My friend tells me that I have a strong personality. From his voice, it seemed to me that having a stronger character is like a disease.
I asked him if my condition was hopeless. “It’s not my fault la,” I moaned. “And besides, I can be extremely sweet and docile.” And I proceeded to bow down and kiss his feet, rubbing my hair in his dusty soles.
“Wala ka nang pagasa (You are hopeless), Bonita,” he said shrugging me away. “Di ka na magbabago (You shouldn’t be able to change).”
Since when are women supposed to be ashamed of their own strength? I for one do not think of myself as a particularly extremely aggressive and ambitious woman. There are more in my industry even more ferocious than I am. Such is the benefit of working in the finance industry.
I do know I am not supposed to be ashamed of my financial independence. How hard I work rewards me through the days when I do not work. There is nothing wrong about being able to afford a plane ticket without being dependent on anybody else’s salary and it’s quite liberating to actually plunk down HKD2,500 on an expense others find useless, but you find to be quite fulfilling.
But it seems that it’s getting in the way of my non-existent lovelife (sigh, so we’re back in the dating ballgame. Aiyo). “Asian men don’t like strong women, Bonita,” another friend butted in. “The problem is, no matter how sweet you insist you are, your packaging is… well, you’re like a tiger.”
“But I’m such a pussy!” I insisted to no avail. Oh, and for some reason, I am starting to look mature, sophisticated… which I would think means that my age is finally creeping up to me and I have some wrinkles I never thought I have.
What’s the use of trying to change yourself? If Marilyn Manson can find a hot chick then so can I find myself a hot man! And who cares if I don’t find him yet? As if I have more time to spend on my love life!
Ahem, my non-existent one.
Okay, it’s late. I turn into a pumpkin soon, and am dead tired. Hope all is well. Just want to just say that I’m lonely, single and yet alive.
2 thoughts on “Shame to be strong?”
“Oprah wrote this about men…
1. If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
2. If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.
3. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
4. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
5. Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that’s not meant to be.
6. Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
7. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can’t “be friends”.
8. A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend. Don’t settle.
9. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
10. Don’t stay because you think “it will get better”.
11. You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
12. The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
13. Avoid men who’ve got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.
14. He didn’t marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
15. Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
16. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.
17. If something bothers you, speak up.
18. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
19. You cannot change a man’s behavior. Change comes from within.
20. Don’t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are…even if he has more education or in a better job.
21. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
22. Never let a man define who you are.
23. Never borrow someone else’s man.
24. If he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you.
25. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
26. All men are NOT dogs.
27. You should not be the one doing all the bending…compromise is a two way street.
28. You need time to heal between relationships. There is nothing cute about baggage… Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
29. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you… a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals… look for someone complimentary. ..not supplementary.
30. Dating is fun…even if he doesn’t turn out to be Mr. Right.
31. Make him miss you sometimes… when a man always know where you are, and you’re always readily available to him – he takes it for granted.
32. Never move into his mother’s house.
33. Never co-sign for a man.
34. Don’t fully commit to a man who doesn’t give you everything that you need.
35. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
Share this with other women and men (just so they know)…
You’ll make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare.”
Hope all is well ^-^ ~
Thank you Jxu. Sometimes, we forget ourselves because we love someone too much. Thanks for the reminder that we have to love ourselves first before he can respect us enough to actually feel the same way in return.