I can’t believe I’m mentioning him again…
My friends think I’m crazy for trying to maintain my friendship with the ex. In fact, my girlfriend asked me how I am able to be friends with my ex. “I don’t know how you do it, girl!“
She was also in a similar boat as I was.
I told her, “Well, like you said, we can only control ourselves. I’m not perfect but I try put myself first. I don’t succeed all the time, but it helps. Distance is definitely key.”
“So is keeping yourself busy, and slowly but surely building a life without your ex as a vital part of it,” I continued.
That’s what I’m doing… keeping myself so busy that even the guys who are interested in dating me, can’t find the time to ask me out because they’re unsure which day I’m free.
For example, Java guy wants to ask me out this week. Unfortunately, my schedule’s already packed till Sunday afternoon. 🙁
But as I’ve said, it goes up and down.
Unbeknownst to all my friends who think it’s great that I’m moving on so successfully (one friend even said that when she breaks up with her boyfriend, she’d like to be able to make a friendship similar to mine and my ex), I’m still hurting.
Last night for example, after going on a day trip with my ex and another friend, I walked home and cried myself to sleep, feeling sad because it’s so hard to have something you want, is right in front of you, and yet, is so out of your reach.
But of course, nobody knew this. Nobody saw this, and I’d die if friends not from my inner circle know how much I hurt.
I called up Mike.
“I can’t do it, Mike,” I moaned. “I thought I can, but I can’t do it! Every time he mentions another girl, it hurts. Every time I see him smile, it hurts. Why am I torturing myself like this? Why am I allowing myself to be hurt?
Mike merely listened and said that it’s the choice that I made. And given the choices, I know the consequences. “It’s over,” he said tenderly. “Move on.“
I sniffed and vowed to distance myself once again, with more deciciveness. I know how weak I can be. Hence, it’s my choice… I will not allow myself to be weak if I can help it.
It’s over, Raven.
And yes, slowly yet surely, I am.
It would be great though if I can find time to juggle Java guy and French hottie into this week’s schedule. 🙂
Java guy update: After being concerned about turning him off because I was too blunt with my email response, he surprises me with a text message this Sunday saying that he’s been studying whole weekend for his CFA exam in June and that he hopes we can get together this week.
Point one for Raven and her not taking crap from wishy-washy men! 😀
French hottie update: We went wallclimbing last Saturday and it was fun! He was absolutely graceful on the wall, and though some friends showed up afterwards, we still got a lot of one-on-one time!
He’s so cool and cute, and interesting because he’s also in clubbing, taichi, and extreme sports such as skiing, bob-sledding and more!
Since I had a play afterwards, we rode to the Shida night market in his scooter and he treated me to some peking duck roll and made tentative plans to go wallclimbing again this week!
Weekend’s been busy.
There’s dinner and a walk at the Taiwan University last Friday, where I got to see the beautiful flowers just starting to bloom.
It can be pretty romantic, so long as you bring your mosquito repellant.
Ang daming lamok (So many mosquitoes)! :0(
There’s also the wallclimbing “date” last Saturday afternoon, followed by the funny/witty/poignant Vagina Monologues in the evening, which was also a reunion for the entire Expat community of sorts.
We had Starbucks coffee after, and a walk in the Daan park (Hahaha, don’t you notice how much I love walking around!).
On Sunday, we went to Pinglin to check out the tea plantation capital. Pinglin is between Taipei and Ilan.
God, the company was great, despite the wet and cold weather.
But heck, save your time and go to Wulai instead.
There’s really nothing in Pinglin aside from a river full of carps, a not-so-impressive tea museum (good thing they didn’t charge) and a Guanyin golden statue.
Even my flyfishing friend was a bit disappointed. He brought flies when carps love worms.
Afterwards, we had a delicious dinner at Carnegies and went home.
Not bad for a weekend, ey?
Can’t wait to see what this week’s going to be like! Weeeeeeeeeeeee! ;-D