Why make things official?
When my good friend posted photos of her and a Caucasian in semi-sweet positions on her Facebook account, as good as we are nosy, we immediately barraged her with teasing questions like, “Oh my, is that your new American boyfriend?” and “Are you guys officially dating?”
Her answer: “Well, we do almost everything that boyfriends and girlfriends do… except nothing is official.”
In other words, it’s an M.U. or magulong usapang (relationship is confusing) arrangement. That means, they mutually like each other and act like couples do, but they’re not exclusively boyfriend and girlfriend. They can still see other people and they have no right to meddle in each other’s business.
In other parts of the world, you can say that they’re FWB (Friends with Benefits) or FUBU (f*ck buddies).
In times like these, I wish I was more like a guy.
If you’d think about it, guys have it easy.
In this sort of arrangement, you basically enjoy the goods without even paying the price. There’s no sense of loss in your part. You can do anything you’d like with the girl (e.g., make out, hold hands, and everything else the girl allows), without bearing any consequence.
For example, you are in no obligation to be there for her when she needs you.
You may date any other women and she has no right to stop you.
You don’t need to do anything for her or care for her well-being. If she doesn’t like it, she can always leave.
Of course, the arrangement also benefits the woman if she has specific urges that needs to be fulfilled. Mind you, it does take two to tango so women are not just the victims of this sort of arrangement. However, typically speaking, when sex comes in the picture, the women are usually at the disadvantage as we tend to fall in love further when our bodies get in the way.
As for men, they are free to spread their seed around and there’s really nothing you can do to stop them, and fairly so.
Given these arrangements, apologies for all women who call these men a jerk, but personally speaking, I’m a firm believer that you get what you ask for. If a woman is willing enough to settle for this sort of arrangement, you cannot blame a guy for happily getting whatever he can get.
Yes, women — no matter how smart, independent and successful — can easily fall in this FWB trap so long as their emotions get tangled upon. And when a woman falls into that trap, you’re basically screwed — literally and metaphorically. 🙁
If assuming the women are insecure enough to settle for a non-exclusive-yet-sexual relationship, please do not come to me and bitch about that bad man you’re seeing. If you’re happy settling for that sort of relationship, then sorry missy, then you deserve every pain that you get.
So back to the question — if most women in love would happily settle crumbs and settle for a suck-my-face-but-we’re-unofficial type of relationships, then why would any guy in his right mind make his relationship exclusive/official? Why not get stuck on a FWB relationship if you’re having your cake and eating it too?
The answers I got were as follows:
“Because you want the girl to be yours. You know she’s hot stuff and there are other guys who’d want her to. You want it clear that she’s officially yours.”
“Because am not built that way. Why eat burger if you can have steak?”
Trader’s answer: “Because I love you. And I’m sorry for being selfish once in my life, but I do want you for myself.”
Short and sweet. And that pretty much sums up my weekend.
For all the girls who’s settling for a half-full type of relationship, please don’t.
I’ve been stuck in similar situations when I was young and stupid, and seriously, it’s tough for a guy to see you as a serious girlfriend once you start making out without asking for any sort of commitment. In short, you’ll be the backup plan my guy friends would text at the middle of the night when they cannot pick up any other girls in the club.
Sure, it’s tough especially when you really like the guy. Sometimes, it’s worthwhile just to settle for crumbs alone instead of lying in bed wishing you were in his arms.
However, starting on this trend opens up a Pandora’s box of issues — and there’s really nobody you can blame for all the hurt and pain but yourself. Do note that it takes two to tango and if you’re not willing to settle for his crap, then nothing like these would happen.
Trader was very clear. No wishy washiness, no bullshit.
He likes me a lot.
He wants us to exclusively date or at the very least, a chance moving towards that direction.
And he hopes I’d say yes.
When a guy really really likes you, he doesn’t want a magulong usapan. He wants everything to be as clear as possible. And when he gets an answer, he wants to disseminate that information to the rest of the world.
He wants to shout, “Yes, we’re together! And yes, I adore her!”
Wouldn’t it be nice to have a guy like that too?
And yes hot stuff, you do deserve it.
Good luck and have a great week ahead!