For the nth time, I am not a b*tch!

I cannot be a b*tch even if I wanted to because it’s not my nature!

A couple of friends have reacted negatively/positively on my “No More Miss Nice!” attitude/behavior/change of perception (whatever you may call it).

A friend MSNd me a two days ago citing, “No More Miss Nice?! Nah, you can’t do that… You’re too nice to be a b*tch!”

I told him he got it all wrong.

Being Not Nice doesn’t mean that one should be a b*tch. I often think that b*tches are those who are selfish and make unreasonable demands.

Being Not Nice indicates that I have enough of being too accomodating/understanding of the needs of other people, to the extent that MY needs are not being met.

In other words, I compromise too much for the sake of my individuality.

And despite such compromises, I still end up being unhappy because I allow myself to be affected by other people’s opinions! And gosh, we all know you can’t please everyone.

Being Not Nice means being kinder to yourself and keeping yourself in mind when you make other people. Nice people all want to be liked. And to be liked, we all want the approval of other people.

But like I said, you can’t please everyone. So you’re already fighting a losing battle right then and there.

So again, I am not a b*tch. I can’t be b*tchy even if I wanted to. But I can be not nice about things by knowing more about what I want, being more decisive (God help me with this for Lord only knows how indecisive I am), and being more vocal about my wants and needs. And if people aren’t happy about that, well, screw them!

Okay, just kidding.

If people are unhappy about that, well, that’s just fine with me. Because this is who I am, and so long as I know I’m not doing anything wrong, then I’ll still go do my own thing and try as much as I can not to feel affected by what they say.

And how do I feel right now?

I feel great!

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I forgot how much of a meat market clubs are. It’s been a while since I’ve really gone dancing. I don’t really like when guys stare. Dancing’s fun though, but I’d rather have a cup of hot coffee with a good friend than pulling myself into a meat market.

I forgot how great it is to have new experiences. I often keep to a schedule, but last Wednesday, I moved away from my schedule and joined my very first Toastmasters meeting (Chinatrust division). Verdict? Wonderful. I’m pretty sure this is one step to my path of continuous improvement.

I forgot how it is to find people who you know are attracted to you… and not feel guilty about it. It really is quite flattering.

I forgot how clumsy guys can be in the presence of a woman. They may be have glorious careers, good family background and the works, but for some insane reason, they’re putty in the presence of a woman. Though confidence is the key factor that turns me on, it’s kinda cute in a way.

I forgot that I had so many options on how to spend my free time. I’ve always filled my schedule a week beforehand… but I’ve never had so much choices on how and with whom to spend time with! There’s just so many things to do in Taipei, and all you have to do is be open to new experiences. It’s great!

I forgot how great it was to say “no” sometimes if you don’t really feel like doing something. As a pretty laidback person myself, little things don’t bother me so I usually just go with the flow. However, now I realize there are some things I’d like to do more and some things that interests me less. I’m just one person… so to not exhaust myself, I have to be choosier with the activities I participate in. Meaning, if I go, it’s because I want to go and not because I’ve been dragged into it.

I forgot that it’s nice sometimes to be alone. Strolling towards home alone, listening to the MP3 player is a great way to get to know myself, think about where life is taking you, and just spend time with yourself. I’ve made a couple of good decisions during these walks. And though I still love to walk with a companion, it’s good to spend time with the person you can always count with — yourself.

I forgot the love and support of very good friends. They’re not perfect but have your back, and they let you know it.

There’s so many things that I have forgotten, and realized again. Life has been tough the past couple of weeks, but things have gradually been better. There are still some things that haven’t changed — my moody colleague is still doing things that used to drive me nuts — but heck, you can’t change people. The only thing you can change is yourself.

*wave of hand*

I think this comes with the realization of knowing your own worth. As my friend have said, “You are GREAT and I love you! It’s such a pleasure to have you as a friend.”

*blush*

Thanks guys… for all your love and support.

Seize the day ladies and gentlemen! Live life!