To those who know me personally:
Please do not disclose the existence or what you read in this blog to anyone else, including even casually mentioning it in a conversation.
It’s my gift to you — I enjoy writing as most of you enjoy reading it, so please don’t spoil this for all of us by declaring to the world that Raven has a blog.
Don’t get me wrong. I am not ashamed of my life, and I’ve done nothing wrong.
My blog is a pride and joy, a sincere sharing of my thoughts, fears, insecurities, my ups and my downs, my numerous issues, optimism and more. In short, I am opening myself up to you through this blog.
But given that I’ve shared my most intimate thoughts with you via this blog, please respect my simple wish to keep it private.
To those who are offended by some of my entries:
Kenny Sia flawlessly communicated how I feel about this in his blog. He wrote, “Is a webblog still a webblog if I don’t document events of my life?”
Like him, most of what I write concerns my personal life and other important events.
My personal life inevitably involves those close to me, namely my family, my best friends my organization and those I interact with in a regular basis. They may not like me writing about them, but I virtually cannot write anything without mentioning them.
Bloggers usually have two different personalities: The blogger in real life, and the person in real life.
When we blog, we write about things as they flash through our heads, even though these are the things we don’t dare to say or act out upon in real life.
For example, when an acquaintance quit in the middle of the project, I was really pissed at her.
Overall, I still think she is a good person, but regardless, I do not agree that one should quit in a project mid-way, regardless of the reason.
Now, did I show her my anger?
God, I hope not.
But am I wrong to vent out my frustrations in my blog?
I don’t think so.
If something bothers me enough, I will mention it.
And I do.
But some people take it personally (and this is inevitable since we’re all human).
As a regular reader of my blog, she became paranoid and thought she was being misjudged.
She became really angry at me.
Though I was just being honest, she made me feel that I was a snake for painting her in a less positive manner.
Ahem, I didn’t say she was an evil person. I just meant that I disapproved of what she did, and communicated this disapproval in my blog.
But that doesn’t change the fact that she was still upset.
That was the reason why I moved. I wanted to start anew and be more careful with whom I share my blog with.
But after I moved, I realized that 1) I cannot move every single time I offend someone, and 2) my blog would be so easy to find if someone is persistent enough.
The risk of having a blog
That’s the risk on having a blog.
Because it’s so public, it’s inevitable that people around me will find out about it. Of course, I am not naïve to believe that that day will not come, because it will and I accept that.
But I’d rather have it sooner than later.
My friend is right — he reminded me that nothing in the blogsphere remains anonymous.
Every time I write about people around me, I risk stepping on or angering people, especially when I frankly say what I really think about what they have done (my posts are a criticism on what they’ve done btw, not on who they are as a person).
I know I’ve said before that I don’t really care about what other people think or feel because it IS my blog and I reserve the right to write anything I say.
And yet, I admit, this thinking is foolish.
For example, I’ve recently been writing more negative entries due to my frustrations about my ex-boyfriend. If and when he reads them, I know he’ll feel so bad and find some entries unfair.
He’s right, it takes two to tango and I share equal responsibility for what I’ve allowed to happen.
But I don’t hate him.
People who know me would know how much I care about this man (otherwise, why would I b*tch so much about him?).
However, society holds stereotypes, to simplify things.
Many who read my blog will read about me b*tching about my ex, and immediately judge me as a woman scorned.
Some may even judge my ex as a good-for-nothing man who’s taking advantage of me, and who I should just dump because I deserve better.
But things are not always what it seems. There are always more side to the story, and reading an entry or two will not give you that.
Many would judge me as a babbling woman, who constantly think about men or whatever.
Many of you don’t know me. And even if you did, you do realize that I have more facets that I don’t really mention in my blog because they’re not as interesting or relevant at that time.
What I want…
So what do I want and humbly request from you?
To those who know me personally, it’s simple — don’t tell anyone that this blog exists or that I have a blog.
To those who are offended, don’t take it personally.
Bottomline is, I am most likely not angry at you or your character, as I am with what you’ve done. And I am just sharing my frustrations on the situation via my blog. As a blog writer, please respect my opinions. And if you are upset, talk to me in person about it and we’ll work this out.
To the rest, please keep an open mind when reading this blog.
Please don’t make assumptions or judgments based on what you read. There are far more things happening in the background that you may or may not be aware of, so just keep an open mind and enjoy reading!
Last night, I had a terrific evening with a colleague. We had a delicious hotpot dinner and talked a lot.
I left the evening thinking about myself, what I want, and about self-respect (I’ll post more about it in succeeding days).
“The happiest women are those who love themselves first.”
It’s so true.
If you can’t love yourself, if you don’t have confidence in yourself, who would do it for you?
People will always try to push your buttons and find out how long will it take for you to break. They’ll try and find out what they can get away with, and if you let your standards down and let them do whatever they want, they will not respect you.
Sometimes, it’s wiser to stick to your guns and say, “This is what I want. If you can’t give it to me, tough sh*t.”
And never be afraid to walk away.
My colleague said, “You have a lot of things going on for you. You deserve just the best. There are many fish in the sea.”
Haha, it’s times like these when you start waking up and seeing things as it is.
I’ve allowed him to treat me with disrespect.
I share equal responsibility.
Hence, when he comes back, I’ll still be as friendly as ever… and yet, there are lines that should never be blurred. This is indeed a good decision I make for myself.
It’s okay if I can handle it… but if you feel bad more than you feel good, something is wrong.
Anyhow, these weeks is the start of a new chapter in my life.
And am excited about it.
Tonight, for example, is going to be packed.
Indoor wallclimbing in the evening, followed by a porn party at Plush.
Haha, should be fun, and I’ll get to see acquaintances I haven’t seen for a while!
But of course, I’ll go home earlier… still have work the next day.
There’s also nothing that boost your confident better than a hopefully-sincere compliment, which I’ve been getting more of recently.
Haha, frankly, I don’t like it when people compliment me on my physique! It makes me feel as if my body is the only asset I have (instead of my shining personality or mind).
But a bit of compliment don’t hurt too!
Last night, when I surprisingly had Internet at home (it comes and goes), I was talking to my guy pal.
He was like, “You’re very hot… but of course, I couldn’t tell you that when you were together with XXXX (Ex #2). It would be awkward to tell a friend’s girlfriend she’s hot.“
Haha, that really put a smile in my face. 🙂
Okay, so I can be shallow sometimes.
Anyway, just a couple more days till New Year! So excited, it’s going to be a night-long of partying!
Till tomorrow! C’est La Vie!