After suffering a miscarriage last January, I am happy to announce that I am once again pregnant.

We are keeping it a secret yet from our folks because we don’t want to share the happy news, and again suffer another disappointing miscarriage. Studies have shown that the chances of miscarriage increases during the first trimester, and I am about 10 weeks and 5 days and counting y’all.

How is this different from normal?

1) For one, I feel fat and bloated. While I have maintained the same amount of weight, Lord forbid, I now have a tummy bump — also known as a salbabida — even though I eat about the same.

When you hold my stomach, I now have two bumps. Whereas I had a flat tummy before, thanks to my vanity which I learned in Taiwan/Hong Kong, my little bump exists, and it’s growing quickly.

My clothes now feel tight especially around the chest, especially when I breathe. There are certain things I cannot wear because they are uncomfortable, and I’m just in my first trimester!!!

2) I get more tired easily. Over the last week, I was already exhausted from 9pm. Two evenings ago, I slept at 10pm, and woke up at 9am! For someone who is used to at most 6 hours of sleep, this tiredness is ridiculous. As if I am super busy the whole day.

Yesterday, after the doctor’s check up, I was once again tired. Maybe it was all of the groping, but I was snoring by 10pm.

Sigh.

Who knew that being pregnant drains your energy? Or maybe that’s just my body’s excuse that I am working too hard and haven’t gotten a lot of sleep.

3) I love being pampered and getting what I want. My husband spoils me. With little pea coming, he spoils me a lot more. He lets me pick what to eat in the evening, and is sweeter than ever, if that’s even possible.

He was nice enough to go with me to the Ob-Gyn yesterday even though the line was long. We arrived at 1:30 pm, and waited till 3:00pm just to see the doctor. Then, we had an ultrasound and some tests. At Php 5,500.00 poorer, we were done by 6:00 pm!

The whole afternoon gone just to check up on Little Pea!

I think there will be a lot of physical, emotional and mental changes up ahead. For one, I am not feeling especially maternal yet.

“I think I will be a bad mother,” I confessed to husband.

While other parents just want their kid to be healthy and happy, I already have ambitions to enroll my kid in Math class at a tender age of 3, and learn chess by 4. If I have my way, he/she would be reading company annual reports and doing discounted cash flows (DCF) by high school.

“Let the kid be a kid,” my husband implored after hearing of my plans to give the yaya a Php 2,000 bonus if she can teach our Little Pea to walk before it reached 1 year old, and to talk before the age of 10 months.

“He/she will be a kid. But he/she will be a successful kid,” I answered.

Like I said, I will be a terrible mother.

Honestly, I don’t know how to raise a child… I only know how to manage a business. But nobody taught me how to raise a child, and a screaming baby at that.

“You’ll be fine,” my husband consoled.

Let me be first to get it out there. I don’t know how to be a mother, and I envy those who can be great mothers. My sister-in-law pampers and showers her daughter with love, and Lord knows how I wonder why she is spoiling her child like that.

My dad raised me with a lot of control and discipline, and I turned out okay.

Anyway, let’s wait and see if Little Pea survives the first trimester. Then whether I can survive the birth.

This will be an interesting journey, and Lord knows I really need a lot of prayers on how to raise our child, because I know I really need all the help I can get. 🙂

Have a great week ahead!