I realize now the big difference of going out with somebody just because they asked, and spending the day with someone because you are really interested.
Last week, I went out for delicious Indian fare with MidBoss (not his real name of course).
The food was delicious, and we had some fun moments, and afterwards, he graciously paid for the meal, dropped me off my house and has been patiently waiting for Date #3.
The ball’s now at my court because he’s already asked me out twice, and I know it’s my turn to ask him out if ever I want to take this thing forward.
He has expressed interest, and I know he is, because after dating so many psycho and overly-dependent women in Taipei, I think he’d like to have a change and date somebody “normal” and “independent” instead.
But I’m not feeling it.
So here’s this great guy with a good head on his shoulders, financially stable, funny, a good conversationalist and loves adventure, but nope, I’m just not feeling him.
For some reason, I just can’t see myself with him in any short- or long-term because I know my parents would go berserk if they knew I was dating him (he’s non-Chinese), and nope, I don’t like him that much to go against the flow.
And I’m afraid that if I do go out in Date #3, it offers a clear message that I am interested and/or he may attempt something to further the relationship. There’s no ideal result in going out with him again unless I am really interested, so am weakly just letting this die a quiet death.
Gosh, I need some balls in turning guys down…
But hey, why go and face the music if you can just hint that you’re uninterested by not following up?
But with this other guy whom I spent half the day out yesterday, it’s a whole different ballgame. Let’s call him… hmm… SimpleGuy, hao le.
I actually find myself looking forward to seeing him again.
Needless to say, if he did invite me out again even for some desserts, I wouldn’t mind freeing my time.
Despite doing the most mundane activities yesterday, I came home with a happy, lively glow, and I just couldn’t explain it.
Of course, I am not jumping the gun to announce that I “like” him, but compared to MidBoss, the feeling is different, and I know understand that there’s a distinct difference of going out with someone because they’re nice, and hanging out with someone because you feel nice being with them.
For the latter, you can do almost nothing, and still feel great!
However, what’s the differentiating factor of SimpleGuy?
Jeez, I’m not even sure how to explain why I’m slightly attracted to him.
Put it this way, he reminds me of the time when I was 21 and life was simpler and more innocent.
Back then, we ate at hole-in-the-wall places, spent minimum amount of money, discovered Taipei at a small budget and yet, it was a time of freedom, exploration and wonder. Because we didn’t have money to spend, it wasn’t an issue. Because I was then a student, I didn’t have the pressures of demanding clients, hectic schedules and crazy hours.
It was the time when you can do whatever the hell you want, whenever you wanted to. And this freedom, that was just exhilarating.
SimpleGuy’s life is like that.
In a way, he reminded me of Michan (Ex #1) who lived an uncomplicated life. And he has a passion, and I liked that. He’s my height (oh damn!) but I don’t really mind.
Regardless, I wouldn’t jump the gun and say that something’s going to happen.
For all I know, he’s not interested in me (or if he is, he’s not very obvious in showing it), and you know me… if a guy’s not making a move, it’s hard for me to do something because I’m still very conservative in thinking that if a guy’s interested, he’ll move hell and high water to get you out, and if a guy ain’t that interested, well then better not start.
I find it better for me if a guy’s more interested in me than I in him, otherwise, you’re off to a rough start because you’re second-guessing whether you’re together because you “chased after him,” instead of him really liking you.
Of course, I’ll make it overly easy for him to ask me out, but if I need to do the asking, well never mind lo.
But then again, maybe my mind is fooling me again, but I did feel sparks yesterday. But did he feel it too, I wonder? 🙂
Anyway, point being is, going out with two men last week, it’s eye-opening on how there’s a distinct difference if the element of attraction is there or not.
Last week taught me that attraction can’t be forced — it’s either there or it’s not.
And if any guy’s worth your time, better spend it with the guy that you like instead of the guy who’s merely nice, because there are way better ways to spend your time than to lead somebody on.
Like washing your laundry.
Aiya, I know… I know… I’m too hard on MidBoss.
Point being, am just not that interested, so why go out with him knowing that the reason why he’s going out with me is because he’s interested. And why should I if I’m not really… or at the very least, am uninterested in pursuing anything save for a friendship.
We’ll see lo. MidBoss SMSed me yesterday hinting and inviting me out for the weekend but I merely ignored it. Still thinking whether or not I should go.
But today, I had a smile on my face thinking of Simple Guy. 😀
Jeez, and that’s just thinking about him. No qualms, no expectations… nothing!
So yes, there’s a distinct difference, and I’d rather do something else than to date someone I’m not really into with, just because he’s asked me out.
But will SimpleGuy ultimately ask me out? Hmmmm…. given my luck with men, most likely not. But we’ll see, shall we? 🙂
Time’s awasting… abangan ang susunod na kabanata (wait for the next chapter).
Happy weekend everyone!
One thought on “A Big Difference”
Attraction can be “forced” to some extent. Read up on “SOME EVIDENCE FOR HEIGHTENED SEXUAL ATTRACTION UNDER CONDITIONS OF HIGH ANXIETY”.