Love makes life complicated.

I liked it when I was still single. I just didn’t give a f*ck about anybody else and went on my merry way. Obviously, I savored “me” time and even ate and watched movies in the cinema alone. I was happy.

And then he came and swept me off my feet. What started was a few weeks of rigorous texting and flirting and then BAM, he’s had me. And now, am slightly off my center. Admittedly, he makes me smile, and makes my heart drop at random. If he calls, I can’t help but cheer up. And this relationship is way over my head. It makes me vulnerable and I miss the tough me.

Sometimes, I wonder if what I like is merely a shadow of who he truly is. Am I grasping at last impressions or memories? That’s what difficult about long distance relationships — you sometimes fight to keep him in your mind. In time, you forget in a way what it was like to kiss him or to have him in your arms.

There are days when it’s easy to say, “Screw it and screw him. This is too tough. I give up.” These are days when you realize that long distance relationships can be blessings, otherwise, you would’ve broken up a dozen times already.

But after awhile, it’s all right again.

BEEP BEEP!

“Not that am ignoring you hon,” he sends his explanations, “but have been up my neck in work.” You understand what he’s going through. It’s a tough few weeks for everyone out there and you thank him for keeping you in the loop.

To keep sane, you take your eyes off the relationship and focus on your life as you’ve always done. And I’ve been doing quite a bit of living these days.

Last Friday, an old friend of mine is leaving Taiwan for good and we celebrate our farewells at this old karaoke bar. You hang out with an old friend who obviously has a crush on you, but you demure. Why is it that guys want girls they can’t get?

For Saturday, hung out with some nice friends and cute Poker guy. It’s funny, when you have a boyfriend, everyone asks about the long-distance boyfriend.

“So Bonita,” my friend innocently asks for the nth time that week. “Tell us about your boyfriend. What’s happening with you lately?”

These are the moments when you wish you were still single. Why is it when you enter in a relationship, people assume that that’s all you think about? Why can’t they ask me about my interesting week instead? What’s more, how can you ask about the Boyfriend when cute guy is in the table?!

Okay, that was foul.

So I have a little crush on cute Poker guy. I admit it. Boyfriend knows about it I think. “Does he like you?” he asked me mid last week.

I laugh. I know Poker guy isn’t interested in that way. It’s too complicated. But the answer is no. He is intriguing though — I can’t figure him out. In my defense, he can’t figure me out as well, which pleases me. We find each other cool though and that’s enough.

I guess, a bit of competition is good for the relationship. Don’t take me seriously. I can appreciate, right?

Anyway, gotta sleep. Just rambling and leaving some silly notes. Hope that next time, I’d make more sense. You may think am smoking pot or something.

Have a great week everyone!