Love only those who love you

Many a woman’s problems can be solved by following one rule: Love only the man who loves you more.

Women aren’t really born and bred to chase after a man. In these days of independent powerful women who are used to working hard to get what they want at school and at work, it’s quite perplexing when every time we make the first move, the guy seems to run away from our eager hands? Why is it that us, who are way too charming, smart and self-sufficient somehow couldn’t get ourselves a decent guy?

The answer lies on the people we surround ourselves with, and whom we unfortunately pick from.

Whereas the exciting bad boy who somehow manages to forget to call us when he said he would crushes our heart a teeny-tiny bit every time he breaks yet another promise, our heart still beats wildly for him when a few days later, he actually does call. Though we promised ourselves for the upteenth time to give him a cold shoulder, we take back our word when we listen to his sexy voice asking us out and actually agree to go out with that jerk yet again.

Maybe women have this insane need to punish themselves? 🙁

I love him,” they argue. “Isn’t it better that I’m with the guy I love. I’d rather be with the guy I love, than the guy who loves me more.” And a few days later, she is once again moping at my door, sadly complaining once again about the guy who doesn’t make her a priority, doesn’t do what he says and who doesn’t really treat her the way she deserves to be treated.

I personally think that many of these complaints can be solved by dating the guy who loves you even more.

When a guy loves you, he really makes an effort. He cannot bear to see you hurt or agitated so he does all he can to ensure that you are really happy with him. When you walk in the street, he doesn’t rush in front of you despite being in a hurry. Instead, he waits because he prefers to hold your hand while walking. At dinner with friends, he places his hand on your chair, proud that you’re his. And in the evening, he pinches himself to prove that he’s not really dreaming, and that the woman of his dreams is actually lying beside him on the bed. 🙂

Don’t get me wrong. I can empathize every woman’s need to be so thoroughly, deeply and wonderfully in love. I myself have felt that high with my first boyfriend, when I wanted a guy so much to be mine that I forgot what a catch I was as well. That exhilirating rush made you feel as you were in that crazy, sexy party every single day, but the lows that followed were way too much for my fragile heart.

And I did love him — even so that I seriously contemplated to move to Japan to be with him. To do what? Teach English maybe, who freaking cares? But at least, I was with him.

The other two men that followed were poster boys for the perfect man every woman would love to date, and every mom would love their daughters to date. They were witty, well-educated, cultured and someone you can bring to any business dinner or cocktail party and they would do you proud. But they didn’t love me enough, and it showed clearly after our relationship fell apart on the third months, and they weren’t really there to help me pick the pieces up.

Now Trader is different.

I’ve agreed to be his girlfriend three months ago because unbashedly, I knew he would make me happy. That’s what happens when you’re with a guy who loves you way way more than you do. Sure, our beginning started with a slow fire, but a man who treats you extremely well and makes the effort to show how much he cares do have a way of warming a girl’s heart. And you find yourself gradually falling in love with him as well.

Life with Trader can be slightly boring, enough that would make him less desirable to many 20-something year old women who are seeking their first rush, and goodness knows just how irritating his responsibility can be, but he does love me. Enough for him to devote a regular timeslot keeping in close contact with me and flying 4 hours just to see me every three weeks, but it’s enough to make me smile and happy. This weekend, he gave me a lovely love letter with a teddy bear, which made my heart burst a little.

So what am I trying to say really?

Ladies, men aren’t really born to be chased. Instead, they are hunters… let them call the shots no matter how hard it may seem especially for a go-getter than you. If you chase him, he will in all likelihood, just run away.

Instead, go find a guy who truly values you as the gem that you are. As my good friend and regular commenter, JXu had said, “Time doesn’t heal all wounds. Love does.” I truly do agree.

Find someone who loves you a lot. It shows self-respect.

And am sure that you’ll be a lot happier for it!

Have a great week everyone!

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4 thoughts on “Love only those who love you

  1. Haha, true. Hope that you found that special guy out there Jessica! If it’s any consolation, many are just right under your nose waiting to be “discovered.” Most will only show themselves after we stop chasing after unavailable men who don’t really love us as much as they love themselves! 🙂

  2. Amen to that! ^^

    Nice lyrics,

    “They say if you love something
    you’ve got to let it go (Oh—-)
    and if it comes back
    then it means so much more.
    but if it never does
    at least you will know (Oh–)
    that it was something you had to go through to grow”


    I’ve grown, so I know that I’m someone else’s lady 🙂

  3. “When a guy loves you, he really makes an effort. He cannot bear to see you hurt or agitated so he does all he can to ensure that you are really happy with him”…how true! I wish I had known and followed that…then I wouldn’t have made such a horrible mistake in life and repent forever! I wish I hadn’t been so blind and deaf and stupid!

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