My Husband Speaks — “Hello World!”

“I have something to tell you but don’t get mad,” my ex-girlfriend told me. “Because my ex-boyfriend went berserk when he found out about it.”

“Unless you happen to be a professional drug lord kingpin or an axe murderer, I don’t think there is anything that bad that you can do,” I replied to my ex-girlfriend.

After a pregnant pause, she finally mumbled, “Well, I have a blog, and I don’t want you to read it because then I can’t write about you.”

A blog?!” I was flabbergasted. “That’s it? Geeee, okay…….”

“Trader didn’t like it that I was complaining to the world about our private stuff,” she confessed.

Uhhhh why?” I asked. “Got any X-rated posts on it?”

I snickered. Maybe there was… who knew what type of blog she can come up with. She was always full of surprises.

No lah,” she snapped as she slapped my arm. “It’s just a way for me to vent off and organize my thoughts, I tend to focus better when I write it down. And no you can’t read it.”

Eventually I did.

Maybe the fact that I didn’t make a big deal out of it gave her the encouragement to share with me her deepest thoughts.

But I think the fact that I finally married her had more to do with it.

Anyway, marriage is forever.

Can’t dump the weird girl who has a blog if you’ve vowed in front of everyone you love that you’ll forever be loyal to her and stick with her through thick and thin.

So a year something later, ex-girlfriend graduated to wife status and I now get first dibs on her latest blog entry here at Namelessintaipei.

She is really weird, my wife.

You’ll often find her, during breaks from work and life, often writing in bed or in our home office.

Geee… and all the while I thought all the furious tapping of her keyboard was work related. Ha!

So now, here is my contribution to that blog, and damn it, I better get more likes on this article than the usual 2-3 she normally gets.

She does care about her readers, my wife. And she really loves it when she says something significant that hopefully helps other people.

So what to write about…….

Ah yes, the ever loving topic of married life. I can write about that.

Funny though, most written articles out there about married life are written by women. You would assume that since the man is 50% of the marriage, there would be more out there written on how to deal with women.

But alas, that would make us pretty pathetic sissies!

Real men don’t talk to their buddies about their girl problems.

Hell, that’s the last thing we wanna talk about when we get together with the boys.

We only want to talk about girls who are not our wives. Or cars. Or sports.

Nobody wants to go around with the boys and vent about their wives!

So yes, I’ll be one of the few brave souls that dare approach this deadliest of topics and delve straight into sissy-hood. So behold, the quasi-official men’s point of view on marriage.

There are five thoughts I have about marriage – in lieu of my five months with my wife.

1.  The Honeymoon Stage.

We are now 5 months married and every one, and I mean everyone tells us we are in that syrupy sweet honeymoon stage.

All I can say is:


Ah, honeymoon — that one word already means Mars and Venus.

For many women including my dear wife, they think that the days should be filled with romantic bliss and endless passionate love-making every night with the both of you too tired to work the next day.

It’s all about the two of you and only you. And you hold hands as you watch the sunset together, sighing how lucky you are you’ve found each other.

Sorry ladies, the sex all night until morning is not humanely possible, unless you are on drugs.

When I come home, the first thing on my mind is food.


Yes, food.

I am grumpy and sour until this need is satiated.

Satisfy that need and then we’ll talk.

So while we do know how to have a pretty good roll in the hay quite often, there are simply some nights where bliss is just the both of you watching TV together.

Take for example last night, we picked up a new series called “The Americans.”

I would admit I never really watched these government-spy-conspiracy shows before, and guess what? Neither does she. It’s actually something new for the both of us to enjoy together as a couple.

The honeymoon stage is to find out what both of you enjoy together — both old and new things — now that you’re together 24/7. Who knows what you may discover?

2. Dun-dun-duuuunnnnn…. The romance is over.

My wife slaps me in the shoulder many times. It starts to hurts especially after seeing a rom-com.

Where has all the effort gone?!” she would say. And no, wifey has no shame in complaining about my lack of romance after we got married. No shame at all…

“Before, you used to pick me up, we’d have dinner, movie, go see a play, go to concerts, and now it’s gone. ALL GONE!” my wife would tell me. “What the hell just happened? All we did is to get married!”

The hard fact of the matter is, my wife and I — despite her accusations that it’s not the same anymore — do actually spend a lot more time now as husband and wife than when we were still dating.

Before, I would pick her up at 6:30 pm, go for dinner, then a movie and then take her home by 12:00pm midnight before her mom starts calling me up, or worse, starts calling MY MOM.

And yes, this has happened before.

Now that we’re married, we spend a minimum of 8 hours non-stop together. Ok, this is sleeping time but who’s counting.

I saw this at 9Gag yesterday, and it totally reminded me of my wife.


Yup, that’s her. She’s like a log while sleeping. You can literally steal a pillow under her head and she won’t even wake up!

But kidding aside, let’s face it. You cannot always eat at a restaurant everyday, and you’d finish off all the movies in a week. Life is not just about distractions. It’s about moments that matter.

Just because you’re not doing the usual dating stuff, doesn’t mean that the romance is over.

Far from it.

In fact, in our case, it’s been replaced by other little things, such as me making coffee for wifey in the morning (I do like seeing the Nespresso machine hum and gurgle), massaging her feet the second she kicks off her shoes and flops into bed (consider her immovable at this point), making the bed in the morning (I used to never do this, because my reasoning is why make it when your just gonna mess it at night?), going to work together, having lunch together, and the list goes on and on.

Sure there may not be expensive flowers anymore, but do you really want flowers when you can be with each other?

3.  All your bad habits get exposed. And it doesn’t make you any less sexy. If it does, he’s not the right dude for you.

Well you’ve seen each other naked, what else can you hide?

One of the first things that will come out in the open, literally, is when any one of you farts.

As my wife would say:


Women in particular are ashamed of this and while yes it’s not very sexy, neither does it matter to the guy.

As for me, I have no shame. Especially with my poor wife.

You can’t hide, conceal it or prevent it.

You’re a human being — what you eat has got to go somewhere and it’s all about natural.

There will be ewwww and go away moments, but definitely not a deal breaker and the situation is often more humorous than not.

Farting does NOT change or diminish our desire for you. Neither should it be.

Do you really think we’ll be thinking or turned off by the way you fart when we’re about to get some nookie?

Definitely not!

There are nights that I do a series of continuous short bursts and my wife hits my arm and says, “What’s wrong with you?”

And you know what?

That’s what makes us us, and that’s what makes us work and enjoy each other’s company all the more.

4.  Date night.

Before marriage, this is used to be almost every night for us.

But now, it’s once a week, twice at most.

Marriage forces you to be more creative than the “Hey, wanna movie dinner?” routine. Because heck, you’re married. Who else are you having dinner with aside from your wife?!

So for a guy who owns an automotive performance shop, I don’t like long drives.

But just the other day I took my wife to Tagaytay just to have coffee and back.

We literally had guyabano juice at Good Shepherd’s and then came back to Manila and had a chocolate pao from Chowking.

I kid you not, these things are cheap AND delicious.


Ok ok, breaking in the new car had something to do with it. But you get the point.

It may not be out of town trips all the time, but simply doing something different and still spending time with your spouse aside from the regular movie dinner CAN be special. And it doesn’t even have to be expensive to be memorable.

Wifey and I are perfectly happy to eat in the mall’s food court and share a Razon’s Halo-halo.


5.  Lastly, all the other small things.

One thing I suspected but never confirmed was that my wife is domestically inept.

So it’s up to me to do the laundry, clean the bathroom, make breakfast, trim her finger and toe nails, sweep the bed of dirt, empty the trash, etc. etc. etc.

Sounds like a real chore but it doesn’t feel like it for me.

Yeah yeah you might say that I do it because of the honeymoon stage (See #1), but here’s the thing, I do it even before we got married. The biggest and only difference now is that I do it gladly and am happy that she gets to lounge in bed, ipad in hand flicking away at Ani-pop after a long day at the office.

I love her that way and I like to see her happy.


Anyway, the reason I’m writing this guest post (and allowing her to edit it a bit, correcting my grammar and all), is that wifey just celebrated her supposedly 28th birthday yesterday and things didn’t really go according to plan.

She got a nasty fever and rumbly stomach the night before.

So instead of going to Ocean Adventure in Subic just like I planned, we simply skipped work, had lunch at Rockwell and just enjoyed each other’s company without worrying about the everyday happenings of life.

The office kinda cooperated with by leaving us alone and not calling… most of the time.

So to my dear wife, happy 5 monthsary!

Here’s a happy birthday to my 5-month old wife and cheesy as this will sound, may we have many more birthdays and milestones to celebrate for the next 60 or more years!

Old love

I love you!

– The Husband –

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