I met a Filipino-Chinese woman yesterday who co-owned a macaroon bakery with her sister. She had pale beautiful skin, a kind face, and long hair.
She was also, by her own admission, overweight.
“My auntie said I am not ‘kaisiao-able'” she matter-a-factly told me. Kaishiao is a very common term heard by many unmarried in the Philippines. It means that a concerned acquaintance or family member introduces you to another unmarried single of the opposite sex in the hopes of making a love connection.
“WHAT?!” I exclaimed, surprised how a relative could be that mean.
“Yes, she said that given I have no family business, and that I am short and fat, I am un-kaishiao-able.”
I was surprised on how calm she said these words. And how much she believed what her relatives have said.
“Yes, they think that I need to have a boyfriend. Once I have a boyfriend, or at least experienced having a boyfriend, then they wouldn’t bug me about it anymore.”
My friend is 28 years old and part of the NBK (Never-Been-Kissed) Club. Apparently, in the Philippines, this is quite common and not good. If your daughter never had a boyfriend in her late 20s, parents usually worry.
And here I am thinking that it’s awesome that you don’t have to have your heart broken several times. Dating is dangerous and oftentimes, hurtful. I think I’ve already had my heart broken a few times. I woe any parent who wishes that for their own daughter.
“Personally, I think dating requires you spending a lot of time with that person,” I started. “Hence, if you make that person your boyfriend, then make sure that you really enjoy his time. That he’s actually worth it.”
My family is actually anti-relationship and anti-marriage. Not that they don’t believe in it because they do, but they do not think that one should get into a relationship or worse, a marriage, if the person is NOT the right one for you.
Better be single and happy than be stuck with an abusive partner whom you will eventually resent or loathe.
“You can say that because you are tall and thin,” she woefully said.
I wondered then about the fate of all fat people in the world. Given their physiques, are they doomed for single-dom? And if ever, are they stuck as well with equally fat partners?
The thing is, having lived abroad, I’ve met a lot of people who are fat, and yet are happy in love.
My friend AF for example is female and holds a decent position at HSBC. Even in her 20s, you know she’s going to be HUGE. But that never really was a factor for her.
You can always see AF out about with her friends, going out and having fun. When I met her in Taipei, we went to a costume party together, and she came out as Sexy Alice (in Wonderland).
Being with her was just an experience — you were literally blown away by her energy. Even I couldn’t really compete with her. 🙂
I think this is the problem — fat people tend to believe all the negative things people say about them.
Negative things like, you’re unattractive. People will not love you because you are fat. Who will date you? You’re only going to get bigger…
I think believing negativity especially when it targets you and your self-esteem is dangerous. When you yourself do not think you are special, then who else will?
So if you ask me, dating is harder if you are fat, NOT because you are physically unattractive, but because being fat makes you a more depressed person who don’t love or believe in yourself.
And who wants to be with someone who is a downer? 🙂
In the end, I don’t think that dating is dead if you are fat. There are still a lot of women who are thin and yet are single.
But dating is dead IF you believe you are fat and unattractive, no matter which weight you are in.
Makes sense? 🙂