* I wrote this last September 28, 2005 — one of the hardest days ever — and just posting it now because I’m too lazy and brain dead to write a new entry. Hopefully, it can shed some light on how I feel about being totally out of control of a situation at that time, and totally helpless in doing something about it. It takes me a while to get really mad, but when I do, I remember.

Have a great day.
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I am mad…

I am mad because I am being judged…

I am mad because it is the people who do not know me, judge me…

I am mad because these judgments are based from stereotypes, instead of my own character and being…

I am mad because I am not being defended from these judgments…

I am mad because I am not given the chance to defend myself…

I am mad because these judgments are slowly changing the way you feel about me…

I am mad because these judgments bother you, tie your stomach to knots and stress you out…

I am mad because I cannot help you deal with this…

I am mad because you are willing to give up something beautiful because you are embarrassed…

I am mad because I know we have nothing to be ashamed of…

I am mad because ultimately, there’s really nothing I can do about it…

I am mad because you want me to settle for something else…

I am mad because I’d probably give it to you…

I do not get mad easily. But when things are unfair, I cannot help but be mad.

Hopefully though, you can realize that there are things beyond our control. But we can deal with them.

Together.

Please don’t give up. I think ours is something worth fighting for…

Be strong.