How many dates does it take before a guy expects something more?
A guy friend of mine said, “I’d probably give it around 3 to 5 dates, and if I’m not getting any sign of affection back, I’ll just give it up.”
Another guy friend waited for over 10 dates before giving up. My guess is that he’s so intrigued of a woman not putting out immediately that it took him that long before he gave up.
Dating is a period of time when both parties are still getting a feel about each other, trying to see what the other person is like.
For me, it’s better if there aren’t any complications of physical intimacy at least in the beginning.
This is because the moment you start incorporating physical intimacies into a blooming relationship, it torpedoes the relationship so fast, that you’ve reached a point of no return and you’re not even sure if this person is the one you want.
You’d want to backtrack, but too late, you can’t do that without hurting the other person.
That’s why for me, I don’t really date. I just hang out, get to know the other person in a comfortable pace till BAM!
Sometimes though, I feel the pressure.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m an affectionate person myself, but sometimes, I feel that the guy is just waiting to see how long will it be before you put out.
They do love the challenge, you know.
One guy friend complained to me, “Sometimes, I think women see men as meal tickets. Why is it that you girls go out with a guy even if you’re not interested in them? You lead us on, because you have no intention in taking us seriously and yet you continue to go out with us.”
Hmmm… well, I can only speak for myself.
For the record, I don’t go out with guys just because they can treat me to a nice dinner.
I can well afford to go eat in nice restaurants myself, so I don’t really need a guy to pay for me.
In addition, people who know me well know that I don’t have a lot of time to spare.
Hence, I choose the people I spend my time with and don’t want to waste time with a bore just because he takes me to nice restaurants.
Excuse me but seriously, I have better things to do.
I will go out with someone though if I’m interested in him, but I’m not sure if I like him that much yet… I don’t like to lead guys on but I’ll try to see if I enjoy his company and see if he fits me and my personality and vice-versa.
Dating is indeed interesting.
The uncertainty can sometimes drive you up the wall, and yet there’s a certain excitement in it.
Such as seeing how long it takes for him to reply to an email. 🙁
Let’s see how things work out.
I’m pretty pissed with Aussie guy. Actually, really bothered, and that’s not a good thing.
It all started yesterday that I had a free night because nothing came up and I didn’t plan anything for last night.
One thing I learned — I NEED to have plans, otherwise I’d go nuts. Gosh, even “Raven” days (days where I don’t do anything but devote time to myself) had to be planned.
Aussie guy sent me an email, asking about restaurants in my area. Seeing this opening, I invited him out to dinner.
He told me that he had yoga that night, but that should finish early. If he feels like it, he’ll jump on the taxi and head over to see me. He said he’ll call later.
First, I learned how much I hate the words, “I’ll meet you when I feel like it.“
Damnit, if you can’t make it, just say so. I’ll make other plans. But please don’t keep me hanging saying that you’ll meet me only if you feel like it.
Sorry for reacting this way, but I’ve come to realize how much I abhor wishy-washiness. This, including last minute cancelations (and I’ll get to that later), is something that I really REALLY hate.
So make up your mind, man! 🙁
Anyway, 6:30PM, none yet…
7:00PM comes, still no call…
7:30PM… no call.
Finally, at 8:00PM, I receive a text message from him saying, “Shit, sorry. I meant to message you ages ago. I came home and got comfortable so no trip out near you tonight. Sorry, still okay for Thursday I hope.“
*we have a standing date Thursday btw*
So guess how pissed/bothered/disappointed I am.
Good thing I made alternate plans, meeting up with my good friend Mary Anne and her Swedish pal, Kaan. We had a nice pizza dinner at Alleycats (still the best pizza in Taipei) and then chocolates at Chocolatier afterwards.
But still… the point is, if he can forget telling me that he can’t make it, how reliable will he be in the future?
Good thing I talked to Karen last night.
“The most important question is, ‘How interested are you in this guy?'” she wisely asked. “People don’t change, he’ll be like this. He’ll always be a homebody and sleep early. But who cares? If you’re not that interested, then it doesn’t really matter if he’s interested or his habits are different from yours.“
Hmmm… I’m not sure how interested I am, but yes, I am definitely interested. That’s why I’m still going out with him, to see how much we can suit each other or if we enjoy each others’ company.
Unfortunately, him canceling a date last Friday and the debacle last night did wonders in lowering down that interest. 🙁
Now, I’m not even sure if I’m keeping that date tomorrow…
“Well, if your aim is just to be friends, then this shouldn’t really bother you,” Karen advised. “Sure, it’s irritating but you’re not marrying the guy so you don’t really have to hang out with him so often.”
Sigh, we shall see.
Things aren’t really going according to plan.
This is such an awful week… I don’t even know what I’m going to do tonight, whether or not I’m going wallclimbing.
And not knowing my schedule drives me completely nuts. 🙁
Till then, live life to the fullest you guys!
6 thoughts on “How many dates?”
Interesting.. Reminds me of the mess I got myself into when I actually allowed a guy to kiss me even before we were officially together. I’m not sure though whether it was the alcohol, or the seemingly enchanting evening, or my ‘barren’ lips (having been single for a long time), that I totally forgot I was a dalagang Pilipina and gave in to his beautiful kisses. It didn’t really mean anything to me that time, but he took it as a yes and things got cluttered and well we did end up together… for two weeks.. then it was over.. lesson for me…As with the Aussie guy, dont get stressed out..just go out and have fun…
Malu, thanks for sharing your experience with us! Yes, with Aussie guy, we have a standing date tomorrow. Hope he doesn’t screw this up!
oh tell me about it. i hate it when people back out at the last minute, or some who asks who’s going before they decide.
i’m glad when i was in taiwan, everyone’s cool in just hanging out. i miss taiwan.
i’m guessing here. but i think aussie guy is trying to test u. trying to see how u would react. either that, or he doesn’t really care if he meets up with u or not.
oh yes, me too! i know a lot of people who set up scheds with you, you text them / try calling them.. no reply.. and then they apologize last minute..either the didnt wake up, they forgot..endless excuses..
omg i thought i was the only one with this damn situation. guys suck. too bad i like the one i’m dating too much to tell him off.
Chekwa, we’ll see… he’s trying to convince me to go out with him again. So funny, he just went to Manila on a biz trip and has a huge bag of dried mangoes to give me.
Lokita, that’s too bad. Sometimes though, u have to toughen up ur spine to get their respect. Tough, cause u run the risk of loosing him, but that’s the only way you can get him to ever like u as much as u like him.