Why is it that guys always want what they can’t have?!
(and so do women btw)
It’s so freaking nuts.
When I was with my ex, he thought I was smothering him and he felt uncomfortable. This was despite the fact that whenever I ask him if he wanted his own personal space, he’d tell me that “It’s fine, I love having you around.”
Later, he admitted that it was like Catch-22. He loves that I’m there and misses me when I’m not, but at the same time, he sometimes didn’t like that I was there too.
Whatever the reason, we broke up.
But what’s funny was that, two days after we broke up, he consistently contacted me still via MSN and asking me if I was fine. I guess, unlike many men, he was quite serious in ensuring that “we remain friends.“
Because we work in the same organization and take part in the same interests, we had to see each other at least four times a week! Hence, in order to reduce the awkwardness between us, we agreed to meet for brunch a week after the breakup.
Yeah, yeah… I know it’s probably too soon for most, but since it was my birthday the following week and we were going to Green Island together with our group the next one after that, I felt that it was necessary for us to remain friends and not be awkward with each other.
Well, whatever the reason, he missed me a lot and wanted my comfort and attention. But since we’ve already broken up, I wouldn’t give in and insisted that we just remain platonic friends.
That made him more frustrated and persistent in trying me to get me to reciprocate his advances…
I guess, guys will always want what they can’t have. 🙁
He was frustrated by my strong will of power in rejecting him, and asked me why I was like all those Taiwanese girls who were playing hard to get.
I wasn’t playing hard to get though… I was trying to preserve my sanity and my self-respect.
However, because I missed him a lot too, and for goodness sakes, in my stupidity of loving and caring for him, I finally gave up in saying “no” after two to three weeks and just went with the flow.
The funny thing was, after he was sure he had me again, he started to become more distant.
I guess the challenge was already gone. And whereas he’d MSN and contact me everyday, he would do it briefly, you don’t even know he’s there.
He also started being more distant with his affections. Whereas before, he’d hold me tight, his hugs were brief and with a pat on the back (a bad sign when you see it!).
He also started looking around for other options. He even had the nerve to tell me that he had brunch with another woman last Sunday!
I asked my friends what he meant by this (I mean, who’s stupid enough to tell their ex that they’re meeting other friends of the opposite sex), but they said maybe he’s hinting that I should move on cause he sure is!
For a brief moment, I was hurt. Of course, who wouldn’t be?
But recent events such as my Ex # 1 coming back to Taiwan and realizing how much an *sshole he is for having expectations, and how Ex #2 is similar in this respect, as well as constant, consistent slew of friends’ advice of me keeping away from my second ex, fortified my will to finally put a stop to all this bullsh*t.
If you don’t want to talk to me, fine. I have other friends to talk to anyway.
Too busy to see me? That’s okay too, let me arrange my schedule and make time to do the things I want and see friends I haven’t seen for a long time.
Shopping around for your next conquest? Okay, but 1) you’ll never find anyone who’ll treat you as good as me (I’m quite disappointed with the girls he’s casually gone out with… I thought he had better taste), and 2) as if I’ll wait for you as you shop around.
It’s hard — but I’m starting to get my life back.
Over the past two weeks, I’ve been concentrating more on me, than on him.
For example, last Sunday, I attended a live performance by Lily C and thoroughly enjoyed it — and the funny thing was, I didn’t need him to be there to relish the experience.
I’ve come to realize more and more that yes, it would be great if he was in my life… but hey, my life is great by itself, with or without him.
And if he flirts and talks with other women… so be it. Who am I to tell you what you can or cannot do? But mind you, you’re just pushing me away further from your life when you do that. I have no patience for people who just chase around anyone who has a skirt.
The more confused you appear to be, the more I don’t respect you.
Look, don’t get me wrong. My second ex is a wonderful man. But seriously, how long will I wait for him? He’s clearly moving on… shouldn’t I as well?
I looked at myself, my life and what I can accomplish — don’t I deserve better than a guy who doesn’t adore me?
It’s already been 10 days of he-toxification.
And I admit, it feels great to finally not care about what happens or not.
Sure, it’ll be nice if he’s back in my life… but I don’t need him in my life to be happy. I’ve always lived a happy life and having a man there doesn’t really make much of a difference.
The funny thing was, when I ignore him, he seems to crave the attention.
Maybe it’s just a fluke but case in point… yesterday, we went wallclimbing together.
Whereas before, I’d probably stay longer with him, I cut the night short and went home early, despite his insistence of me staying.
But I was quite firm, and God knows how I did it, but I went home.
Two weeks ago, when I go home, he wouldn’t even give me a call (unlike before when we were just dating) to ensure that I was already home.
But last night, the moment I got home, he called and asked if I was home okay.
And then, we spent a couple of minutes more chit-chatting about the day and happenings.
Geez, it’s been a while since that happened…
After I went to bed, in the morning, he sent me two texts asking me if I was already up… and then called me up at 7:40AM for a morning call.
He said he didn’t want me to be late.
Sheesh. I don’t know if these are merely flukes… but I haven’t seen such attention in a short span of time for awhile.
Sigh, what should I do now? Any advice?
He’s going abroad for a couple of days so I won’t get to see him. But next Tuesday, since he lost a bet, he’s taking me out to a super-duper nice restaurant. Argh, we’ll be alone with just the two of us!
What should I do? 🙁
Hope you guys can help me with my dilemma.
Okay, back to work now! Looking forward to hearing your analysis of my situation!
5 thoughts on “People Want What They Can’t Have!”
I think it’s best if you discuss and ask him what he is up to. Not that he will say it anyway. But hey, it’s much confusing now, is it?
More importantly, decide what you really WANT for the two of you.
I hope I made sense. =)
“you’ll never find anyone who’ll treat you as good as me”
NEVER? Hmmm, aren’t you giving yourself waayyy too much credit?
Thanks Arglene for your comment.
Blackdove, okay… let me rephrase that, “It would not be very easy for you to find someone who’ll treat you as I treat you.” Regardless, I believe I treat my men well.
Raven, i hope my comment would still be useful at this time. Ex#2 wants to “get a life” and he is trying to figure out if you fit rightly in there.
I can tell that he’s a good guy and that you are fully aware of this too. Have you carefully made notes of the activities that gets him excited and interested? Sports, hobbies, specific intellectual discussions, out-of-this-world ideas, childhood stories, career aspirations, longterm plans. Notice that these are stuff that you normally discuss with a close friend, any close friend i believe. Treat him as one of your close friends and maintain your objective assessment about his personality and character – this is very important regardless of the degree of relationship you have with the other person.
I remember one EX who gave me the same treatment that your EX#2 gave you and it went on for 5 years, on and off, it was an emotional roller coaster ride for me. I felt guilty all the time – guilty of letting one person control me in this way. It took a very strong resolve from me to dismiss his advances and suggestions and stay clear of him. Was not easy though. I delved into some sporting activities while making new friends in the process. I was doing worthwhile things with different kinds of people to get me preoccupied and take my mind off him. It took me a year and a half to clear my head off him. I was subtle about it and I didn’t do it abruptly. It was a slow but sure transition. Five months into making him feel that I have made a life of my own without him necessarily in it, he found a new girl and a year later married her.
Now here’s the interesting part – he had wanted to go on a 5-day cruise with me before he ties the knot. That was a shining moment for me because I firmly said no and sounded bored with the idea and flippantly suggested that his future bride might be interested to go. Afterwards, I realized that I didn’t feel any guilt nor disappointmet for turning him down – on the contrary I felt good! Needless to say, I became a better person since that day and am now married with kids.
I hope this will help you in whatever way it can to get you out of that dillema. Goodluck.
Inday, thank you so much for your wonderful comment/advice. You’re right with your assessment, Ex#2 is still figuring his life out and is seeing if I “fit.” He’s a great guy though and terrific company, hence, I don’t mind spending time with him.
But I’m starting to put my foot down, because I don’t want to be caught in a limbo. Over the past weeks, I’ve come to realize a lot about myself, and I figure, if he wants me good. If he can’t make up his mind, well, I won’t be waiting for him forever.
So far, it’s up and down as you can see in my succeeding posts. I’ve been bitten by the green-eyed monster, but I’m over that phase now. I’m also going to do what you did — live my life — regardless whether he’s there or not. You’re right Inday and I salute you for your courage in saying no. Hopefully, when that time comes for me, I can say no too. You go girl!