Traderr and I had a fight the day before yesterday because I was too stressed out when he shared his wish for me to be a home-maker once we get married.
Not that I’m discounting the hard work being a home maker entails. I have much respect for them.
However, I did not feel that all my years of education and training at work readied me to just be a housewife. I suck at cleaning and I cannot cook. These are qualities I am particularly weak at, and it pains me to see that he wants me to change.
From a carefree eagle to a simple pigeon – and that’s not me.
Obviously, mom had a different viewpoint. Here are her wise words:
IN THE SUCCESS OF EVERY MAN, THERE IS A WOMEN BEHIND.
THEREFORE, it is you that will become the mover of your husband. Of course, you will NOT be the yaya (maid) to the children, caretaker to your husband, uto-uto (gullible) to your in laws and driver to the family.
YOU SIMPLY WILL BE THE MASTER OF ALL THESE.
WITH WHAT you are trained for, you should be able to manage a home, a place where your husband wanted to come home to after a long day work, a home where your childredn will be brought up as you wanted them to be, a model for your brother and sister in law and a daughter in law who people are proud to talk about.
OF COURSE WHAT YOU LEARNED or WHAT YOU ARE TRAINED for will NEVER BE WASTED.
Though you may not be using all these training, ALL THESE TRAINING will still mold you to be a perfect woman. As my student has asked me before, ” Why should we study algebra, geometry, trigo, calculus, differentials, all these will not be used naman in future career?”
Yes this question is valid. However, what is even more true is that learning all these will mold a person. Just like a knife can only be useful if it is sharp, how can it be sharp if it is not being hasa (honed) on a stupid simple hasa stone, right?
Bonita, the experience you gathered all these years, the knowledge you have earned in making successful conventions, the people you have met in your career, all these may not be what you will do again in the future, but without all these, you will NEVER BE who and what you are.
You are quick to responsd to situations, you know how to handle people, you know how to organize events, you know a lot of things. But remember Bonita, these are NOT INBORN — these are the result of all the training you have had all these years.
As a saying, there is always a genius inside all of us. Without proper training, you can never bring out the genius inside you. You’ll be like the stone that has the jade inside and will never give the PERFECT JADE.
My point is that – you should never say that sayang naman all the training you have had (all the training you’ve had is put to waste) by settling down now after married. Because you need all these training to build up the Bonita that your husband love, the quality that he sees in you and the person that you are not.
Therefore my conclusion is that – you are who you are now ALL BECAUSE OF ALL THE TRAINING you have had all these years. You should be proud of yourself as we are proud of you and we think you have equipped the qualification to be an understanding wife, a able mother and a good in law.
So dont ever say sayang because no it is not. You need all these so that:
1) You can help your husband in whatever endeavor he will enter to. He should be the head of the family, in any business that you and him will put up together. He should be the one making decision (of course after discussion and studying carefully with you, two heads are better than one).
Just like in our business, dad is the one making decision, he is always in front. However, if mom has some good thought, I will just whisper them to his ear and he be the protagonist. Mom is always in the back office of security house, keep his record, remind him of what to do and contribute good advises.
2) You can bring up a healthy family because you got to be the good example to your children.
We have a friend who is the best writer and respectable writer, and head of a department trade. When she became a mom, she quit her job, honor and position to be with the family. Now her husband doesn’t play that much majong, her two kids are always the champion in local and international math contest and she is loved by everyone. I am sure she is very happy and contented because she moved stones.
3) You can let your in law have a peace of mind knowing that their only beloved son is in good hands. Always give them the due respect and honor. Never steal the thunder away from them. You lose nothing by giving way.
4) You can make a model family with all that you have learn, quick to response, know how to organize, know how to manage the activities and know how to handle people — these are not easy job and these will NEVER make you simple HOME MAKER.
There you go peeps. Lots of stuff to think about, but always good to share.
Is mom always right, especially in this case? 🙂
2 thoughts on “In Defense of Desperate Housewives”
I take issue with your mom’s thinking. Families where both are working and have successful careers can be just as happy as other ones. Sure, her view can be great, but so can others.
Btw, marriage? I thought that one would be a shock instead? 😉
Though if you don’t mind me saying, almost all of your posts detail some fight between you and Trader. Are you making an effort to not explode at him for all those things, or at least have less fights? How about him?
Wow. No disrespect to your Mom, and no disrespect to those who choose to be homemakers, but that is only one way to live, and not one that works for everyone. Honor your own strengths and dreams and find a partner who can be as supportive to yours as you are to theirs. Just my opinion.