Can you eventually make anyone love you?
Some people believe that they can make someone love them over a period of time.
I used to believe that too.
I remember when I used to be so gaga over my ex-boyfriend.
When I first met him, I thought he was tall, but thought nothing more of it. He was merely that Japanese guy who spent two years in Brazil to train in soccer. After class, I would usually head to the computer room and then, hang around the seventh floor to do some studying. He would usually be there studying as well. Soon, we started hanging out as a group.
As one of my classmates at the Chinese language center, Michan later became one of my closest friends.
Little did I know that he started harboring some feelings for me…
At first, he tried to fight it, knowing that we were both leaving in a year, and secondly, knowing my conservative background, I would never fall in love with me.
Finally, after nine months, he confessed.
And stupidly, I trampled on his ego and squashed his heart to pieces by telling him that although I liked him, I didn’t like him enough.
Which was in all honesty, the truth on how I felt at that time.
But life teaches us never to tell the 100% truth if it would hurt the people we really cared about.
He was deeply hurt. And some way or the other, his feelings for me turned 180 degrees. The warm Michan I remembered became the cold Michan I now know. And this was according to him, a defensive mechanism.
He tried everything to forget about me.
And it was this time that I started to fall for him.
But then, it was too late.
I tried to fight and get his feelings back.
But I learned the hard way that someone else’s love isn’t something you have any control over.
Either it’s there — or it isn’t.
If it’s not there (anymore), nothing you will do can take it back. Sorry hon, you had your chance.
Maybe at the most, they will eventually like you after a period of time, and develop a strong bond with you.
This was in the case of my ex, whom I developed a stronger and deeper bond with.
But love is a different issue.
Even when we were together, I doubt that my ex felt anything deep and special for me rather than a certain fondness. In fact, by the time we broke up, he merely saw me as a friend. And I’m pretty sure that all the time he was with me, he really felt guilty.
Because no matter how nice I was to him, the truth was, he simply couldn’t love me back.
And since love is a verb, this hard truth showed in everything he did and said.
When we broke up, I told him, “You can never find anyone who would treat you as well as I did.”
This was a fact. And God, he knows it.
But no matter what I did, I couldn’t force him to love me again.
That’s why, now, I have a deeper appreciation of this thing called love.
I feel that it’s nothing short of a miracle.
To love someone, to be attracted to someone, is already hard by itself. Case in point, I’m not easily attracted to men. Either I am, or I’m not. There’s really no in-between for me.
But for someone to love you — that’s a true gift in itself.
And most spectacularly, if you feel the same way.
If you’re able to reciprocate the feeling, or you find out that that person you love feels the same way about you… now, that’s a miracle in itself!
As Bonnie Raitt sang, “I can’t make you love me if you don’t. You can’t make your heart feel something it won’t.”
Hence, what is there to do?
Force an attraction?
No, been there… done that. And it hurts like hell.
Instead, the best one can do is invite love and accept it if it comes around.
Going to be a quiz show girl this Sunday for my company. Quite excited. I get to dress sexy, act cute and help out my company.
Gosh, hope I don’t screw up…
C’est La Vie!