I wrote my mom an email yesterday, telling her what’s bothering me these days. Don’t really want to post my email to her (hope you can just get the gist of it from her reply), but I’d be happy to share her email from her to me.
Sniff, my mom is so sweet. Despite me being in the bad, she manages to smooth my temper and calm me down. She first does so by saying that she understands my dilemma and the feelings I have are normal so I shouldn’t feel bad about it:
Your mixed feeling is understandable and normal. If you did not feel that way, then you simply do not love the (organization name) that you have given a lot of your time, sweat and tears.
It is the same experience when dad felt when he gave up his dealing with the (famous Fil-Chi organization name) last year. Imagine how difficult it is to be out of the glorious bright circle when you see your pictures almost everyday in the four leading Chinese newspapers; out of the circle of friends (even if they are your enemies) in which you have dinner with almost every night; out of the meetings wherein they can not proceed without your presence; out of people giving you all the compliments and congratulations most ofthe time you meet with them…. mom can name a lot of the things that dad surely missed WHEN HE GET OUT OF THE ACTIVITY CIRCLE. Yes, he did and I’m sure that he really have a very difficult time at the very beginning when he finally decided to get out in spite of them trying to convince him to stay several times.
Even if he is already out of the circle, but friends who are in there, whom he had helped still call him to tell him the happenings and seek his advise. From a third person’s point of view, dad is in a better position now than before when he was in the circle, dad can see the picture clearer and give wiser advise.
Yes, by being inside the center of the action, you’re in the middle of the excitement. You’re in the loop and know the comings and going of many organizations. Over the past year I’ve been in this organization, I’ve gotten to know more people than I can remember, visited more establishments/bars/tourist spots than I can count and was just updating with the Taipei social scene.
It’s a great feeling, and I’m sure to miss it when I get out of this organization I’m in… 🙁
But good things come to an end so mom gives me advice on how to handle the transition better:
1) Start scouting for someone whom you think can carry on your job as the President of (the (organization name). Start making him or her always beside you in allocation of projects from now till July. Start campaigning also for him or her to be the next president.
2) You should have an election for the next batch of officers. I don’t know how you’re gonna to do it with 1,800 members, but it CANNOT BE just a nomination. Maybe you should set criteria that the candidate should at least been active for the past six months or have organized and head at least x projects in the past years.
3) Stay in the (organization name) as the advisor and make it a rule that each President who has completed his term will automatically become members ofthe advisory board.
4) You should sit back and relax. The (organization name) should not be the center of your activities. You still have your friends in Shida, you still have the friends whom you have picked among the members. As dad always said and advised to friends, “Älong the way of life, we choose our friends,keep them; pick the good ones and drop the bad ones.”
*good advice, dad! It’s hard but doing that!*
5) The (organization name) is a big organization, you said about 1,800 members? It is naturalthat there are millions of characters in it and each has their own ulterior motives of joining the organization. YOU SHOULD NEVER TAKE THEM SERIOUSLY because they just come and go. YOU SHOULD NEVER FEEL BAD KNOWING THAT THEY DO NOT QUITE COOPERATE for the success of the (organization name) because there are all these people who just want to take advantage of others. You only FEEL BAD or HURT if your good friends or your trusted co-workers betrayed you.
*sigh, yes, you’re so right mom.*
6) Emotionally, just like how you discuss with mom through emails, you can discuss it with friends to save time and express how you feel without any hypocrites or cover up. Even with Mark, you can share with him your feelings about his complains to you about your attitude and your feeling on the actions of most of the people whom you feel not happy with in the organization. Believe mom, it is a true friend like Mark to give you his honest complaint about your lot of unhappiness with the kind of people now in the organization.
It takes a lot of courage for a real friend to tell you things that you do not want or are not happy to hear and give you their honest opinion. You should know naman Raven, with your temper(just like your dad), it will make people turn away from you, they would rather just keep their mouth shot rather than say something that wouldoffen my little angel Raven.
Raven, calm down. The way I heard your voice last night, you felt very offended. You are NOT AT ALL MY HAPPY LITTLE ANGEL. Your voice is full of frustration and unhappiness. You sound like the whole world is against you and that everything just simple do not go smoothly as YOU WANTED IT.
Mom would want you to listen more to what people have to say or what advise people giving you. Encourage people to give their opinion even if you know that they might NOT BE as good as you are. Always remember that there is always something good in every individual, EVEN how stupid they might be.
Take a deep breath. You are just simply not in a good mood. Yes, there are these people who join the organization for their own ulterior motive,there are these people who do not honor their commitment, there are those people who simply do not want to move. But these people already existed on day 1 when you first started. Maybe before you did not recognize them, maybe before you tolerate them, maybe before you are still in a happy mood, maybe before you are still very enthusiastic on anything about the organization, maybe it is only now that you started to feel all these unpleasant things that is going on
ANYWAY, RAVEN. what you have to do is to take a deep breath, take a walk with someone whom you can share mom’s email with, listen to his comments and suggestion. DEFINITELY you got to get out of being the president come July when your term ends. DO NOT FEEL THAT YOU SHOULD BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE GREAT ACHIEVEMENT OF THE ORGANICATION after you step down. GIVE THE NEXT BATCH OF PEOPLE TO CONTINUE and you sit back being the king maker and the adviser of the group. Let them work and you relax and join ALL THE ACTIVITIES as you always do, but not anymore as the prime mover but the one to receive all the relaxation and the fruit of your next batch of officers.
Enjoy yourself Raven, do not be bothered and do not fear your feelings now. It is but natural becaue July is very near and you are worrying about what would happen after July. It is the same feeling as dad felt when he decided to get out of (Fil-Chi organization). IT IS BUT NATURAL.
DO NOT TALK ABOUT GETTING OUT OF THE ORGANIZATION because come July, you SHOULD step down as the President and the prime mover and let the next batch of people take their tern. EITHER they can continue to make the organization as good as you did is no longer your concern. YOUR ACHIEVEMENT in making the organization active again and making it suceessful is already a legend.
LET IT BE — be the girl who has contributed somehow to the success of the organization.I think in this manner, you will get more chances to meet more friendswhen you do not have anymore to be the one doing everything for other people. Now, you will be the receipient rather than the giver.
Sigh, mom knows me and my temper so well… 🙂
I (heart) my mom!
Last night, I spent it climbing with good friends. It was the Y17’s owner’s wife’s birthday so we were also given a rare treat of a small cup of chardonnay and vodka, as well as some xi mi lu care of my friend, A-Chin. 🙂
It was a great day for climbing… I was in top shape and though I did get a minor bruise (groan!) on my right/left knee, and managed to climb all the walls I wanted to do, including a difficult route I’ve never tried before! Yup, Raven’s in top form!
In addition, I finished all 50 levels of this wonderfully-addictive game:
The trick is to serve people as fast as you can, difficult when you’re serving business women, students, ordinary people, old men and hot shots with varied eating speeds. To complicate things further, you also have to serve them snacks quickly otherwise they’ll get really mad!
Anyway, it’s done so I can place this unhealthy addiction aside and finish reading Siddharta.
Btw, posted new pics regarding last weekend so do check them out! 🙂
As for tonight, we’re holding a champagne tasting somewhere near Linsen N. Road, already 60 people have confirmed their attendance.
So looking forward to that!
French cutie would also be there and we’ve talked about taking advantage of the buy-one-get-one-free wine bottle and sharing some bubbly! 🙂
Let’s pop out some bottle and have a great Thursday!
C’est la vie!