Prioritizing your Love Life

I just came out from a lunch with an old university friend. We were having a catch-up chat from last month’s lunch when we were discussing on how she can further improve her business.

You see, she quit her corporate job about a year ago to embark on an entrepreneural mission. “It’s for the experience, Bonita” she heartily explained. “I didn’t really want to join my family business so I think it would be a good experience for me to set up my own. If it doesn’t work well, I can always continue with my corporate job again.”

I totally agree — ‘cept for the fact that you still have Plan B. I’ve always been a believer that if you want to succeed, you needed to burn your bridges. Otherwise, your heart just ain’t on it!

Anyway, let’s not digress.

We promised to meet again today because I gave her some encouragement to put more effort on her business. Personally, if you’re going to quit your job to start your own business, you gotta give it all you’ve got. Otherwise, the opportunity cost of being without a stable income just ain’t worth it.

She promised to set up a more organized businessplan and share her progress report.

However, when we met today, aside from one event that she’s organized in August, she has no other plans set. This was around 3 weeks since we last met, and I figured that progress reports should at least 6-12 months down.

Finally, she ‘fessed up and told me the reason why she hasn’t really been focusing on her business.

Actually Bonita, I am re-aligning my priorities elsewhere…” she admitted.

Where then?” I patiently asked.

Well, I’m putting more focus from my career to my health/fitness and my love life,” explained my friend. At 30 and having never been kissed, she was hoping to have a boyfriend by now. Unfortunately, like all career-minded women, relationships had pretty much taken a backseat. At worse, pretty women have a semi-monopoly of men’s interest. If you’re not that hot, it’s quite difficult to attract attention.

So how are you going to do that?” I asked.

Well, am planning to widen my social circle more. I’ve already signed up to join two other socio organizations,” she replied.

I’ve known my friend for years. In fact, that was how we met — we were both leaders of social organizations back in university.

After college, I was again a chairperson of another organization in Taiwan. What I did learn was, though it was cool to be male and president, being female and president did not really guarantee a blossoming love life.

Sure, more people knew who you are and you had tons of acquaintances. However, it didn’t really mean that everyone would go gaga over you and ask you out. Being Ms. Popular didn’t equate to Being Ms. Heartthrob.

Quite the contrary: Nobody really wanted a high-profile romance and were afraid to date the Chairwoman. Why? Because if the romance fell out, people would know who he is, and what a jerk he’s been to Madam President.

Nonetheless, I can understand her dilemma.

How is it possible for us to find a boyfriend?

Whereas men can easily pursue a woman of his desire, women on the other hand were taught to be passive and wait for a man to signal his interest. 🙁

If we were interested and was aggressive in showing interest, we women were seen as desperate. And that’s for many men, a turn-off.

It’s a tough world out there,” I admitted. “What can we do if all we can do is wait?”

Trader was a nice surprise but then again, who knew when and where romance will befall us? Even then, we were each other’s exceptions. I for one did not expect for him to go after me. My niche market were more of the aggressive, successful non-locals, NOT a traditional dude like Trader.

And what if we women are not super attractive in the looks scale? Does that mean that we’re doomed to be at a disadvantage? What would you do if you are not really that attractive, have mediocre personality and can’t seem to get a guy?

Well, the first step is to maybe increase your attractiveness by going to the gym, dressing well and looking presentable. We work with whatever we can get, and I find that make-up do work wonders.

Me with make-up and me without make-up are just so different. 🙂 I am totally a fan of having a bit of makeup!

Meanwhile, after trying to look presentable, I think it’s really about differentiating yourself from all the other women out there.

Personally, my differentiating factor was that I talked too much.

Trader can vouch for this. He was initially attracted to the fact that I talked a lot. Little did he know that I couldn’t stop talking. Much to his dismay.

Fortunately for me, he found this out once we’ve already started dating and it’s really hard to back out then.

But honestly, I don’t know really how to get a guy…

All I know is that we have to look our best, be our best and hope for the best.

How about you guys… Any suggestions?

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2 thoughts on “Prioritizing your Love Life

  1. Well, to be honest… you can look your best, be your best and hope for the best but still not attract that significant other [of course, being all that above will boost your confidence ;)]

    I think that a lot of people think that you can make a person fall in love with you when you have the right smile, clothing etc- well, I did so to… but how wrong I was.

    If a guy isn’t into you, he.just.ain’t. -no matter how hot you are. It’s just that simple as it sounds. Hhaha, we chicks have the tendency to make things more difficult than they are.

    Of course, it will always give you some extra points ahead when you can capture someone’s attention at first sight, whether it’s in a crowd or one-on-one, but if he’s not all to superficial, and you ain’t got nothing between the ears, he won’t stay add your side all to long.

    Let me put it this way, I’ve gained some pounds and for some reason, I attract more guys at the moment than when I was thin and why is that? Maybe because I got more confident over the years of who I am and what I want…

    What I would advice my friends [and trying to put some tact in the advicing ;)], maybe she needs to look/work at herself first, instead of widen her social circle… ?

  2. Right on Jidi. We women overthink too much though I personally don’t think you’ll have too many issues in the men department. You’re one of the kindest, beautiful inside and out women I’ve met with a brain between her ears so think you’ll be fine. 🙂

    Btw, if you gained weight, maybe you signal that you’re more fertile? 🙂

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