I am a part of a popular mommy group.

Many of them complain about their husbands.

A few complain of their husband’s addiction to video games. “I am exhausted and take care of the baby 24/7, while his nose is stuck in his PS4!” they’d cry.

A few tearfully ask about what they’ll do when their husband is a womanizer. Should they save their dignity and flee, or stay since he promised they will change?

A lot complain about their hateful in-laws. “My mother-in-law hates and disrespects me! She tells me what to do and I hate it! She never asks for my opinion!”

A lot suffer through depression and bouts of negativity. They feel guilty that they’re not good enough mothers, wives and women. Some feel ugly and unattractive. Others don’t seem to have a loving affinity to motherhood and seem to hate their kids. While others are just lost in their unhappiness.

“You should be careful about getting involved in such negativity,” my mom advises. “Bad vibes follow if you listen to them close enough.”

Maybe it’s just me, but reading through all their posts make me feel so blessed. Sure I complain a lot, but none of my complaints are as hopeless as others.

I have my husband, my dear daughter, and a close-knit family. What more can I ask for?

But as I analyze other people’s problems, I can divide them into two areas:

1. They were problems before, and are still problems now. Complaining about the problem will NOT solve the problem.

Case in point, the philandering husband was a already playboy even when you were dating. There were mysterious text messages from “friends” even before, and you’ve always suspected he’s had dalliances but refused to accept the fact. He may have cheated and gotten caught, but was quickly forgiven after begging for mercy.

Or, the guy was financially irresponsible even before marriage. He’s supported his entire family and have stayed in a dead end job which paid less than it should. He would keep up with the Joneses and spend for unnecessary things even though he was in debt.

It was a problem then and it’s still a problem now. People never change. It’s just that women thought they could change him.

Whoops, big mistake.

And now that they’re married, the girl is stuck. Annulment is almost impossible to get and with a child or two in tow, they now have to think about the good of the family, and keep the family unit intact even though they’re abused, disrespected and cheated on.

Marriage does not solve problems. Do NOT get married just because you already have a child with him. Getting pregnant is already a problem. Marrying the jerk who got you pregnant is not the solution.

If you marry the wrong man, then marriage will become the problem. Not the solution.

2. Problems are problems if only we problematize about them. Sometimes it’s how we view things. 

Problems will always be there. Babies problematize about getting sweets. Pre-teens will problematize on how to belong. Teenagers problematize about how to get their crushes to fall in love with them. Adults will problematize about jobs and money, while old people problematize about their health.

The only way a person will not have a problem is when they are dead, and it’s a long way to go.

To be honest, everyone has problems. You, me and everyone else.

But the difference is this — problems become bigger or smaller depending on how you see and settle problems.

Worrying about problems will not solve it.

Stressing about our problems will not make them go away.

Complaining about our problems will just exacerbate them.

In fact, the more you worry and stress about your problems, the bigger they get. Even the smallest issues become mountains the more we problematize about them. Problematizing about issues make them larger than they actually are.

However, if we try not to think about them, and instead strive to solve them step by step, then our problems become smaller.

All problems become easier to deal with when we can just stop and breathe and then come up with concrete solutions to solve them.

So mindset is very important. Staying strong and positive in amidst issues is important. Not giving up and attempting to tackle the problem one by one is important.

And I think that’s the difference between happy and unhappy wives.

Happy wives focus on their blessings, and thank the Lord everyday with what they have. Even the poorest of people have many things to be thankful for, if they just open their eyes.

Dissatisfied wives may have everything and still feel unhappy, alone and angry at their spouses.

Unhappy wife = unhappy life

And imagine you marrying a woman who is constantly dissatisfied and unhappy, now, that’s hell on earth. Because an unhappy wife will nag. As they say in Proverbs 27:15, “A quarrelsome wife is like the dripping of a leaky roof in a rainstorm…”

A leaky roof is very very annoying. You just want it to shut up. The fact that it leaks, and continues to leak, will not solve the problem. Calling the plumber is a solution. Be the solution and NOT the problem.

So to everyone, when you have a problem, think very carefully. Yes we all have problems but maybe, we are the problem.

We are the problem because we knew we have a problem with our partners, and yet we still continued to proceed with marrying the dude.

Or, we are the problem because we only see the problems, never the solution.

Ladies, let us be the solution. Not the problem. And once we see our responsibility in creating our issues, then maybe this is the first step in solving our problems and having a happier marriage.