My friend tells me that I have a strong personality. From his voice, it seemed to me that having a stronger character is like a disease.
I asked him if my condition was hopeless. “It’s not my fault la,” I moaned. “And besides, I can be extremely sweet and docile.” And I proceeded to bow down and kiss his feet, rubbing my hair in his dusty soles.
“Wala ka nang pagasa (You are hopeless), Bonita,” he said shrugging me away. “Di ka na magbabago (You shouldn’t be able to change).”
Since when are women supposed to be ashamed of their own strength? I for one do not think of myself as a particularly extremely aggressive and ambitious woman. There are more in my industry even more ferocious than I am. Such is the benefit of working in the finance industry.
I do know I am not supposed to be ashamed of my financial independence. How hard I work rewards me through the days when I do not work. There is nothing wrong about being able to afford a plane ticket without being dependent on anybody else’s salary and it’s quite liberating to actually plunk down HKD2,500 on an expense others find useless, but you find to be quite fulfilling.
But it seems that it’s getting in the way of my non-existent lovelife (sigh, so we’re back in the dating ballgame. Aiyo). “Asian men don’t like strong women, Bonita,” another friend butted in. “The problem is, no matter how sweet you insist you are, your packaging is… well, you’re like a tiger.”
“But I’m such a pussy!” I insisted to no avail. Oh, and for some reason, I am starting to look mature, sophisticated… which I would think means that my age is finally creeping up to me and I have some wrinkles I never thought I have.
What’s the use of trying to change yourself? If Marilyn Manson can find a hot chick then so can I find myself a hot man! And who cares if I don’t find him yet? As if I have more time to spend on my love life!
Ahem, my non-existent one.
Okay, it’s late. I turn into a pumpkin soon, and am dead tired. Hope all is well. Just want to just say that I’m lonely, single and yet alive.