Have you ever been with an unvailable man?

Maybe you have but just don’t know it.

I’ve come back from a brief weekend stint in Taipei finding out that my friends have a knack of picking men that are somehow unavailable. Weird no?

My sister-cum-best-friend has started going out with a 52-year old divorced man who has been single for the last decade. He contacts her multiple times a day after 2 dates which pleases my best friend. However, he tells her that he cannot really have kids because he can’t have any. Their age difference ranges 22 years.

My interesting former language exchange partner is going out for 2.5 years with a cute man 8 years her junior. They have now started living in together which is a great way to get to know someone, and had successfully laid down ground rules for a more harmonious co-habitation. She is already in her early 30s while he’s still in his mid-20s. He is Caucasian and is in no hurry to settle down. She says she’s the same but I beg to differ. She wants kids and her biological clock is ticking.

My other friend has just broken up with her boyfriend of 2 years. The reason: he is still in contact with his ex-girlfriend who he went out with for 13 freaking years. He had broken off with ex-girlfriend because of his feelings for my friend. However, over the last four months, his attention towards her is lacking. Our suspicion is because of the ex-girlfriend. You know how easy is it to rebound to an ex you still keep in contact with.

Trader thinks my friends are interesting. I come to think that there’s a pattern.

Trader may seem really perfect but he’s kinda scary for normal women. However, what I can say is that he seems that he’s one example of an emotionally available man.

How?

He told his family about me the day after we got together. He has been very clear that we were in a serious relationship and had taken steps to introduce me to his inner circle of friends, and integrate me into his life. At the very least, I am not his secret girlfriend (and yes, I’ve been a secret girlfriend before so I do know how hard that feels).

Though he is in his 20s, Trader is very very clear that he wants to get married and have kids. This, he’s made clear to me on our first week of dating to my surprise. So fast la!

Whenever we have issues, he is very patient to help us iron them out. For him, we can work on them together and despite my many many faults, I am still beautiful and his. And truth be told, I have a lot of bad things too embarrassing to share.

Now this is not the case of I’m better than my friends, or Trader is better than my friends’ mates. This is NOT a point I’m trying to make.

What I’m just saying is that it’s funny that men can be at different points of their lives. Some are ready to settle down while others are just happy to go with the flow and survivor to the fittest. My friends have chosen the latter. They seem to be happy to settle with a guy they like, even though they cannot see the end yet.

And for many of them, the end has yet to come. For many of their mates, I don’t think that they’re ready to settle down or have kids for at least a few long years.

It really depends what you like to happen. If you want kids, find someone who wants kids and a family. If you want to live a casual dating life, find someone not serious and just have fun. Nothing bad about that.

For me?

I just got really really lucky. 🙂

Trader is extremely patient with me, and is willing to be with me as I iron out my many faults. I have been quite honest with him about my thoughts on kids, but heck, we work it out. We talk about it, discuss and try to find a win-win situation.

So I think – success in dating comes with finding the right person who’s ready for love.

He’s out there. Just be patient. 🙂

What do you think? Thoughts on this appreciated!

Whenever we have issues