The Long, Hard Wait

The hardest thing I think for a woman is to do nothing.

Gone are the days when women are asked to stay at home and reproduce. Now, the world has changed and with it, women stand side by side with men, changing and saving the world. We’ve gotten used to fend for ourselves that we are even insulted when a man opens doors for us, serves us food and maneuvers you to the safer side of the street.

“We can handle these ourselves,” we’d insist as we’d shrug off their assistance. “We’re now the modern independent lady. We don’t need men!”

In Hong Kong, it’s no secret that some women can be quite aggressive. Gone are the traditional Maria Claras who wait for the guy to make the move. Now, women are the ones taking charge and honestly, it’s scaring men away.

What happened to the sweet demure lady who let men be men?!” guys now complain. And the women smirk in self-satisfaction. Admittedly, it makes them feel better when they’re more powerful and make more money than the men. They dine and have tea in the snazziest restaurants, wear the latest expensive bags and party the night away at exclusive clubs — all without a guy’s financial assistance.

However, if I am one of these women, I must say, it can be quite lonely being such strong, independent and opinionated as them. At the end of the day of slashing and beating up my enemies into pieces, there’s nothing better than to go home and cuddle up in the protective arms of somebody else, feeling as if you’d like to shed that heavy suit of armor and go safely to sleep.

Being Superwoman can be quite tiring and being tough 24/7 isn’t really my cup of tea. I would be lying if I told you that it would be nice to shed away that rough demeanor and just plop on warm fluffy blankets in the company of someone who doesn’t care how much money you made, but just likes and appreciates you — just the way you are.

It’s difficult — to stop ourselves from taking charge and making things happen. Which makes dating quite difficult for women like me. “How can I get a guy if I don’t chase after him?” we’d think. “We chased after our degrees, our careers and everything we’ve accomplished for. Why can’t we chase after the guys we want?”

And that’s our dilemma.

Because men are not degrees, careers and any success that we all had to earn. They are living, breathing beings who can think and decide for themselves. And no matter how much we try to get them, they always have the free will to slip away from our fingers and move on to the next conquest.

And there’s absolutely nothing we can do.

Unfortunately, as we women get the chance to choose our men by rejecting those we do not want, guys also have this same choice of the type of women they’d love to pursue. It’s a fair world and guys get first choice. And no matter how much we insist that the world is different, I do notice that there are still some things that stay the same.

 Guy sees girl. Guy likes girl. Guy chases after girl. Girl decides whether or not to accept.

 No use to complain on why. That’s just how things are. And if you deny the fact saying that you know of a friend of a friend who had otherwise, well, all I can say is, what makes you so assured that it’s the norm than the exception? Maybe it’s more of the exception than the norm.

So for independent women like me who are used to going for things we want, the hardest thing is to just be ourselves, be the best person we can be and just be happy living in our lives. If we’re lucky, we’d catch the eye of one eligible bachelor.

Till then, we wait.

*Yes, I’m a bit traditional… so what?*

We wait and do nothing. We don’t chase after men because nature doesn’t really allow us to do so. Even if we get the guy, at the end of the day, we women will be bugged whether a guy liked us just because we were available or because they really really like us.

When we get a guy through deceit or coercion, we wonder whether it’s worth it. Once the ruse is up, will he still be there afterwards? We always want the assurance that a guy likes us for us, and not for anything else.

And so we wait and wait and wait.

And you know what? If we’re patient enough, I think that the guy who comes is well worth the wait.

Wishing that you’re wait is finally coming to an end!

Have a great weekend ahead!

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3 thoughts on “The Long, Hard Wait

  1. I believe that a independent woman is very attractive to a man, however, a man would like to see the soft side of a woman every now and then. It’s nice to have our own house, car, and job, but guys also don’t want to feel like they are incapable of satisfying a woman. I liked your piece a lot, you were very honest, and I’ve seen many women who are in the same position that you are in. But you are right, the right man will come to you when you least expect it. Things are not the way they were 50 years ago, women are built much differently. They are stronger, wiser, and more independent.

  2. Bonita,
    i definitely agre with sledge. independent and strong women are so sexy. it is one of those things that i really love about my girlfriend. it is a character trait that i have always loved. i was fooled by my x. she lived on her own, held down a good job super independent. so i thought. she hated her job wanted to move up but didnt know how to. So when life started coming up and what she wants to do to change her own life, she had no answer. so i put down the hypothetical, if there were no money issues, what do you want to do, go back to school? Change careers? anything. and her answer after 3 months of thought was i dont know. so in the end, it was somethign i could not accept. the strong front was just an act.

    point, dont pretend to be something you are not. if you want him, you should breach the subject.
    you are sitting around when that does not seem like you. go for it. nothing to lose. and if he cant handle your success or you putting the move on him, mayber he really isnt for you.

  3. Understood Sledgery and AC, independence and confidence are both attractive traits in women. There’s something special being with someone who doesn’t need you, but choose to be with you. Such a head trip!

    That said, I think the guy should still pursue the woman. If he likes you enough, he will ask. He will make you his. And if he doesn’t, well… next! Continue to live your life to the full and be the best you can be.

    Next post coming soon… should be very interesting and quite controversial. Thanks once again for sharing to me your personal stories!

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