To give or not to give?

Despite talking and overanalyzing relationships, I’m still a newbie when it comes to these things. For example, when it comes to gift-giving, where do we draw the line?

It all started when Trader tells me that he accidentally punched a hole (!) on his leather shoes with his umbrella. Don’t ask me how but the pointed part of the umbrella somehow managed to destroy his shoe. However, point of the matter is, he’s been using leather shoes that have a hole in them, and they are in dire need for replacement.

Fortunately, the big Hong Kong Sale is here!

In recent weeks, branded goods had enjoyed a cool 30 to 50 percent off! Hence, figured that this would a terrific opportunity for me to pamper my awesome boyfriend by buying him some nice Ferregamo shoes!


To my chagrin, Trader’s not so cool with the idea. “I don’t need expensive shoes dear. The brand that I wear which only cost me SGD60 is as comfortable and will suffice. Better to save on the money for you to visit Singapore.”

“But why not me buying you the shoes AND visiting you in Singapore? I can do both so why only do one or the other,” I replied, stubbornly wondering why my boyfriend isn’t as happy that his girlfriend is generously offering him some ultra-comfortable leather shoes as a gift.

“Thank you dear, I really appreciate the thought. But seriously, trust me on this. I think the marginal benefits of buying a pair doesn’t justify the premium you pay for the shoes,” he said. “I’m a simple man and quite happy with the pairs I get.”

Sigh, that’s the problem when your boyfriend’s more financially responsible than you are.

Trader fortunately or unfortunately depending on how you see it, saves up for the future and doesn’t spend unless necessarily. Though he pampers and is quite generous with me, he’s quite stingy with himself and doesn’t mind cutting back on his personal expenses on my behalf.

But you’re my boyfriend,” I insisted. “Of course, I want my boyfriend to enjoy the most comfortable of things. I think that paying HKD2,000 or HKD2,500 is reasonably priced for the comfort of wearing Ferregamos.”

Baby, I like the pair that I wear and they’re comfortable enough,” he gently replies. “Just trust me on this — don’t buy me those shoes.”

So far, I’ve gotten mixed reviews from friends. My best guy friend from Shanghai tells me that so long as I don’t do it often, it’s okay to offer a generous gift. “I’m quite picky with shoes so I don’t like girlfriends to buy me expensive stuff because there’s a chance I may not like it.”

My other friend recommends that I listen to my boyfriend. “In the end, is it you who wants to buy it, or him who will enjoy receiving it? Sometimes, we forget who exactly we are buying the gift for and merely focus on what makes us happy.”

In the end, I decide not to get it though a bit bummed. What’s wrong with wanting to pamper your boyfriend? Shouldn’t he be happy that I’d actually want to give him something he needs and would enjoy? These things aren’t expensive just because. They’re expensive because they’re comfortable, of good quality and seem as if you’re walking on air.

Then again, we learn as we go along. These days, I’m learning quite a bit from Trader though am unsure if that’s a good thing or not. I’ve come up with flu recently so he’s been quite concerned with my health for example. Since I’m not a sickly person, am usually at a loss whenever I come down with something so he’s been recommending my dietary options, to sleep early, take care of myself, etc.


I’ve also noticed that am listening more to his counsel. Given that I’m slightly older than him, I am still trying to adjust with the idea that he’s more experienced and mature in other areas than I am and it’s best for me to listen to him. Still, just hope that he doesn’t turn into a nagging boyfriend who tells me what’s best for me all the time.

Then again, maybe this is just me fighting to keep my hard-earned independence. We love each other though so am sure it’ll work out in the end. Nonetheless, if guys can comment on the prospect of their girlfriends giving them gifts, then that would be cool.

Have a great week ahead!

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One thought on “To give or not to give?

  1. seriously,… the cheery bonita is freaking me out… happy you are happy…but definitely not as entertaining… give him shoes…. if he works in finance. which i assume he does… shoes get noticed… unless you are a partner already, then dont bother cause u cant get any higher. but if you are wearing outlet shoes and someone notices that, 1 maybe you arent as professional as you should be, 2 you just dont care about your appearance…. which could ultimately hurt career advancements and such…. my 2 cents

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