Weekend’s been relatively quiet.
Well, for one, Ex #2 is back in town.
And Raven bangs her head on the wall.
After over three weeks of “distance” and having dinner with a friend at a nice Turkish Kebab restaurant, Raven found herself hanging out with him and his friends because it’s their friend’s 41st birthday party.
*groan*
That’s the problem when you freaking have too many friends in common! 🙁
I’m serious!
Just last week alone, I spent New Year’s eve with his ex-buddies, went wallclimbing and consoled his close girl-friend who had problems of her own, partied with his drinking buddies, and yes, smoked a hooka pipe with his close friends.
I don’t know about you guys, but trust me, all of these are unintentional.
For the few couple of months that we’re together, I’ve gotten to know a lot of his friends, liked them and they in return have became my good friends.
Jeez, even a close buddy of his called me his “family” in Taipei.
I sincerely like these people and I know some of them I’ll keep in touch with even after they leave Taiwan.
But jeez, the circle is just too damn small!
Even when he’s not here, I’m still reminded by his presence. 🙁
My own friends say to just quit and stop hanging out his and I’s mutual friends.
Oh my, that cuts out half of my acquaintaces then.
So sue us, we know a lot of people, mutually.
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So first night he’s back in Taipei, I see him.
Looking good, gained a little weight on the side but still his nice self. He’s tired and jetlagged but still makes an effort to have fun in his buddy’s birthday.
He sends me home. We say our goodbyes.
It’s been awhile since he’s gone wallclimbing so he asked when I would go.
Truthfully, I told him I’ve already made plans with my friend to go wallclimbing the next day. He expresses his desire to go, and nicely (or stupidly), I invite him.
The next day, we go wallclimbing.
And then, on Sunday, I see him again for a brunch organized by our organization. He’s co-organizer so I see him in all of these things.
*slaps forehead*
We then go and watch The Chronicles of Narnia (we always make after-brunch plans), which is a good movie (but not as great as I’ve expected since everyone hyped it up so highly) and have a nice sushi roll dinner with friends.
He walks me from Warner Hsinyi to my place.
Gosh, he’s been back 3 days, and I’ve seen him for 3 consecutive days.
Now, I know this isn’t healthy for me, and oftentimes, I ask if I’m doing this to punish myself or not.
Sometimes it shames me that I find it difficult to resist his charms. Othertimes, I don’t really give a sh*t.
Look, don’t get me wrong. I’m not pathetic enough to not live without him in my life. But I’m afraid this is going to be another cycle.
Over and over again.
Oh my gosh though, if you should’ve seen him.
Okay, so girls are sucker for guys opening up their feelings to them, and he’s good at that.
Basically, he told me what I already know — He told me he has been scarred with his 13 year relationship with his ex, and because of that, he’s not ready for a commitment. He was so hurt the last time that he wanted to make sure he’s gotten the right one this time because he cannot stand being hurt anymore.
Before any of you kill me for being stupid, is there any chance that he really means it?
Okay, I’m an alcoholic, and I have a problem.
I just can’t seem to get rid of this addiction. 🙁
So I’m weak and the problem is that I’m too overconfident of myself.
Help?
Girl, you need to make a decision and stick to it. Do you want to move on or not? If you want to move on, you need to start getting over him, and that includes cutting him out off your life. No more of that “we can still be friends” shtick, it’s obvious you still can’t and you’re just making it harder on yourself. Work on that friendship thing when you’re honestly, truly over him.
My tips:
1) Don’t go out with him alone.
2) Don’t go out with your mutual friends if he’s there. You may seem petty and bitter but be honest, tell them you’re trying to move on and that it’s hard to do so if you keep seeing him. If they’re your real friends, they’ll understand.
3) If you must be together, like in that organization thing you have, ask your close friends there to “guard” you and prevent you from talking to him for too long or inviting him out.
4) Don’t invite him out. Even if you invite the whole org except him to go somewhere, you don’t owe him anything (no more Ms. Nice, remember?). He may feel hurt, confused, or say you’re petty and bitter, but I think that’s better than giving him the satisfaction of thinking that “Ha! See, she can’t wait to be with me”—because trust me, that’s what he’s thinking.
And that “I’m not ready for a commitment thing”—that’s a bunch of bull. It doesn’t mean he’s not ready for a commitment… it means he’s not ready for a commitment WITH YOU.
Sorry to be so direct, but you did ask for advice….
Thanks Jac for your sweet and no-BS reminder. I’m doing that right now, and though it’s hard, hopefully, I can get over this fast.