I HAD A FEW GUY BEST FRIENDS IN MY LIFE
I was fortunate to have a few guy best friends at different times who came into my life.
When we met, we just clicked.
We shared the same wavelengths.
For one or two, we shared similar interests.
We could talk for hours and hours about nothing and everything.
Now, that’s cool.
And up until now, I count them as my guy best friends who came, I cared for, and then left.
So when the article about the man with a girl best friend posing alongside the woman who became his wife, it struck a cord in me.
Is it really possible to have a guy best friend whose feelings were only platonic?
Hmmmmm….. well you be the judge.
My first guy best friend was Japanese.
For an entire year, we saw each other regularly. In the evenings, we would have dinner with friends and afterwards, he would walk me back to my place.
A complete gentleman. He even took pity on me and took on laundry duties, knowing I hated doing them. He would pick up my dirty laundry, wash them, dry them, fold them and then deliver them back to my house. Waaah!
A year into our friendship, we strolled through Chiang Kai Shek Memorial Hall like we usually do. After some prodding, I was surprised to know that he really liked me. And has been liking me for awhile.
So whoops. Hindi pala super platonic, at least from his end.
My second guy best friend was American, the boyfriend of my girl best friend. It was terrific that they were together. We hung out a lot. I loved her to death and still do.
When they broke up for their own personal reasons, I was sad but hung out with both of them separately.
I consoled my girl best friend over her breakup, and my guy best friend consoled me over my breakup, with the first guy best friend whom I actually dated for a year.
For one moment, there was a time we could have kissed, but didn’t. Maybe it was because I was still too shaken with the breakup. Maybe it was because I treasured my girlfriend way more. Maybe it was because it was a one time or two time thing or because I met someone else.
The fact is, there was a chance I could have made out and maybe even dated my second guy best friend. He was willing then, but at that time, I was not. I decided not to proceed even if there was a chance we could be something more. So nothing happened.
So whoops again. It was not as platonic as imagined.
I met my third guy best friend in an event I was organizing.
We clicked on everything possible. We had similar personalities. If you could have made a male version of me, Third was it.
I liked Third too. Really liked him as he ticked off all my boxes. I was fine with a best friendship but when we found out we liked each other, there was little hesitation to fall into a relationship.
So whoops once again. This time, the attraction and decision was mutual.
So far, in my best friendships, like, attraction and love have all came in to complicate things, and it’s really a matter of whether we took action on it or not. Either he liked me (most did), or I did (I dated those that I did), but if I was being honest, it was never 1000% platonic until Fourth came in.
Fourth was married when I met him.
We were wall climbing partners and I respected his moves on the wall. I can tell you this for a fact, I had zero attraction with him.
Sure, Fourth had the most beautiful eyes with long lashes, and had the chiseled body of an experienced wallclimber, complete with a strong six pack. I also adored talking to him and we would talk while on the wall, which was 3-4 times a week. But he was not my physically my type, so there.
His marriage to his wife imploded during our best friendship. She wanted the white picket fence and kids while he wanted to maintain his no kids life a little bit more. They just wanted different things.
I never went in between their issues though she erroneously thought I eventually dated him because on how good our friendship was. Like uh, he’s cute to you but he’s not cute to me.
I never dated him nor did I ever want to. He’s really not my type, nor was I his. If the wife knew him better, she would have seen he liked easy women who looked like skanks and played dirty. And he partook of them post their divorce cum separation.
I was only the scapegoat, the the fall girl whom he would say he would hang out with, when in fact, he was out sleeping with the girls he really liked.
Okay so Fourth was 1000% platonic at least from my end. Maybe it was because he was busy chasing other skirts, I never knew if we had a moment. We can never be because I simply couldn’t give him what he was asking for, if you knew what I mean.
There were many other times I had guy friends with varying level of deep friendships. Some toyed with the idea of being more, while others remained strictly platonic.
My best friendship from high school is 1000% platonic. We still meet together even up until 25 years of friendship, but we will never be. Physically, we are not each other’s type. So platonic friendships DO happen.
THE FEAR IS REAL.
But for many of my guy best friendships, could I really say with guarantees that their girlfriends have nothing to be concerned about? Because I’m sure I had been an issue from time to time, only to be assuaged that I was not a threat. Female intuition is strong. If I was ugly or had a bad personality, I’m sure she would be more secure in her relationship.
Personally, I have never stolen a guy off his girlfriend. This girl has principles. I’m also not that pathetic. I also don’t need to steal to get a guy. Usually relationships blow off on their own accord and at their own pace. My best friendships last longer than most relationship so why steal?
I see the danger though. I have dated guy best friends before. Most obviously failed for various reason, but I did marry my husband, who is also my current guy best friend.
Honestly, if the friendship persists a long period of time, moments of intense physical attraction do exist. I am sure there are times when they found me attractive, as there were times I found them attractive.
“Hot damn! He’s cute!” are thoughts that have popped into my head with the guy best friends who turned into more. Alcohol and long nights together do help. It was just a case on whether we will take action or not.
So do I really believe in the concept of having completely platonic relationships with the opposite sex?
Looking back, my answer is NAH.
HARD TO CONTROL PHYSICAL ATTRACTION
If I’m the wife or the girlfriend and I really love my partner, no way will my partner leave me behind at home to take care of the things while he’s out cavorting with his girl best friends. It’s like a timebomb waiting to happen. You don’t know when it will explode but it MIGHT —- and that sucks for anyone whose the third wheel, which in this case is the legitimate girlfriend or wife.
For the wives and girlfriends, protect your relationships by being uncool and now allow your partners to hang out with their girl best friends ONE ON ONE. Lalo na if may overnights, out of towns, or with alcohol.
You don’t have to be the cool understanding girl whose secure about her relationship.
We are human after all. We feel things. And sometimes, when the moment is just right, sparks do fly. And the line between best friendship or beyond do get blurred. Because why not?
We may have blamed the alcohol. People make more mistakes when alcohol is involved.
But honestly, was it the alcohol or were it just supressed feelings boiling over after simmering for a long period of time?
It’s hard to find people you like nowadays. Attraction is just the icing in the cake. What my experience has taught me is that exposed to a long period, a monkey can be attractive. What more a guy best friend whom you click in almost every way?
2 thoughts on “Do 1000% Platonic Friendships Exist?”
Well said! If I may share, in counseling a friend, and in this particular case, of opposite sex, is to be avoided as long as possible. Yes, we are friends but when a friend who is vulnerable may find comfort in you, then there’s a possibility that the comfort you are offering may end up as a “love story”. And that’s why it’s better to let your wife to talk to your friend and offer comfort than you as a friend to avoid any unusual relationship that may develop later.
What an interesting topic! I’ve had several male best friends that are truly platonic. It’s difficult to find, but they do exist. Thank you for sharing.