Bored of the other?

“Go to rest now,”  I said as we said our goodbyes today. “We’ll just talk tomorrow.”

He had the beginnings of a bad flu and after staying up till the wee hours of the morning talking yesterday, I felt that both he and I needed some sort of break.

Whereas other couples would spend hours wasting time chatting on the phone, emailing or seeing each other on their first month, here I was telling him that we’ll just chat the next day. 17 minutes was how long we talked today, impressive compared to our almost 4-hour conversation yesterday.

I’ve started to worry that you’ll never be the person who ever ends the conversation,” he teased. “Dangerous especially since I have to get up early in the morning.”

It’s true — most people would try to spend as much time with the other especially during that first month of discovery. You can’t help but keep talking to that person despite your fatigue.

Ah, that first month.

Aren’t the first months grand? It’s a time of clean slates, a time of fresh discoveries of the other, and a time wher you are still unsure on how you feel about him/her.

The intensity scares me. “I like you,” he said it pretty clearly. “If you think that’s too strong, well that’s just too bad but that’s how I feel.”

Why is it that guys are so ardorous during the first few weeks of meeting someone?

He has made it clear that he wasn’t simply looking for a good time especially since we were a geographically incompatible anyway.

However, it surprises me how some guys can spend so much time getting to know a woman from the beginning, only to do an about-face in the middle, leaving the girl out in the cold rain. Coincidentally, I met an acquaintance of mine this evening as I was walking back from watching Hellboy 2, and she had a similar experience.

The guy was totally chasing after her during that first month.

They’d talk via MSN almost every day, and he’d continue to call her and they’ll talk till around midnight where they’re forced to say goodbye (she’s a morning person and dozes off after 12:30 am).

After a month of regular contacts and daily phone calls, they were already comfortable with each other that they’ve kissed and held hands (though she insists that nothing else happened).

One day after they’ve been seeing each other for over a month, she gathered up the courage and told him that she liked him. To her dismay, he told her that she shouldn’t “wait for him.” 🙁

Aiyo… talk about breaking someone’s heart la! DIdn’t see that coming did you?

Now she’s starting to ignore him, and he’s calling her to hang out again. This was after she spent over 2 months trying to get over him! Seems that the guy is merely addicted to the chase, you think?

Anyway, this scares me — when a guy is so enthusiastic during the first few days/weeks/months. “I cannot tire talking to you,” he’d say.

I’d raise my eyebrows and think, “Oh really? But that’s because it’s only been a few days… how can you tire of anyone in a few days?”

Or how about when he tells me that am one of the only women who can interest him this long. “I get bored easily,” he says. Oh, so what? Shall I start juggling for your entertainment? 🙁

To be honest, I don’t think I’m a little monkey who lives for someone elses’ entertainment. I don’t know if I can ever sustain anyone’s interest for long. “You read me so easily,” I accused him. “It sucks when I have to fight to keep the mystery!”

“Some people have to keep the mystery,” he reassures me. “But you, you’re quite an open book. Don’t bother with the mystery. Some people need packaging… you don’t.”

Why am I not reassured then?

For some reason, I refuse to believe that I live such a colorful life that anyone would be heighteningly interested for a long period of time. My life is stable and safe. Whereas others’ would consist of wild parties and orgies, mine usually consists of days at hard work, and relaxing evenings watching a film, grabbing some dinner or doing some wall climbing.

Sigh, I guess at this point, the best thing is just to be myself.

In the end, our goal is not to impress the other. One would be fighting a losing battle if we revolve our thoughts, conversations and actions in trying to make the other like you.

Instead, the purpose of dating is to discover whether this person is actually compatible for you in the long run. You’re here to find out if this person would stick by you through thick or thin, or will he just disappear as soon as things get serious? Basically, though it’s nice if you can please the other and make him like you, the best thing is to actually please yourself.

Ask yourself, do I really like this person? What do I really think about this guy? Now’s the time to get rid of the insecurities that bubble into your head such as Does he like me? Am I good enough for him?

Get rid of the negatives and focus on really, what you want and what you don’t want.

And if he’s there calling you tomorrow, then that’s just wonderful.

Otherwise, you’re not really that compatible in the first place. It wasn’t because he found you boring (he would’ve found out sooner or later anyway), or because his mom didn’t give her approval.

Instead, it didn’t work out because there was something wrong in the relationship by itself.

Trust the process — my boss used to tell me this.

I should. We all should.

Oh my gosh, do you know I started this post with a bout of some insecurities, but now I know what’s really important — to find out whether we can grow this relationship organically. And the only way to find out is to simply be oneself.

If he likes it, great.

If not, next.

I feel better now. Hope you are also feeling some sort of relief from all this blabber.

Okay, gotta shower. Night night!

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4 thoughts on “Bored of the other?

  1. Glad that you saw Hellboy 2, I really thought it was a movie with a great vision even if it was an eccentric one. Which reminds me, if anyone starts bothering you, now you can quote the famous “ectoplasmic Schwanzstucke” line!

    I’ve often found cases (of myself and others as well) of too much chat killing the attraction, so if that reassures you, I think not chatting for long is a very positive thing. Whether with a friend or a date or even a partner, too much indulging often leads to a sense of tiredness… and to be tired of your friend or date is a terrible thing. Both should always have a desire to hear from each other again.
    (now that I think of it, I shouldn’t have used the word ‘indulgence’. It makes the whole attraction thing sound like a drug…. actually, it is a drug, but I digress)

    Oh by the way, you mention that bit about the ‘stable life’… we are reading your blog, aren’t we? Don’t underestimate yourself – good night! 🙂

  2. Hey, glad you left a comment. It’s a bit reassuring that unlike most people, you agree that chatting for a long long time may not be as beneficial to the start of a relationship. Admittedly, it does get physically tiring. And as they say, good things come to those who wait!

    Hahaha, thanks for the compliment btw. We’ll see. How much more mystery can we hide la? Hope your life is doing well DS!

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