As soon as I heard Utada Hikaru’s song (been a fan of hers since I heard her “First Love“), I knew I had to share it with all of you. I’m sure that many of you readers are there can connect to her song — ever been a prisoner of love yourself?

*waves her hand wildly*

I have. 😀

It wasn’t pretty though.

When I was dating my first Ex-boyfriend Michan, I was so crazy in love with him, and without any reason! Put it this way, he was around 3-4 years older than him, had sexy lips and used to play soccer in college.

Likewise, he was unemployed, didn’t graduate from college, and didn’t love me as much as I loved him, thus justifying him treating me like shit. I remembered that we dated for four months before he moved back to Tokyo to find a better paying job, and then continued our long-distance relationship before breaking up on our first-year anniversary.

Those were sad days. I cried when I sent him to the airport and hugged him fiercely when saying goodbye. I used to live for his phone calls, and when his lazy drawled “Wei” was heard on the phone line, my heart skipped a beat.

Unfortunately, he also didn’t love me as much. It’s true what they say — passion comes from not really getting what you want and as a spoiled princess, I was used to getting what I wanted. Hence, Michan maintaining his distance really boiled my blood and made me want him even more.

In the end, I realized that I couldn’t keep on hanging on.

“Why will I sacrifice so much to a guy who doesn’t love me as much?” I cried as I tried to claw my self-respect back. “Hell, I deserve more than that.”

Unsurprisingly though, we managed to last for a few more months, with us mutually agreeing to break up because heck, it wasn’t working out (though I do think it’s because he was too much of a cheapskate to maintain a long distance relationship.

I find myself in another long-distance relationship with Trader, but now, the players changed their roles.

Trader, I believe, is more in love with me than I am, though that doesn’t mean that I appreciate him any less because I do. My love for him is strong and I put money where my mouth is, but heck, his feelings for me were more like my feelings for Michan back then — super strong, passionate and always desperate for more.

My love for him. Well, it’s more like the Pacific Ocean. Constant, calm and just chugging along.

I’m not sure if that’s the best type of love, but according to my best guy gay friend, “You’re so lucky Bonita. Who wouldn’t want a guy who revolves his life around the girlfriend?”

Hmmm… I don’t think that Trader revolves his life around me. But I do know that he loves me very very very much. Only a guy who really really loves me can truly deal with me with that much patience.

Anyway, he’s coming this weekend so I’m happy! Not a lot of time of course, but these meet-ups are always such a pleasure, reminding me always why I love him. 🙂

Enjoy the music video and have a great weekend ahead as well!