I’m the opposite of passive aggressive.
By definition according to Urban Dictionary, Passive Aggressiveness is “a defense mechanism that allows people who aren’t comfortable of being openly aggressive to still get what they want under the guise of still trying to please others. They want their way, but they also want everyone to still like them.”
Personally, I define is when a person is upset with something because something didn’t happen his/her way but refuses to be direct about it. Instead, his/her anger and resentment manifests in a different manner later on.
Jane: It’s time to go, we really should get going now.Passive Aggressive Ann: Oh…okay. I just…well okay, I GUESS we can leave now.
Jane: Ann, do you want to stay? Is that what you’re trying to get at?
Passive Aggressive Ann: Huh? Oh no, we can leave if YOU want. I just didn’t get to do everything I wanted to do yet, but no no, we can go I guess.
Jane: God dammit Ann! Fine, we’ll stay, are you happy?
Passive Aggressive Ann: Oh okay! Yeah! That sounds great too!
As you can say, Ann got what she wanted without uncomfortably asking for it. Unfortunately people get increasingly frustrated with passive aggressiveness. It festers and grows until one day, it simply blows up.
Personally, I’m a more direct person.
Just yesterday, I told boyfriend that I’m experiencing PMS (pre-menstrual syndrome) and found myself to be extra emotional, slightly more irritable and very very sensitive.
“Uhhhh, you told me that PMS is a myth right?” he asked.
“Yes, but I’m TELLING you, I’m having a higher level of estrogen than usual,” I told him. “Hence, I AM at the moment very sensitive. So you have to treat me more gently and more loving than usual in the next few days, or I’ll bite your head off.”
“Anyway, just warning you,” I added. “At least you know.”
And it was quite true.
On top of all the issues we’re juggling right now, we had one of our arguments once again this morning.
My mom told me earlier that Boyfriend said something insensitive last night, which I’ve communicated to boyfriend today. Of course, given that I’m telling him something he didn’t want to hear, he proceeded to shoot the messenger.
“Why are you angry at me for?” I said. “I only tell you these things because I care about you. If I didn’t, I won’t care.”
I then told him that I felt that these days we were drifting apart, and if he doesn’t remedy it soon, it will only get worse.
“Look, everything else, am sure it’ll blow away either through time, or by solution.” I said. “But with us, if we don’t fix us now, it’ll only get worse until it explodes.”
Unlike other couples, I’ve always believed in getting down to the root of the problem and finding a solution to something fast. If you let issues fester without any quick resolution, the issue will reach a point of no-return. When problems happen, try to snip it in the bud as fast as you can.
“I think we need to get back to love. Get back to us,” I replied. “Because I’m not feeling much love coming from you lately.”
“So how do you expect us to do that?” he asked. That’s a valid statement given that generics usually don’t work. One must be specific to make changes.
“I want you to be sweeter to me,” I said. “Touch me more, speak to me more gently. You’re starting to treat me like your employee, and I don’t like that. I’m your girlfriend and I want to be treated accordingly.”
The problem of us has only been a few days old.
But its ugly head has been popping every now and then. I am not very happy with Boyfriend these days, and his defensive, negative and insensitive (to my feelings) nature the last few times has not been helpful.
Given this, I’d like to nip this behavior in the butt. “It’s my responsibility to tell you there’s a problem,” I told him. “How you want to react, and what you’re going to do about it is yours.”
I’ve already said my piece.
It’s now up to him to see whether I’m worth the changes or not.