Yes, I admit it.

I am a workaholic.

I come to the morning early in the morning at 7:30 am to join in the morning meeting, and my day continues on from there.

Checking my mail which pops every few minutes. Tinkering on powerpoint to get that presentation right. Calling up contacts and asking them to agree on what I want. Coordinating with gazillions of people so that everybody’s on the same page.

I don’t like to be idle. Never did and never will. I thrived on my restlessness and moving forward. That was the reason I quit my last job. It was that tpical 9am-5pm job that was terrific in every way, but just bored me to tears because I felt that I wasn’t being challenged and there was no growth for me there.

Never do I work for money though it’s one way I get my expensive rent paid and savor the food from Pret and Cafe de Coral. Sure, I liked having the money to spend whenever I liked it in whatever I wanted. The financial independence that my salary provides allow me to let my hair down a bit and travel the world the way I like it (down and dirty, just like everything else). But money is not my primary motivation.

Instead, it’s the work I’m addicted to.

One of the greater technologies is my Crackberry–black, huge and oh so solid. Now I’ve discovered what the hell every banker/lawyer has been tittering about. It’s those little buttons that give you ultimate control over every single email that arrives in your inbox. At the very least, you’re in the know and not caught surprised in a crisis. Those little creatures created so much pain in Laos where I had signal half the time. But most of the time, they work.

I like coming in weekends if there’s actually work to be done. The office is quiet with no distractions. Just the way I like it. And I don’t mind. Where can I go anyway?

However, I think the main reason I’m a workaholic is because I am lonely and I have no friends. Real ones like the ones in Taiwan. People who are not merely polite but actually genuinely care about you. I don’t have those type of people in my circle yet. Sure, many are frendly but none are real.

Yes, I like the challenges and reward work gives me. My ears secretly blushes whenever someone compliments my work. But I work now because there’s nothing else better for me to do.

If I start dating, sure, there are some nice days and extremely exciting days. But they don’t really last. Why? I don’t know. And whatever you’ve invested on the relationship will be gone after you break up. At the very least with work, what you put in, you basically take out either in terms of money or via recognition. In dating, end is end, save for the good memories which we console ourselves in having after the rough breakup.

How about friends? They leave. You leave. People move. And then what? That friendship though is good to have is gone. So you can’t really depend on them as well.

As for family, yes blood is thicker than water, but they’re back home in Manila. Sure, they’re great security blankets to have, but for now, the’re so far away.

So I am a workaholic.

Pitiful, alone and moving onto the weekend. Just working. Studying. And working.

Have a great weekend!