What is real love?

I had brunch with my good friend Jose today when I nonchalantly said that women had to hold back with their love, so that guys could love them more. If they seem to be too eager or desperate, guys usually run away. Hence, it seems that women had to pose themselves as a challenge, and play “hard to get” so that guys can value them more.

The statement was actually based from my conversation yesterday with a close girlfriend. She ruefully shared with me that most of the guys whom she was interested in was not that interested in her. I have heard this several times lately from various women the past couple of weeks.

It seems that when we’re not showing interest, guys are aggressive in courting us, trying to woo us like there’s no tomorrow.

But once they know they “have” us, most of the time, they become lazy, and let the women hold the reins in the relationship. Whereas they used to make time despite their busy schedules, all of a sudden, they became too busy. Whereas they used to call us several times a day, women start to forget how their guy’s voice sounded like because it’s been a while since they’ve heard from him.

Guys like the hunt,” I said. “But once they caught you, it’s a whole new story. So it’s actually guys’ fault that women have to revert to ‘games’ to keep their interest.”

Jose replied, “That’s not true. You know what? What is real love? Real, mature love is to do what your heart tells you. If the other person truly loves you, why play games? Why fool around? To love is to give. You give yourself to the other person, as the person freely gives his/her love to you.

He then shared that in his previous relationship, he experienced the unbelievable feeling of loving and being loved in return.

Why do you have to play games?” Jose asked. “To maintain the other person’s interest? Now, that’s an immature way to do it. Only immature people play games. Real love is to do what your heart tells you. It’s to show your real self to the other. For example, don’t be afraid to make that call — call. Don’t be afraid to say, ‘I love you’ if that’s how you really feel. Just say it.

I can’t help but agree. I look back to the past where I was always so careful with my then-boyfriend. I didn’t want to call a lot because I didn’t want to give him any pressure, or look clingy. I was afraid to say how I really felt, because he hasn’t said it first.

Girls are more like that. We’re more emotional. At least for the majority of women, we think too much. We tiptoe around the ones we love, thinking of what we should say or do, because we didn’t want to “lose” him.

But come to think of it, if he can’t appreciate you and the love that you give, why stay?

If he cannot accept the real you, why waste your time?

A bit scary, right? It’s scary because if we face facts, there’s a chance we may lose the person we love the most. But better now, than later. If the other person cannot value you for who you are, then you are not compatible. Hence, it’s so much better to stop playing games and find out if a person can really appreciate you for who you are now, than finding out years from now.


To love is to not wear a façade. It’s having the courage to show the other person the real you. And if the person is really worth it, he/she will be able to accept you for who you are.

If not, screw them.

And I don’t mean that literally.

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