So this is what moving on feels like… or is it?
Last night, except for the passing thought that I didn’t attend the Oriented Happy Hour and my ex would probably be wondering why, the thought of my ex didn’t really pop into my head…
And since I’ve thought about him every single day ever since we broke up almost half a year ago, I find this to be a bit weird, and surprising.
Instead of thinking about him, I was able to emotionally distance myself.
Or rather, okay, let’s be honest here, what happened was I was thinking more about Aussie guy emailing me saying that he had missed me, and I didn’t reply to the email because I frankly didn’t know what to say/react. He may have sensed that hesitancy and later sent me another email, asking a silly question completely changing the topic and was ultra-cold afterwards with his replies.
So there I was thinking on whether or not I should send him a text message asking if I’ve offended him in any way by my stand-offishness, and just that I had a mini crisis at work (handling 6 products now, as well as 3 people retiring from my organization) so I didn’t really have the time to deal with that.
Karen told me to just go with the flow.
“You think too much,” she exclaimed. “Just see how it goes. If he’s really interested, he won’t give up that easily.”
Fellow blog reader turned friend, Lance, talked to me about this last night. When I told him about the email, he laughed, “I wouldn’t have thought that that was something that you would encounter too often… being speechless that is. 🙂“
Haha, okay people who know me know that I talk A LOT. It’s really difficult to shut me up, so he’s right… it’s difficult to render me speechless.
Then he replied, “Don’t be concerned about it. You’ll be all right. If someone likes you, stop short of you telling them to f*ck off, (they’ll still pursue you). Thing is, if someone likes you, it’ll take more than something like that to stop them. And if he’s really keen, nothing will stop him.”
“Sure he’ll have doubts after that,” Lance continued. “But hey! Doubt is good! It’s part of the chase, right? For a guy, if you know you can ‘get’ a girl, you don’t think about it, right?”
“This way, he’s actively thinking about YOU!” Lance concluded.
“But how about him thinking instead, ‘Forget it… this girl is too much trouble. There are too many women out there. I’ll just find someone else,” I asked.
“Could be. But that’s part of the whole relationship thing. Guys always have that thoguht in their mind. It’s part of gaining the certainty that that person is for you,” Lance explained. “Because I put in the effort, she must be the One… She must be the One because I put in the effort.”
“It’s beautifully circular,” he said wistfully.
I guess it all boils down to this fact: GUYS LOVE THE CHASE!
They want the challenge, and to overcome that challenge!
Men want to be challenged by the idea of meeting, attracting, and pursuing a woman. And then they want to win the woman over and feel stronger as a man for having done it.
Hence, no matter what they say, men want someone they can pursue!
Sure, they’ll say they don’t… they don’t want to play games and they want everything to be open and natural. But heck, once they find a woman who’s being open and natural, they lose that challenge and wake up one day finding out that the attraction is gone.
They’ve lost interest.
Trust me, my story with Ex#1 ended that way…
A woman named Sarah Paul mentioned this, “What men really want is a woman who stimulates their romantic and sexual imagination. This type of woman knows how to assert herself; is not a pushover and still knows how to make a man laugh and treats him with respect. Most importantly, she has an element of mystery about her, and that is why men want to pursue her. She has high self-esteem and is not afraid of the risk involved in flirting. She is hard to get without being unattainable.”
Problem is, for a lot of women, it’s difficult to play hard to get when you finally like someone. You like to be with that someone and be close to him… all the thought of even being a bit hard to get goes out the window.
And of course, this goes both ways… act too much like a wuss and don’t give a woman breathing space, and our interest goes out the window.
For example, last night, I was also talking to my friend, Mike.
He’s now pining after this Latina women. He’s Latino-Chinese btw.
It started hot and heavy, but then after he told her that he likes her and started feeling attracted to her, she totally freaked and runs away from him. But because they have the same circle of friends, it’s difficult for him to not see her. Heck, I don’t even think he doesn’t want to see her.
Coming from a similar background, I totally understand and I felt this reaction was natural.
Now and then, he would be hurt by her brush-offs and would proceed to ignore her.
Fast forward a couple of days, and heck… SHE CALLS HIM! Texts him saying, “Hey, what’s up?”
That darn woman still wanted to see if she had him at the palm of her hand… and when he ain’t calling, she’s afraid that he’s already lost interest and wants to check to see if it’s still there.
Of course, being very much in love, my friend Mike becomes weak and starts acting lovey-dovey to her, giving her the assurance that he’s still his.
Then the cycle runs again: She ignores him again and brushes off his advances!
Say whatever you want, but fact is, people want what they can’t have! It’s really difficult to appreciate what you have at the palm of your hand.
Anyway, just to make it clear… I’m not playing games here. I truly am very busy this week, and it’s a habit for me to fill up my week a week ahead of time so it’s inevitable that I’m busy. Hence, if you don’t make specific plans, there’s a possibility that you may not be able to see me, mainly because I’ve already made arrangements with someone else.
I’m not the type to stay home and be waiting around for your call.
I’m getting carried away, so back to story.
Lance then observed, “You’re a bit concerned. Seems you like him quite a bit.”
“Yes, I’ve thought about him these days,” I admitted. “It’s kinda weird. I think it’s because of doubt as well — When I’m sure I have him, I am relaxed. Otherwise, I actively think as u’ve said.”
“Guys get anxious but girls have a little bit more tendency to be anxious,” commented Lance. “I guess it’s just like everything, if you care about something or someone…”
Regardless Lance made a good point.
He said that most people look at the other person to assuage their doubt. It’s as if their confidence is dependent upon that other person’s confidence and interest. Instead, confidence has to emanate from the inside, and not from the partner.
But then again, feelings DOES make us do crazy things…
I guess, the best way is to just go with the flow.
If he likes you, cool. If not, cool too.
And don’t worry about it… if he likes me enough, he’ll call and make sure I’m not out of mind.
We shall see.
Heck, from what happened yesterday, am quite positive that he’ll ignore me in a bit, but we shall see!
Have a great weekend everyone! 😀