Is “Nice” Enough to Make A Relationship?

People always think its better to date a nice guy. At least, he would never really hurt you. He can’t. He’s just too “nice.”

Well, I did actually dated a guy because he was nice. Of course, the cute factor was there too. He was Chinese, clean, very intelligent, and someone you can present to the parents. It was also a plus that at least, he appreciated good food.

But we were incompatible about many things. For example, he had an energy far far lower than mine. We would have a one-event date (e.g., watch a movie, go have dinner), and then he’d be exhausted.

He didn’t like to do most things or try. I’ve yet to bring him out to a club or a live band, just because he didnt want to. He didnt have the energy level for it, didn’t want to spend. He would rather just stay home, sleep or play video games.

We all compromised somewhat. We were in a long distance relationship for two and a half years so we flew to each other every month, each taking turns. The times I’ve been to Singapore number more than the fingers in your hand already.

And when we were together, we spent time together by going for a movie, eating out. So I did everything I wanted to do when he wasn’t there, and we did what he could do when he was around. Napped a lot because he needed his rest.

That’s the thing about niceness. Everyone tells you it’s important. And sure it is, because who wants to date a complete jerk?

But nobody tells you that nice doesn’t make a relationship. Actually, it goes with anything else in life. Nice pleases everyone yet no one. Nice” is neutral, bland, boring, somewhat half-assed because you could have awesome, but you’re settling for nice.

And life is way too short for anything that’s half-assed.

There was a point in the relationship when I went to a Linkin Park concert alone because it wasn’t his thing. And when I got home, all he said was, “You see? It’s good for couples to do things separately so you can do what you want, and I can do what I want.”

True, what he said was true and seemed gracious, but I sure as hell didn’t want us to live separate lives if we were married.

At that point, I was getting frustrated. My needs weren’t being met, but we were both too nice to pull the plug.

I guess, I realized there were more important things than nice in a relationship. And I didn’t want to half ass my next one. Friends are a dime a dozen, but you can only have one partner. Nice is good for two and a half years, but imagine being with nice for the rest of your life?

Life is too short for that. Sure, nice is nice but more importantly, when it comes to relationships, nice just don’t cut it.

So if it’s not just nice, then what should a relationship be?

It’s compatibility given the same wavelength. Of doing nothing and feeling that you’re doing everything. It’s talking while eating because there’s still so much to say and share.

It’s feeling safe and supported in each others company. It comes in knowing that you have each others back. And that you can count on each other when you need it, without having the need to ask. It’s knowing that you can say something, and that other person could understand that you mean well, and not judge you as quickly.

It’s knowing that you got the best deal out there that’s made for you. Note that it doesn’t mean perfection but rather the beauty that comes from imperfection. But that’s okay. Because you like them just the way they are.

It’s colors, and moments. It’s taking a stand together. It lies in the positives or the negatives and not really the in betweens.

No, a relationship isn’t just about being nice, being neutral, being gray.

No, a relationship is much more than that. And I’m glad that I didn’t have to accept nice in lieu of something even more beautiful.

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2 thoughts on “Is “Nice” Enough to Make A Relationship?

  1. Bonita, it’s so nice to see you blogging. I feel like you’re talking to me through this post, because I can relate to this a lot. I just broke up with my boyfriend of two years, it was a long distance relationship too. I didn’t like long distance because I had the busiest schedule ever at that moment but he appeared to be very mature and was a very nice guy. After a while I realized that I didnt like some of his personality, especially he was very introverted. Over the time i found out, he gets jealous easily and sometimes used to judged me based on his past experience; there were some things that we couldnt talk about too which frustrates me. To say it simple, i’m a lot more open-minded than him. I hated those things in our relationship, but…I held back, only because he was really “nice” and sweet to me. Like you said, who wants to date a jerk? I’ve met some really bad guys before him . I thought maybe he was worthawhile. For the last half year I was very busy with internship and license examination; he was busy with grad school….that our relationship started fading. and he started seeing someone else too. So we broke up.

    It’s been only a month or two. I’m so not used to it right now but i’ve done a lot of thinking which maybe i shouldnt be doing. on my better days I feel happy it’s over, feel like i’ve woke up,and that i was settling for something less just because he was nice and made me feel “peaceful and safe” at that time. I need someone who I can talk about anything and someone who can understand me and trust me and it should be mutual. Someone more outgoing lol. he was def not worth it.

    I hope everything goes well with you, and that you can find your right guy 🙂

  2. Definitely a very true post, you do not want a jerk but you want someone nice. When you find it, you know 🙂 Relationships need a lot of things and one of them is compromise! You may not want to do certain things, but if you give a bit, you get a bit back 🙂

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