As you can see from my blog entries these past couple of weeks, I have been down on the dumps due to stress and pressures caused inside my organization, and the surrounding confusion in my personal life. Admittedly, I was overwhelmed, weak and totally unlike my happy self.

I was going back and forth between sadness, confusion, anger, and forced happiness. Funny, though people see me as a super-duper happy person, I usually go through these negative cycles once every three to six months.

Mark told me that I have to snap myself out of negativity. He said I was so unlike the woman he knew.

But given the many difficult circumstances surrounding me at that time, I do not apologize for my behavior. I’m sure those around me have suffered a bit, but I think it’s crazy for someone to be happy ALL the time when everything around him/her is going down the drain.

Nevertheless, I’ve gotten my life back.

Over the past couple of days, I’ve felt great, and I believe it’s due by being surrounded with love from friends, interesting activities I’ve never done before, and finally understanding that things always work out in the end — for better or for worse.

The old “me” is back again! Yay.

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“Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” — Mark Twain

I was talking to my girlfriend about my passion for the organization I’m in right now.

“My organization is me, and I am my organization,” I told her.

She told me that I was crazy that I’m devoting too much of yourself to this organization, considering it’s non-profit and I don’t get money at all from it.

“Relax,” she advised. “It’s just an organization, not your life.“

But she doesn’t get it — the organization is a BIG part of my life right now. If the organization is successful, I feel happy. If it fails, it’s as if I fail.

That’s why I do all I can to ensure it DOESN’T fail.

I’ve always been like this. Back in the Philippines, I also had a unique opportunity to head a 450-member organization back in college. It’s just that my friends here in Tawian never saw this side of me before.

Mike puts it aptly when he said, “I only saw one side of you, the neurotic side of you… never knew you had this in you.“

Mike, I’ve always had this in me — you just never saw it because I never got the chance early on.

But the more ambitious, go-getter me is back. My guy friend says it so well when he said, “This organization is perfect for you; you are truly in your element here.“

He’s so right.

I love what I do…

And because I give my 101% heart into it, it shows.

If I wasn’t enthusiastic, then who would? If I don’t strive for the best, then who would?

People don’t become successful by being mediocre.

They’re successful because they reach for the stars.

And I’m reaching for the stars right now. 🙂

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So much to do, so little time.

I came across this saying, which I found to be so true:

“Whatever you do, you need courage. Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising that tempt you to believe your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires some of the same courage that a soldier needs. Peace has its victories, but it takes brave men and women to win them.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

Over the past couple of months, as the head of an organization, I had to make several unpopular decisions (of course, the fact that you can’t please everyone comes to play here).

However, because of these decisions, people talk behind your back and say bad things about you. They hurt of course, one’s only human… but the weeks have strengthened my reserve and determination to consider every option available and making the best choice given the information you currently have.

Hence, the “No Miss Nice” mantra I’ve been having the past two weeks.

My friends are afraid I’m turning into a total b*tch.

But Brendan puts it well when he said, “It’s not about being a b*tch… it’s about asserting yourself and doing what you think is right — whether they like it or not.“

So yes, I will be nice… only if you are! And guess what? I’m a happier person for not giving a crap on what everybody thinks.

Sure, sometimes, I make the wrong decision. It’s funny how people criticize you for your wrong decision, and are quiet when your decision is right. But at least, I’ve made a decision… and that saves us from remaining stagnantly to where we are.
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“Avoid negative sources, people, places, things and habits.”

I have the greatest of luck these weeks by being surrounded by negative people.

My gosh, I’ve talked about a person I’ve worked with who have recently sunk into depression because of pressures and stress caused by work and his love life.

“I want to be alone in my cave,” he said.

At first, I was very sympathetic.

I have utmost respect for this person, and I see him as a close friend of mine.

Those who know me know that once I consider you as a close friend, you have a dear friend for life — even if you’re being a pain in the ass (as my friend is right now).

But after hearing his moaning and groaning these past couple of weeks, I’ve had enough. He’s dragging everyone down and since we’re in the middle of a large project, we can’t afford that.

I’ve already been affected by his negativity, and I don’t need that anymore.

So I’ll still be there and support him. But no way am I cutting him some slack anymore. I’ve reached my limit.

You really can’t help those who don’t want to be helped.

And at this point in time, he wants to stay in his cave.

So I’ll just let him be — for now.

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If one person tells you something, you take it with a grain of salt.

If three people tells you something, you start to listen.

If everyone tells you the same thing, then there’s probably truth behind the statement.

Guys, I’m listening up right now.

Don’t worry about me. I’m stronger than you think, and I will conquer my demons.

Heck, I think I may have conquered them already. I don’t give a rats ass anymore. 🙂

But we’ll see. C’est La Vie!