The Anti-Girlfriend!

*Super busy at work today, so I have no choice but to get from my Raven archives. Written last January 20, 2006, this was the time when I felt I was like the anti-girlfriend, since a lot of women felt insecure/threatened that I was hanging out with their boys and getting along well with them.

To them, I say, “Stop being insecure! Being jealous will only push them away further. Instead, focus on being the best woman you can be, be confident and let them run after you!”

Just an update, last night, I went wallclimbing which was pretty fun. As for tonight, there’s an All-Chamber Happy Hour at Carnegies, but am probably just going to have dinner with Aussie guy. One last chance for him! Let’s see how it works out!

C’est La Vie!
One of my favorite songs is Pussycat Doll’s, “Don’t Cha“:

I know you like me (I know you like me)

I know you do (I know you do)
That’s why whenever I come around she’s all over you
And I know you want it (I know you want it)
It’s easy to see (it’s easy to see)
And in the back of your mind I know you should be home with me

Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me
Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me
Don’t cha, don’t cha, baby
Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me
Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me
Don’t cha, don’t cha
I know I’m on your mind
I know we’ll have a good time
I’m your friend
I’m fun
And I’m fine
I ain’t lying
Look at me, you ain’t blind [2x]

I’m not going to write about the entire song. I’m pretty sure you’ve already heard it repeated several times on the local radio or playing in the club. Instead, I’d like to share my thoughts on what this song indicates.





What’s an anti-girlfriend?

Personally, my definition of an anti-girlfriend isn’t someone who is the enemy of the girlfriend, who steals her man from her clutches.

Instead, it represents the opposite of everything a typical girlfriend represents.

For example, from my very limited experience, single women are usually more fun. They’re open to more adventures, and if you invite them out, they’re all set to go. Even the most boring of women would find the time to go out with her friends, even if it’s just for dinner or coffee.

However, from the moment they get themselves a guy, typically, their whole lifestyle changes.

They find themselves spending all their free time with him, replacing their friend-time with boyfriend-time.

They’re not very open to trying new things…


Forget it, they’d rather stay home, watch TV or cuddle.


She brings him along.

Suddenly, she becomes oh-so-inseparable from her significant other.


Bottom line is, in my humble opinion, they become boring.

They cling to their boyfriends like a leach, and call him several times a day. After work, either they go straight home or spend time with their guy. Weekends are spent with boyfriends relaxing or doing whatever.

And what do guys feel?

Sometimes, they don’t mind hanging out with their girlfriends. But I’m pretty sure, especially among long-term relationships, they can’t help but wish that their girlfriends would have her own life… do more exciting things… dress sexier… or more like, becoming the fun woman they’ve initially fallen in love with.

Instead, they’re stuck with a dud.

Where was the confident, exciting woman that they’ve met before?

Gone. Poof. Disappeared.


And then arrives, the anti-girlfriend.

The girl who represents everything exciting, and is the total opposite of your girlfriend.

She is open, dresses sexier, has her own life, fills her schedule with exciting going-ons and is just so much fun to be with.

I used to be an anti-girlfriend, then a girlfriend, then an anti-girlfriend again.

Haha, my friends call me the “busiest girl they’ve ever met!”

I don’t know if that’s a compliment or not… but whatever.

One friend even said, “When was the last time you just stayed home and did nothing? If I’ll call you, you’ll still be out. When was the last time you’re home by 10:30PM?!”

Hmmm… let me think.

Every day and every weekend, I would go out and do something fun with my friends. Whether it’s in day trips out of town, going clubbing, having tea, or doing outdoors activities, I would always regal my friends and colleagues of the people I’ve recently come across with and the adventures I’ve experienced. And yes, I’ve come across so many weird and nice people in the past couple of weeks.

People say that I have “style.” Haha, if it’s the clothes I wear, then… okay. I’m laughing because the clothes I wear to work, and especially when going clubbing, are clothes that most conservative women wouldn’t dare to wear. I don’t even have winter clothes! I just love wearing halter and tank tops even in the winter. 😉

I am friendly and open to everyone I meet… I always had a ready smile. I am never too embarrassed to go out of my way to talk to people. And yes, I do intimidate a lot of men (one guy even said, “I was afraid that you were snobby, but after I met you, I knew you weren’t”) and most women don’t want me to hang out with their boyfriends.

Sigh. Actually, lots of women don’t really like me. The single ones think I’m getting too much attention from the eligible men (most are my good friends), while the insecure attached ones just want to hang out with their significant others.

Okay, so am I tooting my horn that loudly by saying that I’m the anti-girlfriend?

*think, think*


But my ultimate point is not whether I’m one or not. It’s just a label anyway.

My point however is, the trap a lot of women fall into after they find a boyfriend is that they give up their friends, interests and become boring. They’re always hanging around with their men and abandon the exciting life that they used to lead.

I guess, that’s understandable because if you’re single, you push yourself more to meet others and do interesting things. But once you’re attached, you’re satisfied hanging out with your hubby even when you’re not doing anything.

However, it’s not good to be boring. 🙁

Trust me, I’m no exception.

Taking my past experience, when I’m with someone, I’m so content just to be with them whether we’re hanging out or going to parties. I don’t lose touch with my friends, but I notice that I see them way less than I used to and I don’t do as much activities with a wider variety of people than before.

It may seem inevitable but it’s good to remember that with or without someone, you have to maintain that spice in your life. Don’t let yourself go. You still have to go out, look good and have fun.

Guys should not complete you.

Enrich your life, yes.

But not be your life.

*A hard lesson you’ll learn over and over again especially if you break up and you’re too dependent on him.*

So my point?

Still be the anti-girlfriend even when you’re a girlfriend.

Otherwise, be prepared to kiss your boyfriend goodbye to the lures of the anti-girlfriend.

Okay, that was an exaggeration, but hey, you get my point.


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