Why is it…

…that moving forward often seems as if you’re moving alone?

Aside from a brief luncheon with Top-Climber last Tuesday, I’ve been a hermit the entire week, holing myself up in an airconditioned room for hours to come poring through a book.

There’s a 60-40 chance that I pass, leaning towards the pessimistic view… and yet I still trudge on. After all, there’s no way to go but to take that damn exam and see how it goes.

I am truly scared though. My fear of failing, of being left behind, pushes me forward even though I am now exhausted of books, of numbers and of being alone.

I wish for someone to hug me right now.

The troubling thing is, I can’t share my dilemma to others.

Every time somebody asks me what I’m doing this week, I tell them, “I’m running errands around Taipei.

My pride refuse to share with them evidence of failure just in case I don’t make it.

It’s like running a marathon in secret, only to trumpet your success if ever you do cross the finish line… so if you don’t make it, you still remain infallible.

As they say, how can you fail if people are unaware of your failures?

There’s time to celebrate afterwards IF I make it.

But at this rate, I would think a celebration is in order because at the very least, I’ve tried.

Please… please… pray really hard for me.

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One thought on “Why is it…

  1. Hi Raven,

    I know how you feel. This uncertainty, these butterfly feeling in the stomach.

    I am sure, you will make it!

    – HUG –


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