There’s nothing wrong with single blessedness:
”When I want to be alone, I can luxuriate in solitude. When I want to be among people, I call a friend. Because I’m single, I push myself not to live a stagnant lifestyle but to get out and have experiences that continue to shape who I am. But there are times when I feel panicky and lost, moments when I wish I knew exactly who I’ll be with when the clock strikes midnight this December 31. I do want love in my life, but the truth is I look around at couples I know and don’t see any I’d care to be a part of. I witness so much accommodation and sacrifice, and it mostly seems to be on the part of the wives. I do want to settle down eventually, but not if it means settling. You can be much lonelier as part of the wrong couple than on your own.”
But, there’s nothing wrong with couplehood either:
”When I’m sick, I have someone to spoon-feed me chicken soup. When something exciting happens, I have someone to celebrate with. I look at Ted sometimes and think, ‘Who is this stranger?’ It’s so much work staying close to one another. It doesn’t always seem worth the struggle, but I know that what I need on a bone-deep level is to feel anchored, to be integral to another human being’s existence.”
I’ve experienced both. And both were good.
When I was single, every day was an event. I don’t usually date around, that wasn’t me. But everyday, I’d find a way to keep myself busy, usually meeting up with friends or doing something interesting. On Fridays and Saturdays, I’d gather a bunch of people and go clubbing. Sometimes, I’d bump into guys that catch my eye (see Mike-Tom Cruise and Mike-Vibe stories), but most of the time, it was just me keeping myself busy. For stories and comfort, I’d kept close touch with my friends, meeting them for brunch, lunch or dinner… or even a cup of coffee. And for other activities, I have my organization to keep myself busy.
Sure, there were times where I’ve wished there was someone by my side. It can get lonely you know…
But life was good, and I was still happy.
Then, there was a slight change in my status — I experienced life with someone by my side. Looking at him, hearing his voice, and feeling his presence, it’s unbelievable on how one person is able to become an important part of your life in such a very short period of time. I think the best word to describe life with another is enrichment — life still goes on, but it’s richer because you have someone to share it with.
When he was here in Taiwan, him opening the door and greeting me a bright “Hi!!!” brought a big smile on my face. When he was in the States for vacation, a text or call from him brightened up my day, and let me miss him less because I know he’s there.
I wouldn’t say that he’s my best friend, because I think these take time. But yes, he may very well be. I tell him almost every thought, feel and happening in my day, and vice-versa. I’m sure my guy-friend Mike may be rolling his eyes right now and feeling sorry for him for being the receiving end of my neuroticness, but yes, I appreciate him because he’s willing to listen. And I know that when I need him, he will extend his help whenever he can. And vice-versa.
Having been the other half in a couple, I felt anchored to be beside someone and felt important in someone else’s life. When he would tell me his day-to-day happenings, when he would share with me his opinions on a certain event, when he would show me pictures of his friends and family in the States, when he had introduced me as his girlfriend… it was a great feeling to become a part of his life as he was in mine. I was happy and satisfied in where I was.
I would say I can relate to both. Both single and couplehood are good, but it’s funny that the grass is always greener on the other side. Single people want to be hooked up, and sometimes, attached people dream of the life of a single woman/man in the city.
But you know what? Both are good in their own right. So right now, the best thing to do is cherish wherever stage you’re in, and just trust the process.
I know I am. 🙂
So c’est la vie, you guys. Live life!