Apologies for the lack of updates.
Unfortunately, May and June are just hell months at work, and given that I’ve started dating Trader, evenings are now reverted to my time with him with us talking in the phone for hours. Also, me being so giddy and happily in love don’t do too many wonders in inspiring me to rant about relationships.
Over the last few weeks, I felt that I’ve stated very clearly on what I believe is one of the most important factor to a great relationship. And this is, just choosing the right type of mate.
People often choose their partners for the wrong reasons. They think that a guy who makes them swoon or buys them gifts are key criterias in making a relationship work. That’s total bullshit.
Basically, I’m a true believer of just finding one decent man whose values and beliefs are something you share and respect. See if he loves you and appreciates you, and if he does, give him that chance to make you happy.
Unfortunately, that same man can be viewed as a bore, or a wuss by many women. I disagree. What is boredom for some is peaceful stability for me. What is constant smothering is just a way for a guy to show just how much he cares about you. Different people perceive things in various ways. And given a choice of a bad boy who breaks your heart and a nice guy who treats you like gold, who in their right mind would choose the former?
Anyway, I am digressing.
I just want to share just how very very happy and content I am right now. 😀
I am with a man who really loves and cares for me. We both thank our lucky stars every day that we’ve reconnected and managed to get together. At three weeks in, our relationship has been very good so far. It’s like we’re right smack in the middle of our honeymoon period, and heck, we’re definitely savoring every single minute of it!
Trader has just been amazing.
Basically Trader’s just been steady Eddie over the last few weeks. Despite our long-distance status, he’s been very consistent with how he treats me.
Every morning for example, he sends me a good morning SMS. Over the day, we chat via email and give ourselves brief updates on how we are. Then, after he gets off work, he calls me and we do a brief chat. Another call is expected before we go to bed, and sprinkled around our conversations are constant affirmations on how we see and respect each other, and just how damn lucky we are to have reconnected after all these years.
It’s funny — you meet someone you had a very good impression with before. Nothing happened and you lose touch. But after you’ve reconnected, everything’s been smooth sailing since after. All in the span of a few months.
Yes, our relationship had developed quite fast despite our long-distance status. We just can’t believe it, as days pass and the more we spend time together, the more we think we’ve won the jackpot. Him first, then me. 🙂
Did I tell you that I think he’s wonderful?
The funny thing is, we aren’t each other’s idea of a perfect mate. When we got together, Trader told me that we were both exemptions of each other. We each didn’t fit the pattern of the type of people that Trader and I would normally attract or like.
I usually liked successful, overly confident men who pretty much put me in my place. It was said before that I liked guys who lead, and sure enough, I’ve dated quite a bit of department/division bosses in my days. They were truly, in many ways, alpha male.
Trader on the other hand went for women who were just feminine, demure and in a way, didn’t really have that strong of a personality than I do. He liked them sugar and spice and everything nice. Not that I’m not all that sweet, but I do show it off in a different way.
However, our combination surprisingly work and we complement each other well. “Yin and yang,” Trader would say and I’d agree.
The extrovert and the semi-introvert.
The social butterfly with the intellectual private person.
The hard working nerd with the street smart man.
It doesn’t really matter — what does is that we mutually adore each other, and have no qualms in sharing it with each other.
For example, Trader has no shame telling me how he feels. Every day, he tells me how much he loves me. This week, I’ve started saying it right back and meant it (had this epiphany on just how important he is to me a few days ago).
He’s also not just all talk and all action. “Bonita, I just want you to know that I’m all in,” he promised when he came to visit. “And this is a relationship that is going somewhere.” Contrary to empty promises that I’ve heard before, his was different. I looked into his eyes and know that he means it. He intends to make me his one day.
We’re so sickenly sweet when we’re together that my pro-independence friends scratch their heads on how the hell I don’t find him to be too smothering. “Him calling you long distance every day,” my friend said, “Isn’t that way too much? Don’t you guys want a bit of space as to still cultivate your individualism?”
Trader disagrees. The distance itself is bad for him already, what more as to purposely not seeing each other just to keep each other’s individual ways.
“Why not do both?” he asked. “What’s wrong with wanting to be with you every day?”
Honestly, there’s really no right or wrong answer. If your partner is okay in spending every day together, then that’s not wrong. If he/she has an issue with that, then hell there’s something insane about you.
Luckily, I don’t mind getting my daily dose of Trader. For me, that constant affirmation is important especially given that we’re living in two different countries.
Hence, it brings me joy when my friend who I look up to today shared with me his secret to his happy marriage, and we quote:
“We do tend to be very expressive (in words and actions), a trait my wife matches (if not as much as me in public, then perhaps even more so in private). We respect each other, talk a whole lot, and as excessive as it might sound, probably say “love you” to each other at least once every hour except when we’re not physically together. A whole lot of communication and affirmation, the kind of doses that we as individuals prefer.”
He admits that this may come across as smothering to others, and it’s true. When friends see myself and Trader, they stare agape on how we can be so sickenly sweet and grateful that we’re with each other that we’ve been accused of as “crazy.” But hell, it works so that’s that.
My friend also acknowledgement the elements of luck in their relationship. He continues:
So we do try to be thoughtful and “work on our relationship” but it comes very easy; a large part of it is luck – luck that we found one another, luck that we get along, luck that we’re a great match as a couple.
Honestly, I’ve always looked up to this friend of mine, both for his achievements at work, at his marriage and his life. It warms my heart that he thinks affirmation is very important.
Anyway, I am not making sense today. Do forgive me, it’s almost 3:00am and I’ve just finished watching Zack and Miri make a porno, a cute film though pretty much cliche-ish.
I will try to write more insightful pieces in the future. Right now, these are just raves telling you that I’m okay. Just swamped with work and very busy. But also very happy with Trader.
Have a good weekend!