“Why do I have a feeling that I’m in big trouble…?” Trader emailed me this morning.
“Hmmm… because for a guy, you’re quite perceptive and observant?” I answered back. “I wouldn’t really say you’re in BIG trouble, but I wouldn’t say that things are as peachy as you’d like right now. No worries though. Just a small hiccup daer, and we’ll work it out smoothly later somehow.”
“Okay, we’ll work this out later,” Trader replied. “We can leave this issue for now and clear this out later.”
My boyfriend and I are under a little tiff. After over a whole month of dating bliss, we’ve had our first hiccup.
The good news is, there are still a few things that doesn’t change. For example, we love each other and understand that this is something that we can work out to the betterment (and not the detriment) of our relationship. And second, the honeymoon period was getting too unnaturally cheesy and sometimes, it’s healthy to agree to disagree.
Hence, this wouldn’t cause us to break anything off and we’re still very secure about the relationship. However, given that there are some things that I disagree with, we have to make some clarifications and go right back to the same page.
The issue with dating me is that I’m too darn vocal. If I’m unhappy about something, I don’t get passive-aggressive about it and shove the issue under the rug. Usually, our conversations are calm and split into three simple steps:
Step 1: I re-affirm just how much I care about him and how I value the relationship.
At the very least, we get one thing clear — we love each other and will work it out, but that doesn’t mean that we cannot disagree at times. At the very least however, we’re coming from a happy place and am not attacking him immediately.
Step 2: Tell him exactly what happened, giving a blow-by-blow account on how the whole thing transpired.
No judgements. Just a statement of the facts that brought about the disagreement. That way, he gets to understand where I’m coming from and he’s not sideswiped asking herself why his girlfriend is going psycho.
Step 3: Tell him how I felt – and the fact that something made me uncomfortable doesn’t make the issue wrong. But it’s just how I feel, and what we can do about this.
Look, I’m not always a saint, and goodness knows I can call upon PMS (though I do think it’s a myth) and say that it’s a girl’s perogative to be irrational and psychotic. However, I do believe that relatively-speaking, I’m quite reasonable to talk to and when I do bring something up, it does make sense.
For example, the issue today is that I’ve invited him to fly over to Hong Kong to join a beach party this Saturday. He has encouraged me to make requests and I find it reasonable for me to extend an invitation to come to Hong Kong to stake his claim and join the party.
That doesn’t mean that I’m demanding for him to come over here. In fact, it’s a no-pressure invitation and if he has something already planned, we can just meet each other in June as planned.
However, what transpired is that he’s already made plans for the weekend. He’s already explained to his friend that he’ll join him to watch Transformers 2 and that he will be attending one of his close friend’s farewell party as it’s her last weekend in Singapore before moving back to Manila.
Now, one thing I am not is unreasonable — if you’ve already made plans and it’s an important friend’s gathering, then by all means, you should still keep your prior commitment and not cancel just because your girlfriend extended an invite for you to come.
What I do find troubling though is that he described my invitation as a “demand,” a terminology error by the poor man I believe, which it is absolutely not. Hence, I want to clarify that it is NOT a demand and he should wipe the demand bullshit out from his dictionary. Whether or not he comes is his perogative. If he comes, great. Otherwise, fine too.
Another troubling issue is that after thanking me for understanding that he is unable to make it, he then follows it up with a shitty, “Oh but you’re my number one priority, and are very special and important to me.”
Look, I understand that I’m very special and important to him. Granted, I’ll give him that.
However, what I do disagree with is when I extend an invite, you decline given prior commitments, and on the next breath, state that I’m your number one priority!
It just doesn’t make logical sense — if indeed I am your number one priority, then you will ensure that you’re here for Saturday to attend my beach party! You will choose me over everybody and everything else. That’s how “number one priority” is defined, right?
Hence, I can accept everything else, but don’t give me any shit about saying that I’m the number one priority when I am not THIS WEEK. Sure, I know that I’m important but it’s very baseless to claim that I’m a numero uno priority, but wait wait…. I would still have to keep my prior commitments to my other friends who are somehow my second or third priority.
Doesn’t make sense. 🙁
Anyway, little issue I think and I don’t really expect him to come by and btw, have no bad feelings about him not doing so. However, if something is illogical, one must call him on it because he has no right to claim that I’m that high of a priority when I come second and third to Transformers 2 and his friend’s despedida party.
So we shall talk later about this and iron this little bitty issue out. I think he’s slightly afraid that he’s in the doghouse, which is quite a valid fear. Nonetheless, it’s a slight boo-boo and should be fine later after we have our little talk. As I’ve said, if it’s something I find uncomfortable with, then we must address this immediately unless I need to suffer my boyfriend saying all the shit like “I love you,” and “I’ll do everything for you,” and not really walking the talk.
Btw, sale season in Hong Kong these weeks and had been going nuts with my new expensive fetish — expensive bags (boo-hoo!). Saw this gem last night at Causeway Bay, the BALLY Eros bag at 40% off, and couldn’t help with this impulse buy.
Nice, eh? Classic lines in cow-hide leather, something to treasure for a few years if not for the still lofty price tag (Original price: HKD6,000).
Aaargh, been pampering myself far too much these days. Not only am I enjoying that extravagant Bally purchase, but have also allowed myself to splurge on this super-sweet Miu Miu Black Matellase handbag (Original price: HKD11,000) that sets me back a pretty penny:
Bah — I love it so that’s all that counts. The leather itself is baby skin soft and the style itself flashy and yet classic. Nonetheless, am bag rich now so best to delay all purchases till the year of 2012. 😀
Hope all is well. Gotta stop having these tiffs so as not to pamper myself way too much. Given that I’ve already spent enough to force me to move away from my expensive apartment, I will defer all purchases till the next few months.
Have a great week everyone and wish us luck as Trader and I iron out our little tiff!