Honestly, I think my pride will be my downfall. According to the Merriam Webster Dictionary, pride is:

1 : the quality or state of being proud: as a : inordinate self-esteem : conceit b : a reasonable or justifiable self-respect c : delight or elation arising from some act, possession, or relationship pride

2 : proud or disdainful behavior or treatment : disdain

In short, pride is when you can say, “This is who I am. Take it or leave it.”

Most girls are taught to just give way and do all they can to salvage a relationship, but your dear Raven’s so stubborn I think she’s in the danger of losing friends who used to count.

Truth be told, if am in the wrong, I’d do my darnest to extend my apologies and show you how sorry I really am.

But if you do me wrong, then don’t wait for me to make amends because I won’t.

No matter how important you are, or used to be, to me… sometimes, you have to know when you’ve carried it too far.

And no, I will not be the first to make a move if your behavior shows how badly it has trampled my feelings as if they don’t really matter.

So who am I talking about?

None other than MC, and what he did….? Well,he pissed me off.

It’s almost been a month since I last spoke to my good guy friend MC, one of the longest we’ve been without contact ever since we knew each other.

The story?

It began simply — I shared with him that I was unhappy with his ex-girlfriend (who is one of my best friends in Taiwan) because she didn’t attend my birthday celebration due to a cold.

Special occasions, birthdays included for me are very important.

So FOR ME, even though I’m sick, I’d still show up for a few minutes because I know how important birthdays are to my friends. Same goes for friends’ performances and weddings.

MC however didn’t agree. “You’re very selfish — for you, birthdays are important. But don’t you think that a “good” friend would actually understand and forgive her friend for not attending if her friend is sick?”

Well, I know that his ex-girlfriend values her health very much and would rather be in bed — Hence, she herself would understand if I excused myself from her birthday if I was sick. So using her standard, she also assumed that I would understand that she can’t attend because she’s sick.

Anyway, that’s not the point, because ultimately, the way I look at this is, his ex-girlfriend and I share various viewpoints — whereas SHE thinks health is more important and it’s okay to be excused from the celebrations if sick, for ME, so long as I’m not in my deathbed, I’d still show up because I value birthdays as an important occasion and I must show.

So it’s just the case of different people, different values.

And because birthdays and special events are very important to me, of course, I didn’t feel good that she didn’t show.

“Well, if you’re mad at MS (his ex), you should let her know,” MC opines. “That way, you can communicate and your friendship will develop.”

Sure, communication is important but heck, it’s been weeks since that incident and it’s now history. Personally, telling her would mean revisiting the conflict again and that makes me uncomfortable so I’d just rather let it go.

“No thanks,” I said. “It’s the past and my birthday only comes once a year so it’s really not a big deal whether she knows it or not at this point.”

“Well, the fact that you are mentioning this to me,” MC said, “Shows just how much it is a big deal to you. You should just discuss this with her and tell her how you feel.”

“No really,” I replied. “It’s okay. Past is past so please don’t even mention this to her.”

“Why not?” he asked.

“Because it’s none of your business?” I answered. “Besides, it doesn’t make me comfortable to talk to her about this. Maybe I’ll let her know if it bothers me, but this time, I’d rather let sleeping dogs die.”

“So please don’t tell her, okay?” I implored again.

“Well, what if I want to?” he rebelliously questioned.

“That would make me angry,” I said. “So please don’t.”

So sorry but that *********** told his ex after they met up one night. Of course he couldn’t keep his mouth shut. And I knew it immediately when she called me up twice to ask me out for dinner.

“You meddled, didn’t you?” I asked him in the text.

“It’s what I do,” he replied.

WTF? *#()@*#@(*$)(#*$!!

So sorry guys but THAT really pissed me off.

After thinking about how I feel about this situation, I sent him the following text the next day:

“Know you wanted to help. Just want you to know that I don’t appreciate you butting in my business ESPECIALLY since I told you not to. I am very angry and disappointed. Hope you’re happy now.”

Followed by almost a month of silence — no apologies from him of course, don’t even think he thinks it’s his own fault — and counting.

My ex tells me that I should just grit it and just let it go. He said, “Don’t let this incident make you lose a friendship. MC has been there for you through thick and thin, and you’re just going to give it up just like that?”

His ex echoes my ex’s sentiment: “The problem is that you’re both just too stubborn. That’s why you guys end up fighting just like old couples. Just give way Raven and contact him. In the end, after you make the first move, both of you get to kiss and make up anyway, and you’ll get the apologies you’re looking for.”

I must be born a man — a lotta girls often bend their backs over for their friends or significant others just to keep the relationship.

Sacrifice seems to be a key word for most women.

What can I say?

Girls are just more apt than men to give way…

I would too except this time, I don’t think I’m in the wrong. So why the heck should I make the first move?!

First, he butted in somebody elses’ business. Now that is forgivable if he didn’t know that I didn’t want him to meddle. But the thing was, I made it very clear to him that I didn’t want him to, and yet he still did it.

He dared to do it.

My feelings? Honestly, do you really want to know?

That felt like a sharp slap in my face.

It meant a gross disrespect for MY feelings — that despite my telling him that it would make me uncomfortable for him to share what I told him to his ex, he still dared to tell her.

And what’s the use of communication if he can’t even listen to what I’ve been saying?

I mean, does my opinion even count? And what’s worse, is this thing his to deal with? Not even!

It’s like telling a friend, I hate it when you do XYZ, and despite knowing that you hate it, they purposely do it and throw it at your face.

So lower down my pride and make that first move?

I’m sorry, I can’t.

Not for this incident, sorry.

Not since you have stepped on my feelings and seem very unapologetic about it.

Maybe this is why I’m still single — despite being nature-loving and that smiling, outgoing and independent, underneath lays a plate of steel.

Unlike most women, I just don’t back down, MOST ESPECIALLY if I believe I’m not in the wrong.

So here is the story, judge for yourself if you please.

Tell me if you think that I shouldn’t just throw away over three years of friendship just for a single incident because it’s not really a big deal.

Yes, I know it’s not a big deal, but it’s the thought that counts.

If he can do something like this and feel no concern to how I feel, how would this transcend to all other areas of our friendship?

So please, feel free to let me know what you think about this situation. Tell me if you think that am being very stubborn and I should just freaking give way. Tell me if you think MC should be forgiven. Ah, whatever, just tell me what you think.

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Some side notes:

* Saw Aussie guy on the street today, just right at his yoga gym. He didn’t see me and I didn’t say hi. Given that this is the second time I’ve accidentally seen him this week, I didn’t approach him because he prolly thinks am stalking him. Why so much a coincidence though?

* I dreamt about my high school crush a few days ago. It’s been awhile. Call it star-crossed lovers so to speak but had a crush on him for 4 whole years. Believe it or not, within this 4 years, only saw him around 5 times.

Now that’s love.

Wonder how he’s doing now?

* Listening to: “Fergelicious,” by Fergie; “My Love” by Justin Timberlake, “Blurry,” by Puddle of Mudd and “Gomenasai” by T.A.T.U. Feel free to suggest new songs to download — I love loud danceable songs so bring it on!