrobe just because of a few bad experiences.
Second, it’s ironic that I’m being criticized for having a positive personality. My friend CW tells me not to be too happy because some people suspect that it’s fake. I mean, how can one be happy all the time?
It’s weird when others want you to be more negative and depressed. If you are happy, do you not smile and laugh? If you are sad, do you not cry? I wonder why people are asking me to cry because everybody is sad… hearing that makes me a bit sad.
It’s like someone telling me to dumb myself down in purpose to not turn men off. Since when did attracting men equal to changing oneself to accommodate?
If I need to change myself, my personality and my clothes to meet a decent man, would it also change the type of decent man that the new me will attract? If I need to look ugly, be plain and and be boring to find my future mate, then I wonder, what sort of mate would I ultimately attract?
Shouldn’t we celebrate our differences?
Shouldn’t my future mate be happy because his girlfriend looks good?
Wouldn’t my future mate appreciate that his partner is as interesting as he is?
Wouldn’t he want her to be a positive force at work and at play?
Does he not want me to be happy and comfortable in being myself?
If I need to have a wardrobe and personality change to attract a good man, then it makes me wonder if it’s really worth it. It makes me doubt if I’d even like a guy who is uncomfortable in having a good-looking and smart girlfriend with a sunny personality…
So that was the weirdest advice I’ve received this week.
To be honest, I think that CW has a little crush on me, which makes me doubt his objectivity in this matter. Sometimes, I think he is sabotaging my chances of finding true love so that no guy would ever want me, and I’d ultimately choose him who has been supporting me from day 1.
But then again, I think I’m over analyzing this and don’t think that CW is that evil. 🙂
Anyway, we shall see what will happen.
To my friends’ credit, I will listen.
I will avoid wearing my halter tops and mini-skirts going forward. I will be more careful on who I am friendly with. I will be more than a bitch if a guy isn’t giving me the respect I want.
What I’m afraid of is, I may change myself too much that I may no longer recognize the girl that I’m going to become… what’s even worse is what if I don’t even like the girl that I will become? I mean, what’s to like if you’re a negative bitch wearing ugly clothes (though this is an exaggeration?).
But we shall see. Definitely will tone down a bit, but hopefully, won’t overly do it.
Given that, would be happy to know how you feel about my friends’ advice. Do you think it’s important to just be yourself and march in your own beat, or change yourself to accommodate the status quo and make yourself attract the right opposite sex?
I read back on this entry… the structure is a bit messy but hopefully, the meaning gets through. This issue bothers me a bit as a handful of my friends are advising me to be more conservative in clothing and in action. Friends act on our best interest, but is it on my best interest to change?
We’ll see…. getting late so going to bed! Happy week everyone!