“So what are you doing this Friday?” he asked.
“Am still deciding whether or not I’ll be going to this party,” I replied. “We’ll see.”
“Well, if you’re not going to the party,” he continued. “Maybe I can take you out for drinks… and maybe dinner.”
“Oh cool,” I answered. “I’m going to be fed!” (in hindsight, not the smartest thing to say after a guy courageously asks you out on a date).
A guy asking me out on an actual date. And as usual, Bonita here is overthinking it and finding excuses to say no.
Sure, it was easy to go when you’re forced into one, which happened last Friday when a client made it clear that he wouldn’t take no for an answer.
However, when a man nicely asks you, all of a sudden your mind goes in overdrive and you have to stop yourself in thinking negative thoughts such as:
- Uh-oh, there we go again. Another guy who likes me based on how I look. He wants me, part 2.
- But I don’t know this guy quite well, and if it doesn’t work out, then hello awkwardness!
- What if I meet the One at the other party, and I missed my chance because I went out with him?
- It’s on a Friday. The only day I can take a climbing test at the YMCA. Shalt I risk waiting another week?
Nonetheless, I shake my head off and just focus on my work.
To make matters worse, my ex- calls, which is why you should never romance someone you worked with. It causes a lot of complications after the breakup because you cannot really get rid of him.
We chat a bit about what he wants me to do, and what I want him to do in return. All business of course, and yet, you cannot help but feel a twinge of missing him.
Uh-oh. Shit.
And then you worry about backing out because as mentioned before, Friday is climbing night and if I don’t take that test this week, then I’d have to wait one more week before I can even be halfway in the wall again.
Or about that party I may be skipping.
The man has made it clear that he’ll be taking me out so he’ll be paying. Sigh, is this a date because I often mistake dates with just hangouts. I shouldn’t delude myself though as I know he is interested.
“Move on Bonita,” I whisper behind my breath. Ex and I are over and done with, and no good will ever come from salvaging it at this point. I hug myself in silence. God, I miss physical contact!
So now, I want to call Taiwan and ask my best friend whether or not I should go out with this guy. Going out with him signals interest and you know what happens when you dip your ink in the company pot again. It’s quite a miracle that Ex and I escaped unscathed so far.
The thought of dinner and drinks makes me smile though. Isn’t it great to actually have a guilt-free dinner where I can just enjoy myself after a hard day’s work? Besides, what harm is it in getting to know this guy?
Sigh. I am as always indecisive.
So I’ll let you readers decide. What shall I do this Friday evening?
I’d let you decide!
Well, you wrote it yourself: what harm can come from it?
(Unless he’s an sociopathic kidnapper that….errrr bad joke 🙂 )
And no, I’m not advising you to dump friends, climbing and studying for exam. If you have other things to do then you have other things to do.
Still, why skip on an opportunity? It could be fun (unless you know for certain that the party will be better).
Cheers from Croatia as always!
Is it really hard to decide? 🙂 Anyways, I voted for something I think you’d enjoy too but in the end, it’s your instinct that really matters.
I think you’d handle whichever you opted to choose. Enjoy and goodluck!
I don’t really leave comments or read other peoples’ blogs, but recently I have been reading blogs just because it seems like a decent method to gain some knowledge and perspective. Since I read your post already, I thought I might as well comment. As far as making your decision, you shouldn’t let other people make your decisions in life for you. There is too much that we don’t know. As in, how interested are you in the guy? Do you see it going somewhere? If not, then there’s no point to pursue it. I’d recommend putting off ordinary activities like climbing as much as you love it and trying new things, such as going to the party. I skimmed over some of your other posts, and it’s interesting that you seem to hold some feminist viewpoints, which I find slightly offputting haha, but it also seems as though you have read a lot of relationship/pickup material. I see evidence of string theory from neil strauss’s “the game”, some david deangelo concepts, as well as other pick-up artist concepts. And unlike a lot of females, it’s good that you acknowledge that these concepts hold some truth behind it, but I think it’s important not to take these concepts as a given. It is just a guess and I don’t know if that is actually how you know about them, but I see a lot of resemblance between your writing and their views. Personally, I disagree with some of the logic although I have to admit it does work in certain situations with certain people, but are those the people you want a relationship with? I think it’s important to discover your own truths and not follow their concepts as gospel. I’m sorry if you actually came up with all those concepts yourself, then in that case, I just disagree. And for your comment about guys asking you out based off your looks, in reality, that’s how it usually is. What you look for in a significant other is physical attraction as well as mental attraction. Both of these are necessary. If there is no physical attraction, then they are just a friend, and if there is no mental, then you are just using them for sex. A healthy relationship consists of both of these in harmony. And since guys don’t know how your personality is when they first meet you, they first based it off of your looks, which makes sense. Then, they ask you out on dates to see if they get along and if it does, it leads to a relationship. So although it sounds shallow, that is pretty much how the dating process usually works and I wouldn’t judge him too harshly for it.
Anonymous7, thank you for leaving a comment, and quite a delightful one to read indeed. You are right, many of the messages are from some of the sources you’ve mentioned. For example, I have read Neil Strauss, “The Game,” and find it an entertaining read with quite a few good concepts. I know of the DeAngelo concept of “Cocky and Funny” but do not agree with it completely. As for other material, I haven’t really gotten my hands into it so I wouldn’t know.
Sigh, like you and every man, in a way, revealing my thoughts into the Internet is quite offputting. Which is why I try my best to keep my identity a secret and I’ve failed a few times. There’s been quite a few times when someone discovers my blog, and acquaintances in real life turn into avid reader and immediately assume that I’m as bimbotic as I am in my posts.
Let me be honest though, I love to write. It gives me a thrill when I click on past entries and reread what I wrote weeks/months/years ago. I write for myself and it’s great for me to keep a record on what I’ve been through the last few years. It also pleases me when people like JXu and DS stay connected and sometimes leave a message. So it’s pros and cons. Having a blog does nothing to my love life, but at the least, am doing it for me so don’t take it as an end-all/be-all of me. Am much nicer (hopefully) in person.
With regards to the guy, you’re right. The issue for me I guess is that I have no trouble attracting men given looks. However, that’s all many can see. It would be great if we can go beyond the physical and move on to the mental/emotional connection. Anyway, I do agree with you and am going out with Mystery guy this week. Wish me (and him) luck!
Lene and DS, absolutely—why choose one if you can have both? In the end, partied with my friends last week and just rescheduled the date this week. Thanks for leaving your thoughts!