My daughter was complaining about Kumon. She said yaya was distracting her from talking to her BFF, when in fact, yaya approved her talking to BFF while doing Kumon and it was BFF who was her distraction.
I heard her being rude to yaya and called her out on it. Consequently, Aeva teared up and sulked and started answering back, rudely.
I told her whether she would prefer that I don’t call her out when she’s doing wrong. The biggest problem of parents is they’re afraid to receive their children’s disapproval, that they often don’t open difficult conversations because they don’t want kids to be mad at them.
It’s harder when kids grow up. When they have their own independence and income, it seems harder for parents to call them out for mistakes.
Adult children tend to use a lot of emotional blackmail to get what they want —- “If they don’t like what I’m doing, they can’t stop me,” or “If I don’t like what my parents are doing, I can always not talk to them anymore.”
I think it’s good for parents to start a habit of telling kids when they are wrong, in the same way that we should also be vocal to compliment when our kids do things right. As parents who have our kids’ well being at heart, why should we be AFRAID to tell them when they are wrong?
We are their parents, not their friends. Teachable moments happen as they grow up, and we must grow the habit of guiding and teaching our children even when they don’t want to listen to us, when they don’t want to accept what we say.
Their friends may agree with what they are doing, but if you think the kids are going through the wrong path, as parents, we should tell them, and let them be displeased with us if they want to be.
Anak natin yan, bobolahin pa ba natin?
When we are unafraid to speak our truth to guide our kids, the kids grow up better. They are guided better and do the right things. I think a big part of this comes in being courageous —- and not letting our kids blackmail us to acceptance IF what they do are not the right things.
I don’t need my kids approval. But I do want them to grow up like good kids. Because they carry MY NAME. If they choose to do what they want, they can do. But that does not mean I should keep quiet and not say my piece.
Take courage when raising your children. Don’t be afraid of their tears or them freezing you out. Teaching them the right way is not abuse. It is the right thing to do.