I watched an art film the day before. Dragged Mary Anne and Brandon in watching it with me. Boy, they’ll never forgive me.

It was one of the worst films I’ve ever seen in my entire life. Almost 2-hours of bullsh*t. To paraphrase Mary Anne, “Can’t believe I’ve wasted my time watching this asinine film!“

I’ve learned a new word that day. Asinine. It is to be “marked by inexcusable failure to exercise intelligence or sound judgment.” Comes from the word, “ass.” Hard to believe the film won three top Berlin awards. More surprising since the film only had one line of dialogue.

Maybe that’s what art films are all about. You spend hours watching a movie that doesn’t really make sense. If you could make heads or tails from it, it’s not really art. That’s mainstream. A sell-out.

“Wayward Cloud” was the title of the movie. A fitting name for a very wayward film.

We originally thought it’s a documentary on the Taiwan porn industry. We were partially right. There was pornography. Kinda. The first scenes included a nurse lying on the bed with her skirt hiked up. In between her legs is a big watermelon cut in half. The main actor then proceeded to make love to the watermelon using his tongue and fingers.

Talk about being crass. Afterwards, it all went downhill from there.

The setting was a nationwide drought where the government encourages citizen to drink watermelon as an alternative for water. Watermelons seem to be important in the movie. “It’s gotta mean something!” we repeatedly told ourselves. But we kept on guessing on the symbolism of the stupid watermelons even after the movie! I checked online reviews afterwards. It seems it symbolized “desire.”

Right…

We have no idea what water symbolized as well. Alienation? Maybe…

Overall, it was a BIG disappointment. All throughout the movie, the three of us were filled with disbelief and merriment. The musical scenes were especially funny. There were somber scenes, followed with crazy musicals! There was even a song that highlighted a dancing condom. Unbelievable! I laughed till tears came down my cheeks.

But in the end, the crudeness was too much. The story dragged too much, as if there was even a story. And the movie was simply stupid. It was so bad that Mary Anne had to walk out before the movie ended. She has had enough. I finished the entire movie though. Waste of time, but hey, at least, I finished it. Call it art if you wish. We’d rather call it bullsh*t.

Now, I owe Mary Anne and Brandon one. Serves me right. I just thought it was going to be a great movie considering it’s grossed millions of NT$ during its showing and ’cause it won several awards (Mary Anne still can’t believe it won three awards!). Besides, the poster was eye-catching. I’ve attached a copy below for your reference below.

Art films! Hah! Give me “Robots” anytime!