People always think its better to date a nice guy. At least, he would never really hurt you. He can’t. He’s just too “nice.”
Well, I did actually dated a guy because he was nice. Of course, the cute factor was there too. He was Chinese, clean, very intelligent, and someone you can present to the parents. It was also a plus that at least, he appreciated good food.
But we were incompatible about many things. For example, he had an energy far far lower than mine. We would have a one-event date (e.g., watch a movie, go have dinner), and then he’d be exhausted.
He didn’t like to do most things or try. I’ve yet to bring him out to a club or a live band, just because he didnt want to. He didnt have the energy level for it, didn’t want to spend. He would rather just stay home, sleep or play video games.
We all compromised somewhat. We were in a long distance relationship for two and a half years so we flew to each other every month, each taking turns. The times I’ve been to Singapore number more than the fingers in your hand already.
And when we were together, we spent time together by going for a movie, eating out. So I did everything I wanted to do when he wasn’t there, and we did what he could do when he was around. Napped a lot because he needed his rest.
That’s the thing about niceness. Everyone tells you it’s important. And sure it is, because who wants to date a complete jerk?
But nobody tells you that nice doesn’t make a relationship. Actually, it goes with anything else in life. Nice pleases everyone yet no one. Nice” is neutral, bland, boring, somewhat half-assed because you could have awesome, but you’re settling for nice.
And life is way too short for anything that’s half-assed.
There was a point in the relationship when I went to a Linkin Park concert alone because it wasn’t his thing. And when I got home, all he said was, “You see? It’s good for couples to do things separately so you can do what you want, and I can do what I want.”
True, what he said was true and seemed gracious, but I sure as hell didn’t want us to live separate lives if we were married.
At that point, I was getting frustrated. My needs weren’t being met, but we were both too nice to pull the plug.
I guess, I realized there were more important things than nice in a relationship. And I didn’t want to half ass my next one. Friends are a dime a dozen, but you can only have one partner. Nice is good for two and a half years, but imagine being with nice for the rest of your life?
Life is too short for that. Sure, nice is nice but more importantly, when it comes to relationships, nice just don’t cut it.
So if it’s not just nice, then what should a relationship be?
It’s compatibility given the same wavelength. Of doing nothing and feeling that you’re doing everything. It’s talking while eating because there’s still so much to say and share.
It’s feeling safe and supported in each others company. It comes in knowing that you have each others back. And that you can count on each other when you need it, without having the need to ask. It’s knowing that you can say something, and that other person could understand that you mean well, and not judge you as quickly.
It’s knowing that you got the best deal out there that’s made for you. Note that it doesn’t mean perfection but rather the beauty that comes from imperfection. But that’s okay. Because you like them just the way they are.
It’s colors, and moments. It’s taking a stand together. It lies in the positives or the negatives and not really the in betweens.
No, a relationship isn’t just about being nice, being neutral, being gray.
No, a relationship is much more than that. And I’m glad that I didn’t have to accept nice in lieu of something even more beautiful.